TWO CONTESTS: First, posters for the protesters in NYC. For example: “SHOPLIFTERS OF THE WORLD UNITE.” Or… VISUALIZE BETTER PUPPETS.” Or “KEEP INDUSTRY OUT OF INDIA.” Whatever. Second, rejected campaign theme songs. You know how every candidate has a snazzy theme song, like “Don’t Stop Thinkin’ About Tomorrow.” (‘Cause there’s nothing that says “slinkster cool” quite like an aging Southern politico.) Well, I want your suggestions for the presidential and congressional races of 2002. Some examples are in order. Al Gore: David Bowie, “China Girl.” Ralph Nader: Beck, “Loser.” John Edwards: Men at Work, “Who Can It Be Now?” Alan Keyes: Billy Joel, “You May Be Right (I May Be Crazy).” Ted Kennedy (oh, this is too easy): Elton John, “Bridge Over Troubled Water.” They Might Be Giants, “Lie Still Little Bottle.” Hillary Clinton: Tammy Wynette, “Stand By Your Man.” Psychedelic Furs, “Pretty in Pink.”

And so much more. Please send suggestions to

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