Unfundie Kids and Fundie Grandparents

How do you prepare to send your kids into an environment that stands for everything you don’t? How do you handle the tension between loving and honoring parents and protecting your kids’ developing minds?

I am going to be travelling for a few weeks this summer. My 5 kids are going to stay with their very conservative Christian grandparents while I’m gone.

I worry about what kind of influence will impact them, then I hesitate, because isn’t that just what our fundie parents worried about us?

But the thing about fundamentalists is that they seem so determined to impose their worldview on you, come hell or high water. A couple of years ago my MIL wanted to give my kids a Mike Huckabee history DVD (they are also huge David Barton fans). We said no, but she did it anyway. She has bought them The Light and the Glory, told them Hispanics are trying to take over the country, and more.

There’s a reason we decided to put a little distance between us.

Now that we’ve moved, they send my kids packages in the mail, which I’ve learned to pre-check before I pass it on. (Again, flashbacks to my fundie mom reading all of my mail because privacy wasn’t allowed.) But I pre-check so that I can pull out the tracts, or the cards with the colors of the salvation plan, or the kid theology books she tries to give them. You know, because someone has to save my kids’ heathen Episcopalian souls. At some point I just have to laugh so I don’t scream. But none of this makes me super comfortable about our plans this summer.

Recently she sent the kids postcards in preparation for their visit, and each one is good for one summer pool pass at grandma’s house. Cute, right? But then it says “Access code is – memorize this verse.” Which is fine, they can memorize a verse, no biggie. But the principle of it! It grates on me. Why do they have to tie the Bible to everything?!

I think what adds to my discomfort is that because they tie the Bible to everything, it gives a spiritual sheen to their racist beliefs and comments and it’s something I wish I could shield my kids from. But since I can’t, there are a few things I keep telling myself.

3 weeks is not the end of the world. Nothing they say will necessarily take root. It is good for my kids to know other opinions exist. This is good motivation for me to keep teaching them about justice and anti-racism, because these are not the only people who will try to influence them in the ways of fundamentalism. They will make great memories. I am so grateful they are watching them. They will have fun. 3 weeks isn’t the end of the world.

But at the same time, I do want my older ones to be aware of what they are going into. And it is a delicate balance–wanting to prepare them, teach them, and remind them, without making them feel as if it’s them vs. their grandparents. And I think that’s partly what’s so hard about moving out from a belief system you were handed by everyone who loves you. It’s so tangled up with love, and will that love still be there if you change?

I won’t beat it over their heads, but I think it’s important to review and remind them of some important things before they go into an environment that can be dehumanizing. So I will tell them that Hispanics are hard workers and the immigration system is broken. That refugees deserve safety and security. That we are voting democrat. That Black Lives Matter.

Ultimately, I want my kids to know at a fundamental level, that every single person has worth and dignity and deserves the right to a full life. And I hope that when they face situations that denigrate that, I won’t have to worry about it being a bad influence. Because they will already know.