Of Love, Spiders, and Natural Law

I’m so pleased with the way in which my Catholic sensibilities were referenced in this conversation between two affianced friends of mine in California:

Me (It made sense at the time I think):   You have a head and therefore you are cute
Alicorn:   Poofs are cute
Me:   Sufficient, not necessary
Alicorn:   Naked mole rats aren’t cute
Me:   They aren’t? I know those star nosed ones aren’t cute
Alicorn:   Those are different but neither is cute
Me:   Spiders have heads, but let us not think on that
Alicorn:   I’m thinking about spider heads now
Me:   *shudders*
Alicorn:   Spiders have heads. In their heads they have jaws, with which to bite you. You, personally.
Me:   Aaaaaah
Alicorn:   Also they have feet. To crawl on you. Again, you personally.
(Through much of the ensuing conversation Alicorn crawls her hands over my side in the manner of a largish spider)
Me:   Yes, it is the teleology of every spider leg to crawl on Mike
Alicorn:   Spiders that crawl on other surfaces are in violation of natural law!
Me:   Deviants!
Alicorn:   Eventually they will come to their senses and swarm upon you. Leah will approve and put spiders on you in order to increase their virtue. There will be little spider priests and they will hear confession from the spiders who have crawled on other surfaces. Obviously when you are covered in spiders I will not be able to see you — literally or figuratively.