Sunday Smorgasbord

So as a direct result of some seriously weird dreams I had last night, I woke up this morning and went searching to see if my Favorite TV Show Of All Time was on Netflix Watch Instantly. I figured it wasn’t, since, objectively speaking, it’s the most ludicrous television show ever to grace the small screen, but lo and behold, there it was! So I’m spending today cuddled up on the couch with my yet-again-sniffling-minions, reliving my high school days by watching Roswell.

I know, I know. The show is awful, and the two main characters are almost as emotionless and unbearably wooden as Shovel Face and Vanilla in the Twilight movies. However, the badass assortment of supporting characters more than makes up for the dreadful community-theater emoting that Max and Liz make us suffer through. Brendan Fehr’s history as Michael Guerin is the major reason I squealed like a creeper fangirl when he appeared on Bones. Katherine Heigl’s turn as Isabel is also the only reason I seemed to have escaped the inexplicable hatred of all things Katherine Heigl that seems to have poisoned everyone, everywhere. Tom Hank’s son Colin is geeky and charming as poor, doomed Alex, and I even loved Emilie de Ravin as Tess. (*Ducks as Roswell fans everywhere throw flaming bags of poo at my head*)

But Majandra Delfino is my absolute, all-time favorite television actress. She’s hilarious, bizarre, and a really great singer. Her jazzy voice and whiny, tortured lyrics were my music of choice in high school. They so perfectly captured how difficult my upper-middle-class-suburban adolescence was. Unfortunately she never really took off and her best stuff isn’t available on Youtube for the idle, five-minute searcher, so here, best I can do:

YouTube Preview Image

And you get treated to an obsessive fangirl video montage at the same time! It’s a win-win.

Okay, I’m done writing about Roswell. Sorry.

This morning Sienna woke me up by climbing into bed next to me and saying in a slightly manic, high-pitched tone, “Mom! Mom, there’s this guy named the Beaver, and if you like him, you can get Beaver fever. Ashley* totally has Beaver fever. Can I get Beaver fever?

Obviously I was horrified at the innocent-yet-hideously-vulgar miscommunication of the Beiber’s name and quickly corrected her. “No, Sienna, it’s Beiber. BeiBer. BeiBBBBBBBBBer. Say it.”

Sienna: “Beaver.”

Me: “No! No, B, not V. BieBer. Buhbuhbuhbuhbuhbuhbuh-” *looks down and notices Lincoln laughing hysterically* “buh. B. Bieber. Say it.”

Sienna: “Bieber.”

Me: “Good job. Okay, now what?”

Sienna proceeds to explain how her friend has “Bieber fever” and how Sienna wants Bieber fever too. I have studiously ignored the entire “Bieber” phenomenon, having done my teenage-hysteria-penance with the meteoric rise and fall of Hanson. So now I have to find a Bieber song that is appropriate, hopefully with an appropriate music video to match, and not too irritating, so that my daughter can commence being a teenager at the age of almost-seven.

Nope. Scratch that. I’ll just take some facebook advice and show her a re-run of “Leave it to Beaver,” thereby securing my title of “Lamest Mom Ever.”

It’s even in black and white, to further ruin her life.

My Christmas gift this year

Oh, in case you scrupulous types are wondering how I can possibly spend the day hanging around in my pajamas watching bad late 90′s teen dramas, since it’s Sunday and if I don’t go to Mass I will DIE AND BURN IN HELL, rest assured that we did the double-whammy yesterday. Mass in the morning for the Immaculate Conception, Vigil Mass in the evening for the Sunday obligation. It went as well as you can imagine two hour-and-a-half long Masses going for three kids whose usual Saturday consists of morning chores and then playing outside with Daddy all afternoon. They were somewhat less than thrilled. Luckily, I have some awesome friggin’ neighbors, and one of them recruited her teenage kids to take Charlotte and Liam to the park in between Masses, while Sienna was at ballet and the Ogre was working on end-of-semester grading, and she and I spent the time wrapping presents. Or rather, she came over, with her own wrapping paper, and wrapped presents for me while I figured out which present belonged to whom, which was for birthdays and which for Christmas, and which grandparent/aunt said present was from. Also I shaped some bread and put it in the oven while she wrapped clothes in tissue paper. ADD what?

It was fun, though. I love my neighbors. I mean, it’s just not a common experience to have someone send you a facebook message saying, “hey, I know you guys are on a tight budget and you’re stressed and I have tons of Christmas wrapping paper, want me to wrap presents for you while my kids take yours to the park?” There are definitely elements of the claustrophobic, living in a small town, but there are also elements of the awesome, like when my neighbors read my pathetic blog posts and all bombard me with offers of help/dinner/company. Honestly, I’m really lucky to be in Ave Maria right now. I’ve been reading through all the posts that have popped up in response to my “Fear, Prayer” post and stewing over the responses I got in the combox and in real life, and I think I’ll have enough coherent thoughts to write a post about it next week. Maybe. I dunno, Charlotte’s “Pink Tea Party” for her 4th birthday is on Thursday, so that might take precedence.

