The Perks of Being Over 60

Since I am now approaching my 61rst birthday, I was thankful for this particular little list my 85 year old Mom sent me.


01. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
02. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
03. No one expects you to run–anywhere.
04. People call at 9 pm and ask,”did I wake you?”
05. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
06. There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
07. Things you buy now won’t wear out.
08. You can eat supper at 5 pm.
09. You can live without sex but not your glasses.
10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room.
13. You sing along with elevator music.
14. Your eyes won’t get much worse.
15 . Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.
18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
19. You can’t remember who sent you this list.
20. And you notice these are all in Big Print for your convenience.

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  • Steve Harper

    Hello, Ben!

    Hang on to the list. It works even better at age 65! :-)

  • Diana Trautwein

    I was about to say the same thing! EXCEPT your vision can get worse – much worse. My 91 year old mom is dealing with severe macular degeneration and it has been hard. Truly.

  • Ben Witherington

    Which is why I had both lens replaced in the last month or so, and now have 20-20 again. Everyone looks so much more beautiful :)

  • Peter Leavitt

    At Seventy-Six, I prefer going out to dinner at 4:00. The service and the noise level are rather better. We do have dinner at 5:00. Glasses are indeed crucial, though one tends to misplace them.

  • anton jopko

    you also get seniors’ discount on all the diapers you need.
    you also talk to yourself more and more and like what you hear.
    people tell you you don’t look your age.
    you never get a speeding ticket.