My Afternoon as a Hobby Lobby Sidewalk Counselor

My Afternoon as a Hobby Lobby Sidewalk Counselor August 1, 2014
My Sidewalk Counseling Operation has doubled in size!!!
My Sidewalk Counseling Operation has doubled in size!!!

Back in June, I was inspired by a Supreme Court decision to take up Sidewalk “Counseling.” Since SCOTUS declared the buffer zone around Massachusetts’ health clinics unconstitutional, I decided it was time for me to provide those seeking treatments to which I object with counseling of my own. Here, in my post, “My Morning as a Viagra Sidewalk Counselor” I explain why this made perfect sense to me. Eleanor McCullen, lead plaintiff in that Supreme Court case, had been vindicated. Because she prevailed, she has her country back. “It’s America. I should be able to walk and talk gently, lovingly, anywhere with anybody.”

ME, TOO!!! Now I can walk and talk lovingly anywhere with anybody, too!!! I have to be honest, I didn’t realize how good it felt to attempt to veer people away from their own personal decisions until I became a sidewalk counselor myself. When the Supreme Court subsequently decided that Hobby Lobby was a “closely held” private company, and thereby could choose to not include treatments to which they have religious objections (however poorly reasoned those objections might be)  in the health insurance plans they offered to employees,  I said, “Eureka!” Among other things.

Not coincidentally, the treatments and medications to which Hobby Lobby object are the VERY SAME THINGS against which Eleanor McCullen and her Sidewalk-Counseling-Hare-Krishna-Kumbaya-All-You-Need-Is-Love-and-Salvation Posse object!!!  Things that they (in some cases, mistakenly) believe lead to abortion!!! Forget that our fallen female bodies naturally abort “babies” all the time in the form of miscarriages. It’s when women actually have a SAY in whether a blastula survives that we must fetch Mrs. McCullen (and now, the Green Family of Hobby Lobby fame) the smelling salts so that they may lovingly and gently show us the error of our ways. Because they. know. better.

Anywho, buoyed from my sidewalk counseling triumph regarding turning people away from the evils of Viagra, I decided to turn my loving and gentle gaze to another group of people who needed to be saved from their own behavior.  Hobby Lobby Shoppers.

That’s right, friends. My sister-in-law, Vivian, joined me for an afternoon of making Hobby Lobby shoppers aware of their OPTIONS when it comes to craft supplies. I have some WONDERFUL friends who did something similar at a Grand Opening of the Burbank Hobby Lobby. Thanks to them, I was well-prepared with maps to other nearby craft stores, and even gift cards to said stores should the shopper be persuaded by our loving and gentle counsel to go elsewhere. Because OPTIONS.  Craft options, dontchyaknow.

(Emily Bock returns as videographer and editor. Thank you, thank you, thank you.)


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  • Leslie Marbach

    OMG You are a sidewalk counseling rock star!!

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  • mytdawg

    Hey now, there’s no need to educate. People should just learn to abstain from crafting. Most crafts are pretty much self explanatory and should not be taught in schools. Only the religious icon of your choice can properly counsel you in crafting. Who better to learn needlepoint from then someone that has never done it…

    • theworthingtonpost

      You know, I’m trying not to be dogmatic about crafting, but my heart tells me you’re completely right.

  • L Cohen

    shoot! I am disappointed you did not invite me. This looks like the best fun ever! Right on rockstars!

  • P.L. Smith

    My very last interface with Hobby Lobby was — and I am NOT making this up — trying to return some knitting needles and the clerk did not know WHAT THEY WERE! So, my friends, you have EVERY sound reason to take your crafting needs elsewhere. These people really are idiots.

    • franf.c.

      perhaps she mistook them for instruments used in abortions and had religious reasons for failing to identify the heathen items…

    • TraceyJohnson

      You’d think they’d sell a lot of them there, though, given their policies regarding birth control…

    • MorrisCoveMom

      They don’t train their employees, and use inventory methods from 100 years ago.

  • scottsgirl

    Great job ladies!!

  • Nance Confer

    Brilliant! 🙂

  • Elizabeth Creely

    I love you both very, very much.

  • kaystiel


  • pagansister

    That was just cool! 🙂

  • ucfengr

    Well, bless your heart. It must have taken real courage to confront those violent, misogynistic, hillbillies, clingin’ to their guns and religion. With wonderful folks like you in the vanguard, we can all hope for a bright new future where Science finally overthrows those bronze-aged Jeezus worshippers.

  • Rodney Lynxwiler

    haha….what a joke and a waste of your time. I guess you probably feel pretty good that you talked people into going to another store so you could stick it to Hobby Lobby. If you really think about what you did, I’m sure you realize how ridiculous it all was. Because a company desires to not support funding a select few birth control options (while continuing to have no problem with the majority of birth control options) you feel it’s necessary to do this. Hopefully at some point you will actually read the court’s ruling instead of using the media as your brain.