7 Quick Takes Friday!

These are going up much later than usual because I went to see Harry Potter with my dear sister-in-law. The whole thing was awesome, except the battle scene, which was a travesty on a scale I have never before witnessed. And since the battle scene was pretty much the crux of the entire friggin series, the suckage that spewed forth overshadowed all the good things that came before it. 

I can’t ever watch another Harry Potter film again, so great is my ire. I wish I could slap that director. 
I Almost
skipped quick takes altogether this week, so loath have I been to return to the blogosphere after the semantic beating I took this week. 
It was one comment near the end that really sent me over the edge last night. I can’t understand some of the reactions I’ve been getting. They were so visceral, so outraged. It didn’t seem to fit a post in which I admitted, up front, that I was fumbling through my own thought process on the matter, nor did it seem to fit my numerous clarifications and apologies in the comment box. 
I can only assume one of two things. Either 1) I was utterly unclear and totally offensive, and neither myself nor my husband nor a single one of my friends or acquaintances noticed it, or 2) some of my readers, who do not know me personally, were reacting to what they thought I was saying as opposed to what I was actually saying. 
I’m Seriously Not Surprised
at all that people misinterpreted what I was trying to say because, as I said, it was something I was working through. Almost everything I post is something I’m working through. I don’t think I have all the answers; in fact, I wish I had any. That’s what my blog is for. I use it to explore, to learn through writing and through the comments I get back. I have most emphatically  never thought of my blog as a platform where I tell people how to live. How could I, when I’m so busy trying to figure that out myself? 
What Did Surprise Me
was the very real anger I got from some people. I know it’s a touchy subject, but I’m in this to learn. Why not tell my why you disagree? As some very mature commenters can attest, I take criticism well. I like to see where I’m wrong and why, so I can adjust my thinking. Why tell me that I’m putting women back centuries, that you’re going to stop reading my blog, that I’m propagating sexist rubbish? All that does is make me feel like an asshat and you look like one. 
And neither of us want that. 
I Have Concluded
that the best way to prevent this kind of thing from happening again is to clear up confusion about what it is that I use this blog for. So next week I’m going to write a post about my motives for blogging, how I see my posts, and the best way for you to approach my writing. 
Hint: Do not act like I think I’m sitting on Sanai. 
Here’s Another Hint
One of these is me, and one is my blog. Can you guess which is which?
One Very Important Sidenote
I don’t even own a denim jumper!
some of you seem to be under the impression that I am…of the sola skirtura persuasion.
At least, that’s the sense I’m getting from my comments. I’m feeling like people are beginning to view me as a traderific Tradity-Cat Catholic who wears denim jumpers and likes to tell my female neighbors to get their unholy bottoms out of the office and back to their kitchens where they belong, and for God’s sake to take those blasphemous pants off and put on nice, shapeless woolen skirt.  
Obviously, you don’t know me personally if you think this. Let me just clear up that confusion, though, right here and now. 
I have a nose ring. The cartilage in my right ear is pierced. My hair is currently striped blond and red. I’m wearing a strappy sundress that shows my knees. I love Janis Joplin. I cook because I like to eat and chopping things helps me manage my anger issues. I don’t work in a traditional job because I really don’t want to. And guess what? I friggin love jeans! 
Please remember that the internet obscures much, and that having an evolving traditional understanding of gender roles does not mean that I would like you to please put on this mantilla before God strikes you with lightning. 
Crimeney, people. 
Ah, Yes
one of my readers wrote a great response to my post, in which she mentions something which I would have thought needed no clarification, but which apparently does. 
My blog title is at least 85% ironic, you guys. Yeah, I was actually barefoot and pregnant when I started this blog, but I called it that as a joke. Because my idea of a nightmare used to be being barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen, and then that’s where I ended up. It’s a joke. See? 
But you should really get back in the kitchen before your husband gets home and says, “I divorce thee” three times. Cause you’ll totally deserve it if that happens.  
Go see Jen for more quick takes, have a fabulous weekend, and pretty please, can we play more nicely next week? 

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04966555296621723142 Sarah

    "Sola skirtura" lolol… love this. :) I personally very much appreciated your post on gender. I too often need to write out or talk through ideas and need folks to give me a little "room" to say things they may not agree with. And I think the main point of your post is so, so true.

  • Janice

    Your post was excellent! Most of your readers are supportive, but there are always a few commenters to ruffle the feathers. If the comments were angry, vile and mean, the person does not want to discuss anything, they just want to spew venom. They would do this to anyone who disagrees with them, it's not personal toward you! For this reason, I would stop worrying about what they had to say. If they commented with logical argument and debate, bring it on! But the ones that were just nasty, I say ignore them – it's more about them than it is about you!

