Is That a Birdseed Milkshake?

Is That a Birdseed Milkshake? October 8, 2012

I don’t know if you’ve heard, but there’s a presidential election coming up soon.  In this country.  America.  Last Wednesday evening, the two presidential candidates (one of whom is already President) squared off to talk about domestic policy.  I was prepared for a good show,  but it was boooooooooooring.  I mean, generally, no one can know whose proclamations and views are accurate until they read Politifact the next day, anyhow.    Usually, though, there’s at least something I can follow, or at least grasp.  The minutia about tax policy doesn’t fall into that category.

Also possibly contributing to my inability to follow what Obama and Romney were discussing is that I was tweeting the whole time about the few things I did recognize and understand:

1.  President Obama likes Obamacare.

2.  Mitt Romney would cut the subsidy to PBS, even though he likes Big Bird and Jim Lehrer.

3.  Jim Lehrer was so flattered that Romney liked him that he allowed Romney to trample him whenever he weakly suggested Romney’s time was up.  Or maybe Jimmy-boy was so terrified of an impending pink slip if Romney were elected, he decided to be nice to this potential new boss.  On the other hand, the only sucking up Obama did was to his wife at the beginning because it was their 20th anniversary and he felt bad this was how they were spending it. He should have told Jim he liked him – maybe the evening would have gone better for him.

4.  Obama played by the debate rules, was courteous, and lost.

So tweeting during the debate – even though it was ABOUT the debate – is not something my brain does well.  I’m easily distracted.  I also can’t talk on the phone and drive at the same time.  Not because it’s dangerous, but because my little brain can’t seem to divide its attention in that particular way.  So I don’t.  Also, I’m easily distracted.  (Is that a cookie?)

Speaking of divided attention, two other teams are squaring off in a contest of epic proportions.  Right here in my backyard.  Birds figure as prominently in this contest as it did in Wednesday’s debate.  I live in Baltimore, baby.  We’re talking the Orioles (though the Ravens are usually front and center this time of year…)  I’ve written before about my love affair with baseball.  If you know me, you understand why I’m having a hard time concentrating on politics AND baseball at the same time.  I’m easily distracted.  (Is that an appletini?)

Like so many events of this magnitude, the presidential debate and the O’s/Yankees series raise more questions than they answer.  Both are competing for my attention, which makes it hard for me to focus.  Because I’m easily distracted.  (Is that Facebook???)  So, here are some of the many questions going through my mind as I try to immerse myself in these momentous goings-on.

1.  If Romney were elected president, would the Orioles bird be fired?

2.  If Jim Lehrer were umping home plate, would he throw Mark Reynolds out for arguing balls and strikes, but not A-Rod?

3.  If Paul Ryan were doing color commentary in the booth, would I be distracted by his blue, blue eyes the way I am with Cal Ripken’s?

4.  What percentage of fans in the stands tonight in Baltimore will be wearing pinstripes?  1% or 47%?

5.  Should the fans only be allowed to clap and cheer at the beginning and the end of the game, like the audience members at the debate?

6.  Would Big Bird be able to get a birdseed milkshake at Boog‘s?

These, my friends, are questions that MUST be answered.  I hope they’ll get the attention they deserve in the press and the interwebs.  And in both contests, in case you’re wondering, I’m rooting for the team that begins with “O.”


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