Okay, round up. I need some ideas for pink food. Sounds gross, right? But it’s for four three-and-four-year-olds, so I’m not going gourmet here.** I’ve already decided on the main attraction, Smitten Kitchen’s Pink Lady cake, which I am going to smother with cream cheese frosting and sprinkle with those big sugar granules that look like glitter (ahem, if one of you darling readers can tell me where to find said granules). And I’m going to get some Pink Lemonade Soda from Trader Joe’s, some pastel dessert mints from the local candy store, and some decaf tea to serve in Charlotte’s brand-new pink tea set (don’t tell her, it’s a surprise!). But I figured I should probably have, like, some real food or something? Finger sandwiches? Crackers? What? I don’t know. She also wants cupcakes, which I’m going to ixnay because this shiz has to come out of our grocery money, and I’m assuming the rest of the family will want to eat something other than pink cake and pink cupcakes and mints for the rest of the week. Oh, and should I decorate? Like pink streamers or something? A pink paper tablecloth? Is that unnecessary and excessive, or will the party look sterile and boring without decorations?

Obviously, I should open my own party planning business, since I rock at it.

Leave your ideas below. Winner gets a chicken dinner!***


*name of neighborhood child changed to protect privacy I’m assuming they’d rather keep. I’m thoughtful like that.

**My usual snotty food rules apply. No chemically-enhanced anything (like Cool Whip), no shortening, no pre-packaged cake mixes, etc. Because I’m elitist, that’s why. The combox is below if you need to call me names, but be advised that I deleted a comment for the first time ever last week, and it felt so good that I want to do it again. Game on.

***Winner must fly to Ave Maria to collect said chicken dinner, which leaves out Simcha and the Jerk.

  • Magdalen

    You could make strawberry cream cheese to put in finger sandwiches–just mix strawberry jam or jelly into cream cheese until you get the color and flavor you want. Or you could buy strawberry cream cheese from the store, but I bet they do something horrible to it there.
    You can also probably find some cheap decorations at the Dollar Tree. That’s where we get all our party stuff. And I think you should decorate :) Just a few balloons and streamers will make it look so festive and wonderful.
    Hope it goes well!

  • Cathy

    I know it isn’t Easter, but perhaps some hardboiled eggs dyed pink?

    The only other thing I can think of is cream cheese/lox on finger sandwiches, but the chances of kids that age eating them…. I know.

  • Courtney F.

    As a member of one of those crazy go-to-Disney-almost-once-a-year families, I have fond memories of the Polynesian resort’s Pink Leilani drink:

    - 2 c. strawberries (fresh, or thawed frozen)
    - 1/3 c. orange juice
    - 1 Tbsp. grenadine
    - crushed ice
    - orange wheel
    - 1 fresh strawberry

    Puree berries in a blender with orange juice and grenadine. Pour into a glass [or, in the case of 4-year-olds, clear plastic cup!] over crushed ice, and garnish with the orange wheel and strawberry.

  • Jessica

    There are some pink pasta sauces out there. Trader Joe’s vodka cream for one, which all of my kiddoes LOVE. Also, it’s probably too sophisticated for your crowd, but Einstein Bros. smoked salmon or sundried tomato cream cheeses are both pink. The salmon is the awesome one.

  • GeekLady

    1.) creamy tomato sauces are pinkish, and you can just throw a quarter cup of cream (or mascarpone) in with a jar of standard marinara. Or if you want a not-terrible, reasonably easy scratch recipe, let me know.
    2.) pink sugars. India tree can be found in our grocery store, maybe places like trader joes too? They have big honking sugar crystals… To big for my taste, actually. I prefer the smaller sparkling sugars, or the very fine sanding sugar, both of which I can find in our Hobby Lobby (Wilton brand).
    3.) pink lemonade with strawberries or raspberries in it. The stuff you can buy in jugs by the OJ is pret good, but maybe too expensive. Nuts they’re little, the attraction is that it’s pink. They aren’t foodies. Use the koolaid stuff.
    4.) strawberry margaritas for the mommies. You can make easy frozen margaritas in an ice cream maker, then store the churned batches in the freezer. Also have recipe for this, but the addition of strawberries will be experimental.

    Entertainment: honestly, put away anything breakable, stow the clutter somewhere temporary, blow up two dozen pink balloons, and let them go to town. They will have a ball, and you can sip strawberry margaritas to deal with the chaos. I did this (sans margaritas) for David’s 3rd birthday, and everyone thoroughly enjoyed themselves.

  • GeekLady

    Oh! Beat a little cream into strawberry jam, and make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Nuts, regular pb&j might satisfy them. Baloney is also pink. And you could cut the sandwiches into cute shapes, flowers or hearts, with a cookie cutter.

  • Janet

    Do you have a pink sheet you could use as a table cloth?

  • Monica C.

    I love Roswell. :) I had to come out of lurkdom (where I have been for nearly a year) to say that, since that is the first time I have heard of someone other than me who knows what it is! You like TESS?!? Seriously? Well, to each her own, I guess. I did love the actress in Lost, though…

  • Hannah

    Loved Roswell and I loved Tess too! She’s was one of the more interesting characters.

  • Bonnie

    Do people who shop at Trader Joe’s stoop low enough to shop at WalMart? This is a real question.
    If the answer is Yes then you should know that in WalMart’s party section you can get pink plates, streamers, balloons, and a plastic table cloth all for $1 a package. It’s how all my kids’ partys are decorated. I say do it – do the pink.

    And because I’m lame I’ve been thinking about this a lot, actually. Since it’s a tea party little sandwiches would be a cute touch. You could make one of the pink-y sandwiches described above and either cut off the crusts and cut into quarters OR use flower or butterfly cookie cutters to make the sandwiches. Use the leftover bread to make bread pudding, breakfast casserole, or stuffing. You can think I’m lame, it’s okay.