3 Ways You Are Engaging in Self-Deception

2) Emotions As Truth

Perhaps the strongest and most devastating form of self-deception is the result of not really knowing what we value. Not really having a vision we are pursuing, one based on truth. We have become lousy at pursuing the truth.

In its place, we have made emotions king. When modern culture talks about “your truth”, we are largely talking about emotions, what makes you feel good.

If a friend says something harsh to you, the tendency is to worship the reactive emotions. The friend is now an enemy because they hurt you. We cancel the possibility a friend may be speaking (even imperfectly) out of a love for us.

We’ve lost truth as the lighthouse that guides us. We follow our fickle emotions into the rocky shores. And it causes more hurt and pain. Your emotions are valuable, but they are not the harbingers of truth. They are just the beginning. If you believe your emotions unequivocally, your biased predispositions will fill in narrative gaps and create untrue stories to justify those emotions. It is a clever way we protect ourselves. And a clever way we drift further from discovering the painful complexities of truth.

3) Enemies And Blame

Our world is thick with an us-versus-them mentality. Partisan politics. Religious wars. Sporting events. Divorce rates. Social media spats.

If we are going to keep up our confirmation bias, we have to have enemies. There has to be blame. An excuse for why we don’t feel the way we want, for why we are not living the life we long for. It certainly can’t be our fault. It can’t be an internal issue. It has to be about them! They are holding me back. Their policies. Their lies. Their problems.

Obviously people are imperfect and their imperfection affects us. Where it bleeds into self-deception is when this becomes an excuse, a blind, that prevents us from seeing and addressing our own imperfection.

We project our inadequacy onto others. It is easier than facing it on our own. The result, ironically, is that we feel more inadequate, shackled by the thems and theys of the world. We hide behind others, not willing to take ownership of our perspective and our behaviors. We lie, cheat, and steal. Kill, maim, and destroy. And we justify it all as a necessary reaction to our enemies. We can’t be held responsible for what they make us do.

Self-deception is prevalent in every human soul. We cannot get rid of it completely, but by addressing these manifestations, we can minimize its effectiveness and grow to become healthier people and more loving community participants.