Brace yourself, I am going to cook this Thanksgiving…

… Get poison control on speed dial and hide yo’ butter cause I’m making three, yes three, Paula Deen recipes.

Every year it’s an on going controversy in my family… if you make stuffing why do you need mashed potatoes? It’s too much starch. Funny, how I’m worrying about too many carbs but am on board with stopping the flow of blood to my heart by consuming unholy amounts of butter. What’s on the menu, you ask.

Turkey, of course. Deviled eggs, biscuits, stuffing, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, corn casserole, cranberry sauce in the shape of a can, and banana pudding and a box-o-wine for dessert.

All of this will be created by me from scratch. The end really is nigh.

Well, the wine’s not from scratch. I don’t own a vineyard, so yeah. And the cranberry sauce is canned, but that’s a tradition. The only reason I buy the gelatinous slop is because I like the way it retains the shape of the can. Now that I think about it the biscuits are from a can too, the Pilsbury kind.

At least the Paula Deen casserole recipes are home-made. I think. Is it still considered “home-made” if I use canned corn though? And Kraft pre-shredded cheese? And a box of Jiffy corn meal? Can I say I made dinner from scratch if all I’m doing is combining a bunch of boxed, processed ingredients into a bowl?

Whatever it is, it’s still a monumental leap from cereal for dinner.

Here’s a funny anecdote – while I was at the store over the weekend buying the ingredients for the big dinner a lady noticed me putting 5 packs of butter in my grocery cart. She gave me a knowing nod and said “Paula Deen”. Is it weird I wanted to high five her?

Related Link: The best ever Thanksgiving post I’ve written and will likely never top.