Where? Here

Where? Here December 4, 2013

I remember being in school years ago and having a moment of, “Oh this is it.” It felt refreshing, uplifting, and a relief.  No sooner did I acknowledge the truth, the mind came pouring in, “Oh great this is it! Really? This is boring, lets go do something…”  At the time the mind brought up some great arguments on why this can’t be it. So good in fact, I left the moment to go fill it up with more somethings, to cover up the feeling of loss. Loss? Yes loss. Once the acknowledgment happened that this is it, my identity in the world, the one that I took on and created no longer made sense. That is why I felt the relief came, because I no longer had to hold on to the identity of who I thought I was and I had the realization of who I am.

So for the next 5 years the universe wanted me to understand and befriend the presence. So I could understand that right here is the only thing happening.  Not what the mind says.  During that time I moved through the deep pain, deep loss of a marriage, the loss of not seeing my beloved daughter everyday, the loss of family, the loss of jobs, the loss of space, the loss of who I thought I was, and arrived after it all… here. For all of it was happening here.  During that process of loss, I had to learn how to be comfortable in pain, sensations, thoughts, feelings, right here.Because right here is the only place things are actually happening.

Over the summer, I went through forgiveness, which led to my 100 days of hot yoga, which most of you followed, which taught me the same the lesson but in a hot yoga room, there is only here.  During this process of befriending the now, many questions came forward. Is there a tomorrow? Does tomorrow ever really come? The past happened, so why am I resisting and defending myself in it? What is important, being right or happy? These are personal questions and they may help you on the path to discovering here as well. What if this is it? Right here. How will you fill and feel in the space? Will you feel liberated, or constrained? When I get beyond the idea, concept of it, love holds on to nothing. It doesn’t even hold on to love or a lover.  Love you!

Where? Here. Our practice is to stop allowing the mind to convince otherwise. That is a tough practice.

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