[I wrote the following for my parish bulletin. Dcn. G.]
So here we are, beginning another year, rising to face new challenges, hoping to be better people next December 31 than we were last December 31. Some people are hoping to lose weight. Some will stop smoking. Looking for suggestions? Maybe these will help. Meantime, Happy New Year!
Catholic New Year’s Resolutions
- I resolve to arrive at Mass early.
- Before arriving for Mass, I resolve to turn off my cell phone, or put it on “vibrate.”
- I resolve to go to the bathroom before I leave home, so I don’t have to stand outside the restroom for most of Mass, hopping from foot to foot.
- During the warmer months, I resolve not to wear to Mass that tube top that looked so great the night before at the KISS concert.
- I resolve not to wear shorts to Sunday Mass unless I’m under the age of five.
- I will refrain from leaving prayers for St. Jude all over the place.
- I will not feed my children cookies during Mass.
- I will not leave empty juice boxes in the pews.
- I resolve not to snore during the homilies.
- I resolve to sing. Loudly.
- When the usher comes by with the collection basket, I will not put in a five-dollar bill and take out four ones.
- I resolve to actually shake hands with those around me during the Sign of Peace, and really mean it.
- I will not butt in front of others when I get in line for communion.
- When someone butts in front of me to get in line for communion, I will not trip him and then laugh.
- When the lector announces that there is no second collection, I resolve not to cheer, applaud or make “the wave.”
- I will not bolt for the door after the announcements.
- I will stay in my pew to sing the recessional hymn.
- I resolve to place my missal and hymn book at the end of the pew before I leave, to make less work for the ushers. A tidy church is a happy church.
- When I am in my car, waiting to get out of the parking lot after Mass, I resolve to use all five fingers when I wave at my fellow parishioners. And I will smile at them.
- I will take home this bulletin and cut out these resolutions and tape them to my refrigerator, so I don’t forget them.