Church Sign Epic Fails, “When Satan Attacks” Edition

I was minding my own business, playing some Madden 2013, when Satan was all, like, “Dude gimme your tots.” and I was like, “Who are you, Napoleon Dynamite?” and he was all, “No, bro, I’m Satan.” and I was like, “Then gimme your tots, punk!” True story.

Remember when your English teacher tried to explain the importance of grammar and punctuation to you, and you were like, “Yeah, nerd, whatever. I just wanna PARTY!” Yeah, this is why.

Pretty sure you mean plural goal posts. That, or you have some molecular transporter device the rest of us don’t know about…in which case, I’m TOTALLY going to your church!

Good to know they are demon-free. Guessing they don’t keep it that way by “reading” the Bible to them. Just a guess based on this ad.

This week’s lesson: How to properly wet yourself when someone quotes Dawkins or Hitchens to you.

And some people say we worship false gods…PSSSHHH!

They pretty much do. And actually it’s called “sin tax.” but, umm…you know, never mind. Carry on.

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About Christian Piatt

Christian Piatt is the creator and editor of BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE and BANNED QUESTIONS ABOUT JESUS. He has a memoir on faith, family and parenting called PREGMANCY: A Dad, a Little Dude and a Due Date, and Hachette published his first hardcover book, "postChristian: What's left? Can we fix it? Do we care?" in 2014. His first novel, "Blood Doctrine," has been optioned by a Hollywood production company for a possible TV series.

Christian is the cofounder and cohost of the Homebrewed CultureCast, a podcast about popular culture, current events and spirituality that has a weekly audience of 25,000 people (http://homebrewedchristianity.com/category/culturecast/).

Preorder Christian's next book, "Not That Kind of Christian: Loving God without being an a**hole," at https://squareup.com/market/christianpiatt.

For more information about Christian, visit www.christianpiatt.com, or find him on Twitter (www.twitter.com/christianpiatt) or Facebook.

  • Evelyn

    And there was me thinking it was called ‘syntax’… No wait, that’s what they lack.

    PS Please keep up the “Church Sign Epic Fail” posts – always good for a laugh.

  • Pat68

    On the Church of God ad, I’m pretty sure Church of God “is” a denomination. So they not only misspelled it, it seems they’re not sure if they’re a denomination or not. Unless of course they’re not just using that name generically.


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