  • Anonymous

    Ya know, Calah, I've been reading your blog for just two days now (no I'm not getting anything else done), and even I could understand you, not knowing you very well. You weren't unclear in any way (you never are, actually). Certain commenters simply shanghaied your blog for their own agendas and vitriol. They saw an opportunity to make themselves feel superior at your expense, and they took it. It's their loss for not being willing to consider your words for what they were… an opportunity to think outside their comfort zone. Anyone reading blogs for any other reason will be disappointed.I wince at my own comment (in support of your daring juxtaposition… I hope you will read it) because I wasn't as clear as I wanted to be, and I took my time and chose my words very carefully… unless any one of us is going to spend hours crafting our comments, editing and re-editing, this blogging/commenting is an imperfect avenue for discussing controversial issues… but just because something is not perfect in it's presentation, doesn't make it unworthy of consideration… if it's not, why is anyone here reading?BTW, I loved your Michelle-Kate comparison (and I agreed!).When I get brave enough (and organized enough) to put myself out here as you are doing, perhaps I'll share the story of when a LARGE group of traddy-something stepford wives, and their children, over-ran our local Costco for an hour or so… talk about sola skirtura!!! And I'm still thinking about THAT, LOL!Don't let those people determined to be ignorant get to you… anyone not 'getting you' isn't worth the angst… you may be a lot of things (funny, compassionate, keen in your observations, honest, generous, well-reasoned), but unclear (as far as I can see) isn't one of them. I loved this offering, too… and had to muffle my peals of laughter.{{{{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}}}}Ramona"You can't let praise or criticism get to you. It's a weakness to get caught up in either one." JOHN WOODENP.S. This is the fifth time I've tried to post this under my google identity/account (it's so not my intention to be 'anonymous'!) only to have it 'dumped'. If anyone can give me an idea of what I may be doing wrong, I'd really appreciate it! THANKS!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16560772227717209242 Rachel

    Plus, you used the word "asshat." Not very traditional, right? ;)

  • http://motherdaughterdiaries.com Elizabeth

    I'm not sure I've ever commented on your blog before, but I read your controversial post and the comments with interest. Your post raised some very strong feelings in me, partly because I am in the process of working through my own thoughts on gender roles. I agreed with some of your points and disagreed with others of your points, but I realized that the frustration I felt when reading the points I disagreed with probably said more about my own mental confusion than about your own stance or communication style. I think that if one person's opinion enrages someone else, the person reading/hearing the opinion needs to examine why they have such a strong reaction. I am perfectly able to strongly disagree with someone without going off into a fit, so if I feel a fit coming on, I need to figure out where my own mental discord is, and work to clear my thoughts so I can find some inner peace – even if I still disagree with the other person. Anyway, all this is to say, we can't control how people react to us, whether in the blogosphere or the board room. There are plenty of ways to TRY to control people's reactions; for example, we can try to write more clearly, state a bullet-point summary at the top of our posts or Power Points, or delete offensive comments in an effort to keep things clear and civil. But in the end, I think we find our own peace in learning how to take other people's wrath while holding to our own opinions – whether we've held those opinions strongly for years or are ourselves fumbling toward truth.So even though I'm not sure I agree with what you wrote in your post, I commend you for keeping a level head and engaging in a respectful dialogue. Most of all, I commend you for bringing up difficult subject matter and challenging us all to think.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12557248434888642114 Melanie B

    Oh Calah, I think you're the best. It is so hard when you want to use your blog to think out loud and everyone treats it as if it were a dissertation you're defending. I've stepped into crazy discussions more than once when I was completely unprepared for the way things blew up in my face. (Who knew Santa Claus could cause so much ire?) But I really admire your grace under fire. I wish I lived nearby so we could go out and stuff ourselves silly full of ice cream. Even better gelato. And then follow that up with some stiff drinks.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16863353105595356531 Tridentine Wife

    I agreed and completely understood what you wrote about in your controversial post but I will say I consider myself a traditionalist and not in the way some might think, but I do wear skirts and dresses. So perhaps you should consider the people (us so-called crazy trads) you offend when you try to un-offend the people you did not intend to offend. The term "traderfic" and "sola skirtura" come to mind. It's fine to not consider yourself a traditionalist but then to make fun of those who are is not exactly fair.Still read your blog and still love it. Just tired of the traditionalist bashing.

  • http://www.kathleenbasi.com Kathleen@so much to say

    I'm glad to know I'm not the only one who was disappointed by the battle scene. I think part of my lack-of-being-overwhelmed by the last movie was that it was ALL battle; all the non-battle stuff had been dealt with in the 7th movie, and this was all that was left. Still, it had some great moments. I think Snape's flashback sequence actually outshone the book version exponentially. And I loved McGonagall saying, "I've always wanted to use that spell!" :)As for the rest…I'm so sorry. Those are the things that make you lie awake all night!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07632005486245515873 Calah

    Thanks, everyone, for the comments. Especially Deltaflute, thanks for disagreeing but not jumping into the fray. Disagreement and criticisms I can handle; insults and mud-slinging are a little harder to bear up under. Ramona, thanks for your comments the last few days! I did read it, just haven't had time to get back into the combox again. I have no idea why blogger fritzes out sometimes and won't let people comment. I checked my spam and it wasn't in there, so it must just be a glitch in the system. I'm sorry! Tridentine Wife, I'm really sorry. I intended to convey a certain attitude that I have seen among traditional circles, the attitude that says pants are immoral and women should only ever have children or be a nun. Unfortunately, as you rightly pointed out, I ended up bashing all traditionalists. I'm really sorry. I ought to have been more careful in my word choice and more aware of the condescension in my words. Thank you for pointing it out so kindly and for staying in spite of it.

  • Eve

    Calah, I love your blog and I appreciate your humility in admitting that you are thinking out loud here, not giving a freaking sermon! If people want to hear one, they can go to Church. I hate it when people assume the blogosphere is a pulpit.Tridentine Wife – I like the extraordinary form of the mass and I love skirts, (and I regularly attend the ordinary form and wear jeans, as well) but there is an attitude that for some reason tends to arise from certian circles of the "traditionalist" bent. It's too bad, b/c it's not everyone, but for some reason it's very concentrated among those groups of people more than the average population. (Kind of like political ideology. I'm very conservative, but grew up in an area where 99% of people were not… so I don't really get offended when people "bash" people from my geographic area for being crazy/ leftist/ etc.)