Happy Father’s Day, Mom…

Happy Father’s Day, Mom… June 16, 2013

… If you are tempted to send me something like, please don’t.

The sentiment is appreciated but I’m not a father and I can never do a father’s work. You hear this all time, mother’s being mom and dad. No, they’re just mothers working hard to raise their kids the best they can in the absence of an immediate father figure. They don’t replace fathers or do their work. Father’s day is father’s day, not single or divorced mother’s day.

I wrote a little about this in the past. It’s just not physically possible to be both parents at the same time. It’s also confusing and damaging to your kids to pretend so.

Another temptation single mothers have is to dismiss the importance of fathers all together. They feel it will lessen the sting of rejection if they tell their child, “It’s ok Daddy’s not around. We don’t need him.”

Now think about that. If you have a son you are raising him to believe that being a father is not an important vocation. Will this son grow up to value the role of father in his own marriage? Will this son, should fatherhood be thrust upon him through unplanned circumstances, be compelled to step up and assume a role he’s been told all his life is unimportant? No. You can blame the perpetual cycle of fatherless children on men, or you can examine the mother’s negative attitude toward men that has been ingrained into her children.

And if you have a daughter what respect for men are you instilling in her if she’s repeatedly told her daddy’s not important. The last thing this world needs is more man hating feminists.

I implore you, single mothers, please don’t be tempted to ignore this day or use it to nurse old bitter hurts. Never tell a child without a father that it doesn’t matter, it’s ok, or that you are better off. It does matter to your child and when you say these appeasing things, even with best intentions, all your child hears is that their feelings of rejection are unimportant and not valid.

So what to do instead? Honor other fathers in your life. Grandfathers, uncles, priests, and most importantly emphasize God the Father – the One that never leaves or abandons. Stress to your children, especially your sons, how important fatherhood is and ask them to pray for theirs whether they are around or not.

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