Day 55 of 90: Moksha Yoga, I Am Alive

I walked into day 55 of 90 straight days of hot yoga at Moksha Yoga LA and my heart was open. Today my daughter started her journey, kindergarten.  I sat there with her as she lined up with her classmates and started to tear up, then a flood of tears.  My daughter gave me a huge hug and that was that. She waved goodbye and started her journey.  I feel so blessed being there and being part of her life and showing up. Showing up with my heart, and showing up as guide.

So I laid down on my mat and closed my eyes and fell asleep, not sure but when I heard our teachers voice welcome the class, my eyes shot open.  Our teacher Grant led us through a sweaty class of hot yoga.  I was sweating just laying down today, and never stopped sweating, as I am writing this I am still sweating. It was hot inside and out.  Today I learned some adjustments in my shoulders and then I learned a valuable lesson on my mat, let me see if I can simplify this.

So you come into an empty room in a house and you fill the room with furniture, every now and then you decide that you need to change the furniture around, because you yearn for change, but the empty room that you had is still the same , but filled with furniture. So now you spend time adjusting the furniture but the space of the room remains the same. The only thing that is different is the furniture.  But the space is the same. Do you see?   We have all this space in us that we fill with our identity to thoughts, identities of career, health, etc…, idea’s, concepts, but the space is still there. The awareness is the space. We keep our identities and simply change the thoughts about it. So we don’t really change, we change our thoughts about it.  But we crave freedom, real freedom,  freedom is found in recognizing the space (Awareness), and  by recognizing the space we realize we are not the identity that we are clinging too, that we are just witnessing them. Awareness heals.

I have been marching along on this journey of 90 days, somewhere along the line I tried to move the furniture to keep up my identity, but that puts me in a loop, and that loop starts when I wake up in the morning and think, think that I know what will happen, or what is best for me, or plan my day. That produces the same outcome. There is no life to that.  It is like being around a know it all, who knows nothing.  Same is true of the          melodramatic mind. In the practice on the mat and off, I am called to not be sucked into the melodrama and simply be aware of it. That is difficult sometimes, but it is the practice.

So today I chose to feel everything inside of me as I moved along today, and I realized that we have simply spent most of our lives moving the furniture around to protect us from feeling the heart. But the more I feel, the stronger I am now. The more I am alive. So today on and off my mat was about experiencing life fully right now. When I do that, it takes away being right, or feeling wrong.  And places me directly in the experience itself.

on to day 56…Namste…

   David Matthew Brown: Practicing Mokshie and Practicing Dad.