Day 12: Moksha Yoga “Tears in Heaven”

Day 12 of 30 straight days of hot yoga at Moksha Los Angeles and after a couple of days of slowing down, today the theme song of ROCKY could’ve of been playing while I practiced, ‘Getting strong Rock”.  In all seriousness I felt very disciplined, alive, and strong on my mat.  Our teacher Joe mentioned that the “breath moves through everything.”  I liked that. The breath is quite strong and does move through everything.  The breath relaxes the body and the mind, pretty cool.

I did something that I hadn’t tried before and there was a major part of my practice today that was moving like a wild fire, fierce focus, fierce love, with my heart expressing out.  What I tried was picturing my lungs as my nose, what I mean is, placing my attention on my lungs and breathing in through my lungs and out through them.  It felt great, and deep and profound.  I could feel my ribs really expand as though they were catching the full breath and then letting it go.  The breath drove my practice.  I really just let it rip today.  No holding back.  Now the tail end of my practice I really dove into my hips, and felt how expansive I felt in my hips.  A couple of days ago, they were tight and now they were alive and willing.

Today I was alive and willing.  Three years spent holding back, not being heard, not being seen, and of no fault of anyone but myself.  So for that I forgive.  I never really saw myself, heard myself, embraced myself, congratulated myself, I was to busy helping others live, and some people take advantage of that.  Today that aspect of me, the side not heard, seen, embraced, burned up under this full moon.  Enough is enough. Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever just said screw it? Dropped everything and went for it.

Today was that day.  I love being a Dad, and my next door neighbor said to me, as her grandson and my daughter played, “David you are a really loving Dad, you are great with Harper, she is going to really fly because of you.”  I smiled and said, “Thank you I appreciate that.” Then there was a beat in the conversation, the type of beat that lets you know something from the heart is coming, out of the pause came this, “David, you’ll find the right woman, she will see you, she will, you are a catch.” I took it in, and said, “Thank you.”  As our kids played, and their laughter filled the air.

On my mat today, I really caught who I am. Joe our teacher mentioned, “Freedom is in choice.” I chose freedom tonight.  After class, I walked home, and felt strong, and tall, alive, and open.  The sky was blue, with clouds, and sun light finding its way through. I cried. I just cried. No reason, just healing, just loving myself again.  Nothing to fix, nothing to change, just tears, letting go.  Feeling. Feeling the power of my heart.  Feeling the beloved.  On to day 13…Sweat on!

   David Matthew Brown- Alive