The Divorce Spiral


Each couple is unique, but the patterns that ultimately lead a couple to divorce are strikingly similar most of the time. It happens when a couple gets pulled into what I call “The Divorce Spiral.

It’s a pattern of thinking, speaking or interacting that keeps them stuck in a cycle of dysfunction. It has a current that feels impossible to escape like a bug being flushed down the toilet and feeling powerless to swim out of the spiral. It’s a helpless feeling, BUT it’s not hopeless. If ANY of these scenarios below are happening in your marriage, you can still save this marriage. You can turn things around if you’ll take action to create course correction in your marriage. Start by checking out our Free videos for couples in crisis at

Here are a few examples that I see played out in marriages everyday

The WIFE is frustrated because she feels like her husband doesn’t really listen to her or value her feelings, so her frustration changes her one into one of criticism, sarcasm or negativity. The HUSBAND feels powerless to make his wife happy and he feels that his work is unappreciated. He hears her desperate plea for connection as nothing more than nagging which he tunes out. His indifference makes the wife even more hurt and frustrated, so her words become even more negative, which makes the husband even more distant and more likely to tune out what she’s saying. They’re in a spiral that leads straight to divorce unless something changes.

Or say the HUSBAND is completely sexually frustrated. He considers sex his primary need and his primary source of stress relief. The WIFE feels disconnected from her husband. She doesn’t feel loved or appreciated which kills her desire to make love. It seems that he only wants SEX. It’s a form of stress relief to him but she needs stress relief before she can be in the mindset to make love. When he pressures her for sex, she feels used and unloved. When she denies him, he feels desperate and disrespected. They’re in a spiral that leads straight to divorce unless something changes.

These are two common examples but there are MANY more. For additional warning signs, please read my popular post on the Ten warning signs a marriage is in trouble (by clicking here). Anytime you find yourself falling into an ongoing cycle of negativity, accusation, coldness, miscommunication or frustration in your marriage, you may be falling into a downward spiral. Please take action. You can start by watching our new Free videos for couples in crisis at


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