Serial The Anointed: 18. Can A Divorced Pastor Remarry?

A silhouette of a man lifting his hands in worship against a backdrop of an evening sky. Next to this man are the words: "The Anointed - a faith-based serial." — Follow along with this thrilling serial about the highs and lows of Pastor John.

Now that his relationship with his parents has been restored, John is trying to get his life back on track.

John has lost everything, and what he hadn’t lost, he gave back after our camping trip in Scotland. It was no small amount, almost one and a half million dollars. In recent weeks, he has visited many of his ‘victims’ to ask for forgiveness and compensate them financially as best as he can. Now, he really has nothing left. To keep his apartment in Baltimore and provide for his needs, he urgently needs a job.

John would prefer to work in a Christian role, which he is accustomed to. But getting a new job in the evangelical community in our country, I think, is out of the question. Someone who has fallen as much as John is written off. Even though he has experienced true restoration. In the charismatic community, fortunately, it’s a bit different. I don’t know why, but people here are more inclined to give someone a second chance. John can become the director of a small charismatic publishing house in Pittsburgh. It’s not really what he wants, but it’s the best he can get. John gives up his apartment in Baltimore and moves to Kansas.

“How can you start a relationship with your psychologist? I ask him.”

In Scotland, he told me he wanted to start conversations with a Christian psychologist to discuss and process some things from his past. He keeps his word and contacts a Christian psychologist in Pittsburgh. A few months later, he calls me with good news. He has a new girlfriend, someone who matches him perfectly. She is also a Christian, and together they are going to make it work.

I am excited for him until he tells me his new girlfriend is his Christian psychologist. “How can you start a relationship with your psychologist?” I ask him. John explains that they started a relationship only after the sessions with her ended, that they thought it through, but both wanted to try. He is so happy!

Three weeks later, John suddenly video calls me. Things aren’t going well for John. His relationship with the psychologist ended, and the job as the director of a publishing house doesn’t suit him. He is looking for a new job. John finds another job as a sales manager at a large company in Wilmington. Just a secular job, but it suits him. He moves again and finds a nice apartment in Wilmington.

When I visit him half a year later to see his new place, he welcomes me with open arms. I am happy to see that we have finally become real friends. He asks me eagerly about Jessie and the children and how I am doing. When I ask about him, he joyfully tells me that he has recently reconnected with his children. The contact is still tentative, but it’s there. They even came to have dinner with him recently.

“We have the most profound, moving, funny services I have ever experienced. So beautiful!”

John has also been attending a church for a few months. Not a charismatic or evangelical church, as this might still be too sensitive, but the local Presbyterian church. He excitedly shares that he has discovered something fun through the church. I wonder if it’s about a woman again, but when I ask John, he laughs heartily. He shows me photos on his computer of a church service for people with intellectual disabilities.

“This is what I do every month now. I help organize services for people with intellectual disabilities. It’s so beautiful! I used to try to keep them at a distance, mainly because I didn’t know how to behave around them, but I’ve overcome my fear and really come to love them. We have the most profound, moving, funny services I have ever experienced. So beautiful!”

“And no, it’s not penance. I’m not doing this to make up for something or because I pity them. I do it simply because I enjoy it immensely.”

When I ask if he preaches, he laughs again. “No, I don’t preach yet. I welcome them, talk to them, sometimes take them to the toilet, pour coffee; things like that.” I look at him questioningly. “And no, it’s not penance. I’m not doing this to make up for something or because I pity them. I do it simply because I enjoy it immensely. By the way, wouldn’t you like to come and tell a story to them with your ventriloquist puppet? They would love it, man.”

“It sounds so evangelical: ‘Jesus forgives, changes people, and then everything is fine’. So simple, so cheap!”

“So, there I am two months later in a packed church hall telling a Bible story to these people with my ventriloquist puppet. There’s laughter, screams, and shouting during my story, especially when my puppet acts rebelliously. After the service, when all the visitors have been taken home, John introduces me to Suzanne, one of the team members. We go out for a drink in a restaurant afterward. It’s clear they are quite in love.

John met Suzanne during the monthly celebrations. She comes from another Presbyterian church in Wilmington but has been attending John’s church for a few weeks. I find her a nice girl. She’s about fifteen years younger than John, but she seems to handle him well.

“The question is, of course: can a divorced man, especially a fallen adulterous pastor, remarry?”

Seven months later – it’s now 2023 – they get married. News of their upcoming wedding quickly leaked online. Multiple sites, forums, and blogs are outraged that John is remarrying so soon. Soon? It’s all relative. John has been divorced for more than two years. The question is, of course: can a divorced man, especially a fallen adulterous pastor, remarry? The answer on most sites I visit is clear: ‘no’!

“They only see the divorced prosperity pastor who fell and is now marrying his young girlfriend…”

Well, Jessie and I have spent some time with John and Suzanne over the past few months. We think they are a good match. Suzanne is a very different type than Abigail. And John is now a different person. I know it’s easy to say. It sounds so evangelical: ‘Jesus forgives, changes people, and then everything is fine’. So simple, so cheap!

I have gotten to know John well over the past two years, and I have seen that conversion and restoration are not cheap at all. In addition to his 1.2 million dollars, it has cost him everything. And still, people grudge him the light in his eyes. Of course, they don’t know exactly what has happened in his life. They only see the divorced prosperity pastor who fell and is now marrying his young girlfriend…

“Because I’m involved in John’s wedding, there are churches that no longer want me as a speaker.”

Fortunately, it’s still a festive day. John has asked me to be a witness at his wedding. This too was previously leaked and brought to the internet. It has cost me a few speaking engagements in the past few weeks. ‘You are known by the company you keep’, is the underlying thought. People can’t understand why I would endorse this marriage and even want to be a witness. How can I do that? Because they see John as a big villain, I’m now also a villain and no longer worthy of their church.

I’m surprised that there are really churches that no longer want me as a speaker because of this. Although I don’t lose sleep over it, it does affect me. Of course, there are still enough speaking engagements and workshops left, but that’s not the point. Suddenly, I no longer belong to a certain group of Christians. It affects me more than I could have imagined.

Of course, you have to put these things aside on the day itself. John is extremely happy, at least. He called me last week to confirm that his children would come and be there all day as day guests. I still hear him say: “Besides getting married, the best thing is that they will be there.”

“It doesn’t surprise me that John doesn’t spare himself, but honestly tells what has happened in his life and ultimately comes back to the grace of God.”

During the wedding service, not only his children are present, but also all the visitors from the monthly services John and Suzanne are involved in. This makes it a somewhat chaotic festive service full of joy, singing, and laughter. I think I haven’t had so much fun in a wedding service in a long time. Naturally, there’s time for reflection during the day. Both John and Suzanne look back on their lives during the dinner for day guests and how they got to this day. It doesn’t surprise me that John doesn’t spare himself, but honestly tells what has happened in his life and ultimately comes back to the grace of God.

On the way home to our hotel late at night, Jessie and I marvel at how God can still bring restoration in a hopeless mess. Truly miraculous!

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Matt Vlaardingerbroek, a former seasoned church planter and pastor in Holland’s inner cities, brings Bible stories to life through ventriloquism and magic. He’s authored three books, and founded www.creativekidswork.com, providing over 1,500 innovative Sunday school activities worldwide.