We treat our emotions like they are everything there is, the end. We want to be happy. We want to feel excited and joy. When things go well, we say, “I’m feeling great!” Therefore, when we get to a point where we feel lousy, it seems as though something is wrong. The problem is how we feel. Why do I feel so miserable? What do I do to feel better? The emotions are the problem, they are the end, and... Read more
We all want control. The reason we are frustrated, the reason we make mistakes, and the reason we throw blame at others is because we are daily faced with the reality that we cannot control everything. If we could control everything, we would never have to face rejection or disappointment. We would never have to be confused. We would never feel pain. And so, whether consciously or subconsciously, control is the thing we are after. Out of Control We are stymied... Read more
Why do we want what we already have? I was on the subway the other day and could not help but see the phone screen of the woman sitting next to me. She was in her sixties (I would guess) and was staring at her phone as if it held the secrets to the universe. I noticed she was scrolling through a website for a certain brand and style of shoe. That’s cute, I thought. And then, in the corner... Read more
It is relatively easy to be attracted to someone. It is something else to love them. There are times when I look at my wife and the affection is so strong, I feel I might burst. There are also times I am so frustrated with her I’ve got to get into another room. But throughout it all, there is a deep and perplexing desire to love her, to make it clear what I really feel, think, and believe about her. We’ve created... Read more
We work with college students and I was in youth ministry for ten years before that. The students we know struggle with the same struggle I face every day. A crippling fear of failure. Why Are We Afraid? Simply put, we are afraid to fail because we are not really sure where the boundary line is between our ability and our identity. We don’t really feel comfortable with any space between the core of who we are and the ideas we... Read more
I was watching one of those shows recently where people have to go through a crazy obstacle course to get to the finish line. There are a lot of these types of shows on – some silly where people fall in hilarious ways, some that push people to physical limits, and some where you have to be able to fly to accomplish the tasks. I think one of the reasons these shows appeal to us is because we feel like... Read more
Every relationship (every person) goes through seasons of transition. We move. We become engaged, get married. We take a promotion or change jobs. Experience a death in the family. A miscarriage. A birth. Transitions can be highs or lows. Sometimes the transitions are less obvious: a project at work is completed, a simple comment at home leads to a defining argument, something imperceptible shifts the mood of one or both of us. However they come, transitions are hard to navigate. They... Read more
A lot of us use the common excuse “I don’t have time” in a myriad of ways. It can be a polite form of rejection. A personal lament when we are overwhelmed. An excuse not to start something new or chase a dream. There is only one problem. It isn’t true. Ever. It seems true. It feels true. But it isn’t. After all, there are only so many hours in a day. We have so many commitments and obligations. Yet, this little lie is... Read more
I was reading a book recently that talked about Adam and Eve’s choice in the garden. The serpent is whispering lies to them – “did God really say…?” They are filled with their own confusion – Eve saw the fruit was good for eating. But they had the ominous command from God – don’t eat! I think Adam and Eve get a bad wrap for their poor decision. When we hear the story, we all know what the right decision... Read more
One of the biggest problems in our world is a breakdown in communication. Everyone is dying to be heard but nobody is willing to listen. I’ve noticed that when I am in a conversation and someone else is talking, I stop listening as soon as I figure out what I want to say next. I tap my foot, sometimes turn slightly and roll my eyes, maybe gasp a little in annoyance as I wait for them to finish. Then, like a... Read more
Victorious Living
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