For the Unloved Wife

Worried teenager woman on the beach in winter

I receive thousands of messages online through the Facebook Marriage Page and my public Facebook page. Many of these messages come from people who are struggling in their marriage, and I try to do my best to provide some encouragement and insight to help with their situations. Yesterday, I received a message from a heartbroken woman who was reaching out for help. Her message broke my heart.

To protect her anonymity, I’m going to paraphrase her original message to make sure there’s not personal information that could identify her. I know her situation is one that many women can relate to. She said, “My husband says he doesn’t love me anymore. He’s not attracted to me. He doesn’t have any feelings for me at all. He’s doesn’t seem willing to do anything to work on our marriage. I’m heartbroken. I’m so confused. I don’t know what to do. I could try and lose weight and take better care of myself, but I don’t know if it would make any difference. I don’t know where things went wrong. I feel lost and hopeless. What should I do?” -The Unloved Wife

My heart aches for this woman and for the countless women who can relate to a similar, heartbreaking struggle. When your spouse walks in and drops a bomb like that, it’s hard to know where to start picking up the pieces. It’s a form of rejection so deep and so intimate that it feels like a wound that can never fully heal. I certainly don’t want to oversimplify the complex emotions that this woman and many others feel, but I do believe these principles below could bring some comfort and perspective, because they are promises from God Himself.

1. You are loved.

Jesus was never technically “married,” BUT he clearly taught us that we (His church) are His “Bride.” His love for you is limitless and eternal. He ALWAYS keeps His promises. Regardless of whether or not your husband comes back to his senses, you are loved with a never-ending love by the One who created you. It’s a love with no expiration date. He love you more than you can imagine.

2. You are beautiful.

Your husband might not be attracted to you, but it’s only because he’s allowed selfishness to distort his view of what real beauty really means. God created you and your are a Masterpiece. His precious, priceless daughter. If your husband has lost sight of that, it’s his fault; not yours.

3. You are not alone.

Feeling rejection from a spouse causes a deep and profound sense of loneliness and isolation, but you are NOT alone! God is with you and He will never leave you or forsake you. You also have many people in your life who love you more than you can imagine. Have the courage to reach out to them in this difficult time. Gain strength from the friends and family who love you.

I’m praying for you. I know God has a beautiful plan for you. Please don’t lose hope. 

If you’re in a position to reconcile with your husband, I’d encourage you to start by looking at the resources at For daily encouragement, I invite you to connect with me on Facebook. And fill your mind and heart with the timeless, encouraging promises from The Bible. Don’t lose hope. You are loved!

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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • Bluebunny28

    Living in this situation right now.

  • Beautiful, Dave. Your words make such a difference.

  • Andrea Velasco

    Thank you for posting this. I’m in the exact same situation. It is so hard to get through each day.

  • david

    Same thing but in my case the roles reversed, I am the unloved husband and my wife said those things to me. Actually she stated, several times, that she never loved me, even tho we had a 20.5 year marriage and 2 kids.

  • ShelaEM

    For all of you in this situation – if possible – pick up the book “The Love Dare” – Author Kendrick

    A life-changing book.

  • Debra Weaver Coats

    God will always love you. My husband said the same thing to me a couple month’s ago and then I found out He had cheated on me. But He said he wants our marriage to work. Even though there are days I feel like he don’t. But I continue being a better wife and mother. And take care if my self. If je leaves He leaves. I know I have god no matter what.

  • bhuser userbh

    Yes alright, I believe God loves me but he also doesn t want me to suffer and have a miserable life with a man who does not deserve a wife… why should God want me to be in a toxic relationship? Why is it always implyed that even if a person, wife or husband, is unhappy in a marriage she/her should endure all the suffering, all the pain, all the psychological damages? I am afraid that such attitude is enabling abusive behaviours…

    I would like to read some words of encouragement for all the one who are in a unhappy marriage, from my side I can only said detach from people who do not deserve your love, let them go, you will much better enjoy the love that God feels for you, you will much better appreciate the beauty that is inside of you and you will always have God to your side but please “don t give pearls to swine”.

  • Tanya Veronica Bardwell

    I truly love your post Dave, but find them difficult to read. I married the man of my dreams just a little over 2 years ago. By the 3rd week of our marriage he stopped talking to me and would have bouts of not talking to me off and on for almost two years. When I married him I only worked part time but for 18 months my debts were crippling me as he refused to allow me access to his money and I simply didnt earn enough to run the home. On our last holiday we drove for 8 hours in the car to another state to see his family. He did not speak to me on the drive up or back. He did not even acknowledge me for the 3 weeks we spent holidaying with his family. They all noticed and I felt humiliated. I shared my private and painful past as an abused child with my husband. Things I had never told anyone. I loved him so deeply. He told people I didnt know these personal things that should only be kept between a wife and a husband. He said these people told him he should “kick me to the curb”. He even gloated about this to my pastor and church elders. He said he was a Christian but there was no God in that home. He called me a liar, a cheat and a thief in front of my two children. He constantly berated me for not loving him in a way that was meaningful to him, I did not respect him in a way that was meaningful to him. I asked him questions about his past when we were dating and he lied in his responses. I would go to my GP and sob till my eyes were swollen. I finally with the help of my sister moved myself and my two young children out of that oppressive, abusive situation just short of our second anniversary. I left totally broken. I thought of ending my life more than once. It has been almost 8 months and he refuses to have anything to do with me. It is only in the last couple of weeks with the help of family, church family and my two little Godly, praying children that I am starting to really press into God. Really trust in Him. I have been a Christian for a long time and now is the perfect opportunity to put my money where my mouth is and “live” according to whatI believe, to trust more than I ever have and to thank God because I know that what the enemy tries to do to hurt and destroy God WILL turn it into something meaningful. He WILL restore what the enemy has stolen. My worth is not based on what my husband thinks of me but based on who I am in Christ. I am learning to meet God not half way, but just take those first few tentative steps towards Him and he is walking the larger distance towards me. He is holding me up. He is renewing my strength and showing me a love that pales into anything I could know on this earth. My gratutude to Him who is in the process of taking his wounded and broken daughter out of the miry clay and seating her with him in high places. Please all you husbands and wives who are broken and hurt, take those first steps towards Him and watch how He will restore you. Thank you Jesus for your words of encouragement and promise.

  • jhay

    I did try it.. but there is a lot of battles still.. I’m on Day 16 but still my husband rejects me.. Painful words was said and done…
    I don’t know if my marriage will be restored again.. I just depends on Gods plan for me and my son.