Nothing has made me realize my need for Jesus more than becoming a parent. Motherhood has brought a form of humility and desperation, unlike anything I have ever experienced. I am constantly crying out to Jesus for guidance as I do my best to raise godly, loving humans in this broken world.
I’ve been a Christian since I was young and have known and loved Jesus most of my life. While I recognized my overall need for salvation and made Jesus a core part of my life… the daily, “I can’t do this on my own. I NEED you!” hit when I became a mom.
Uncharted Territory
In my head, I was the perfect parent – that is, until I had kids. I don’t know if it’s the unpredictability, sleep deprivation, endless list of fears, or the constant wondering if I’m screwing things up… but some days, it feels impossible! Having pieces of your heart walking around in this world is scary. It’s not easy trying to navigate the intense emotions, unique personalities, and highs and lows of these little people you love so fiercely. I think part of why it’s scary is because I so badly want to get it “right”. Raising kids is a huge responsibility we’ve been entrusted with… the good/bad news is: we can’t do it on our own. We weren’t meant to.
If you know me, you know I’ve always been pretty independent. I like to do things by myself. So, when it comes to asking for help, I would often rather struggle on my own until I figure it out. Becoming a mom has made me realize that I don’t know what I’m doing and need constant help from Jesus.
Here are 4 areas I’ve realized I need Him.
1. I Need His Grace in Parenting
I need it for myself, and for my kids.
Parenthood has brought out some of the best parts of me, such as my abounding love, nurturing spirit, empathetic heart, and creativity. However, it also reveals some of my shortcomings – the way I can lose my patience if overly stimulated, my irritability when woken up in the middle of night, my easily spiked stress level, my indecisiveness, and much more. I constantly need God’s grace when my responses and interaction with my children don’t reflect Him.
In the same way, I need to offer that grace to my children when their responses are anything but loving. Have your kids ever done something that left your jaw dropped and head shaking? Like, “there’s no way MY child just did that! I’ve raised them better…”
No? Just my kids? Okay.
It amazes me how no one has to teach our kids to sin… no one shows them biting or hitting others is okay. No one instructs them to yell or whine or yank something away selfishly. They just do. Instead, they have to be taught repeatedly to resist the urges of sinful nature and respond in love and gentleness.
In parenting, I feel like I fail a) when I am the one in need of grace and b) when my children are in need of grace and I forget to offer it. I am so thankful I can go to God with these feelings. He meets me there with love and restoration. He offers forgiveness to me and to my children, and helps us to set our hearts in the right place so we can respond gracefully to others moving forward.
2. I Need to Trust His Plan for My Kids in Parenting
I like predictable circumstances. Having control of a situation gives me confidence. As soon as there’s a sliver of uncertainty, the fear and worry set in. I get lost in the world of “what if…”s. And with kids, that list is never-ending from the moment you find out they exist.
As parents, we all just want to protect our children: physically, spiritually, and emotionally. Realizing I don’t have the full ability to do this scares me to death. Even if I was the perfect parent (ha!) and did everything “right”… I can’t control other people or the world around us. Someone is going to crush my kids’ spirits or hurt their feelings. They’re going to be exposed to things I don’t want them to be. They might get made fun of, or hurt, or worse…and there might not be anything I can do to prevent it. That truth is devastatingly hard to accept.
Now that we’re all anxious, here’s the comfort in it: God LOVES your children. As hard as it is to even try to wrap our minds around, God loves them more than we ever could. I might think I want control over their lives, but ultimately, I know that their hearts are in the hands of the Creator of the Universe. This is so much better. Letting go of the desire to impossibly control every circumstance to prevent our kids from any danger is terrifying…yet, in the same sense, a relief.
3. I Need His Wisdom in Parenting
Parenting is made up of millions of decisions: small ones and major ones. From what to feed them for breakfast, to how much screen time to allow, to what type of schooling is best for them, etc. Health research suggests that, on average, people make upwards of 35,000 decisions in a single day. That sounds like a lot of opportunities to make the wrong choice to me.
When you become a mom, people offer advice left and right and recommend all kinds of parenting books. Wisdom from a trusted friend, family member, or professional you respect and admire can be so helpful in any parenting stage. However, it’s often easy to get wrapped up in other’s opinions – which is especially difficult when multiple sources contradict each other. It can be overwhelming to know the right thing to do, which can add to your sense of self-doubt and fear of failure.
Wisdom is something I often find myself asking God for (for myself, my spouse, and my kids). I know that even the small daily decisions can have big impacts. From detailed prayers about specific decisions I’m struggling to make, to quick general, “Lord, help me! I don’t know what I’m doing.” prayers, I realize the need to constantly seek Him.
4. I Need a Heart like His in Parenting
Most of all, I need a heart like Jesus’ in parenting. God, as our Father, is loving and merciful. He is compassionate and slow to anger. Yet, he takes sin seriously – and knows the value of discipline. He desires communication with His children. He doesn’t see us as a burden, but delights in us. Oh, the things we can learn from Him!
I am so thankful I have a Father I can run to, who never runs out of grace and grants wisdom when needed (which is a lot!)
"6 And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. 7 You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise." Deuteronomy 6:6-7
There are no “perfect” parents.
Scratch that! There is only one perfect parent, and we have direct communication with Him.
The best thing we can do for our kids, is to seek Him in our parenting.
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