Wrestling With Yourself
“Sometimes a person has to go a long way out their way, to come back a short distance correctly.” – Zoo Story, Edward Albee
Day 29 of 30 straight days of hot yoga at Moksha LA Yoga, it has moved quickly and has been quite the experience for those of you who have been following. I entered class with a new life, the old has slowly evaporated, and during this experience I have found time to breath lots, and allow the breath to be the guide in the practice. That has made a tremendous difference in my life. I have finally forgiven lots of people on the road, and by forgiving them, have forgiven myself, and learned a lot about who I am.
Today I laid on my mat and focused on the breath. As I focused on the breath, I followed it down to my hips and back up my spine as I released it. The breath is a great gift and healer. I laid down on the mat and remembered when Melanie led our class a couple days back and talked about how a bead of sweat is formed and how many different things happen in the body for that to happen. Before Sophie our teacher entered, as I followed the breath, I became aware of the lungs, then the abdominal area, then my organs, the heart, the blood, the millions of cells, and everything in the body being supported by the breath, everything happening without me getting int he way of it. Thank goodness. I was in awe. And it occurred to me laying on my mat that this body (Temple) is given to me as a gift, and one day it will feed the earth, and I haven chosen today to nurture it, love it, and appreciate it in my practice.
I have taken Sophie’s class many times on this journey and one thing I appreciate is her strength and understanding of the body in the poses. She is a wonderful guide and the practice always feels like an honor. She brought up today about the expression in the pose, that in our practice we sometimes go to what is comfortable, rather than what we don’t know. So she offered that up to us in our practice, to explore. In tree pose today I couldn’t keep my right leg on my thigh, and after several attempts, I caught myself looking at everyone else, feeling a sense of looking for approval, or maybe it was wanting to fit in, I was aware of this moment clearly enough, that I was witnessing myself going through it, and I just smiled and moved on, “Oh well” (If you have been reading the blog, you will get the “Oh Well”)
I felt strong inwardly, bold, and relaxed. As I practice I am happy. I am happy that I followed my intuition here to Moksha, happy that I chose to share my life on the mat with you and not hold back, happy that I continue to learn, happy by letting go, happy about taking care of my temple, happy for all the support from family, friends, and even strangers. Happy to honor myself and you.
I spent the last several years going way out of my way for everyone, listening to them, taking on their stuff, not listening to myself, unworthiness, etc…, and it feels like I have finally come home. As a single Dad, I know that my daughter is my teacher, I love her, and I am so proud to be her Dad, and coach her friends in soccer in the fall. What a blessing this life is.
There is a great juice place next to Moksha called CLOVER, it is family owned I think, not sure, and one of the employee’s asked me what I will do to celebrate 30 of 30 straight days of yoga, I have no idea, but what I have learned is the moment will reveal itself to me. I will hold in my heart that it will be fun, filled with laughter, joy, some friends, and love.
David Matthew Brown: Heartspirational Speaker, HeartInspirational Sessions, Author of THE BOOK OF LIGHT: THE HEART OPENING, Blogger on Patheos, writer, Dad, volunteer, and Abundant in every way.
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