AskAngus2: Toads, Keys and Doo-Wop with Deity

Dear Ask Angus,

Zack: I am a teenager (male) and new to the Craft, and I’m wondering if its really true that I could turn someone into a toad. Can Witches do that?

Dear Zack,

Turn you into a toad? No. But I could make you think that you were a toad. But again, no; wouldn’t go there. Physical manifestations are indeed possible (even the Roman Catholic Church boasts “Transubstantiation”) but in general with big ticket items it is a case of, “If you know enough to be able to do it, then you also know enough not to do it.” Also there is the Rede to consider and that pesky Rule of Three. The world can certainly use more frogs and toads, but let’s leave that to the critters themselves.


Dear Ask Angus,

Worried: I am a solitary Pagan with a husband who is not Wiccan, or any other religion. He constantly teases me about all this “abracadabra mumbo jumbo” and several times I have found my altar rearranged and a few times I have found matchbox cars, beer cans, or even pieces of mail on it.

I have tried explaining to him the sanctity of what i do, but he just laughs at me. What should I do?

Dear Worried,

Turn him into a toad.


Dear Ask Angus,

Claudia: Where are my keys?

Dear Claudia,

Each of us must search diligently for just the proper keys to our own personal enlightenment. We all are confronted by largely the same set of locks in our lives, but it is the pursuit, the quest – the honing! – of our own set of keys that allows us to open for ourselves the Universal locks that confront us all throughout our lives. Guatama tells us in the Eightfold Path that through the denial -

- Oh. Wait. You meant your car keys. They’re in the bottom of your gym bag.


Dear Ask Angus,


  1. Is it really true that you should be careful what you ask for because you might get it?
  2. Is it really true that true love comes only when you’re not looking for it?
  3. Are these 2 questions mutually exclusive? Or oxymoronic?


Dear Karen,

‘Discuss’? Perhaps I should break myself into small groups first. With regards to 1: A wise man once said “You can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you just might find, you get what you need.” The ‘just might find’ is the Goddess evaluating your little spell and deciding what it is that you are truly asking for, and what it is that you are ready to handle. So yes, research and meditate carefully before petitioning: The Goddess sings doo-wop on the corner with Eris, Loki, and Chaos, and after a couple of beers together they may think it hysterical to grant your request ‘as is’ and let the lessons fall where they may.

With regards to 2: Depends on which eye one is looking with. The third shines both ways, that is, it illuminates within you and without you, and so if you are looking for true love within yourself you are also broadcasting it. This is the ‘inner glow’ that will attract your life partner. Not Ego but peace of mind: Full Realization. Desperately cruising for love, on the other hand, will only attract the tipsy dieties on the street corner – and what they find funny, you won’t.

3: Mutually exclusive? partially, given that the former is directed in, and the latter out. Having your inner altar decorated first however will create a more attractive resting spot for your laundry list of desires. Oxymoronic? Hell, we’re talking about Love here! If it made any sense the quantum quartet on the corner would have no songs to sing.

~ Ask Angus

Please send your questions to:

Photos: Firebellied Toad illustration (Bombina_bombina) by Marek Szczepanek. Key: Wikipedia Commons. Doo-Wop:

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About Angus McMahan

Me? I'm just the drummer. Oh, I guess I write funny stuff now and then. When I am not scratching my head at the oddball questions that show up here I am penning witticisms over at

  • Amy

    Hey Angus!

    I always thought of myself as a Goddess but my husband (Fairy Warrior) says I am really middle management Blue Fairy – is he just trying to hold me back?
    Thanks for your help! (this doesn’t count as outing me!)

    • Alisa Rose

      Remember, we are all manifestations of The Spirit, The Goddess, The God… we are divine. But, each of us exists in various levels of awareness of this (and other Truths) The only person who CAN hold you back is you. What we believe is a choice. Do you believe him?

      • Angus McMahan

        Pretty much what Alisa just so poetically stated. If you’d like this question answered in the column, drop me a line with some more background info, please. Let’s talk!

  • Kilmrnock

    Like your ” Advice Column ” and your wicked sense of humor . Tell me your southern , your general demeanor , and the corn fitter bit . Not sure many died in the wool yankees know what a corn fitter is . I’m from Delmarva , my Chicago born wife has been exposed to many southern foods / concepts since we’ve wed including corn fitters . Keep it up , my freind i’m going to enjoy your column . Kilm

    • Angus McMahan

      Hey Kilm,
      I was an L.A. kid, but my Mother was raised in Western Nebraska, although the family traveled a lot back in her early years. Her mother (my grandmother) may have picked up the recipe during one of their jaunts South of the Mason-Dixon line. I just know they are friggin’ SIN on a plate, and you cannot find them West of the Rockies. My ‘general demeanor’ changes hourly. I am a Gemini (and a triple air sign), and so I am eternally the Twins. Quiet and contemplative for a time, slowly building my posts word by word like a Jenga game, and then later I’ll be onstage in a kilt playing drums or something. ‘Gregarious Solitary’ is one way of saying this.

      • Kimber

        So glad I found your column! Love your sense of humor.
        Just so ya know, you can find corn fritters in my kitchen here in Las Vegas. But then, I’m the child of transplants from Nebraska and the panhandle of Texas!
        I look forward to catching up on what I’ve missed, and following along with your answers to the questions that plague us!
        Thank you!

  • Deanna Beasley

    Awesome Blog

    • Angus McMahan

      Thank you! It’s been great fun to write.

  • Lady Warmglow

    Love it thanks great Blog.

  • Kat

    “Do Wop” I love that explanation and will be following your column “religiously “

  • Morganne

    Very funny and wise. Enjoyed visiting. Thanks.

    • Angus McMahan

      Why thankee! If you have any questions, anything at all, feel free to ask away…..