SSM: HEATHER HAS NO DADDY: I neglected an important angle in my post on same-sex marriage and masculinity, another way in which same-sex (unisex) marriage tells men that they’re not necessary to forming a family. I’m referring, as the title of this post should make clear, to lesbian couples raising kids.

Lots of these couples are dedicated parents. But they’re also raising kids in a family structure that a) makes it harder for both daughters and sons to form a sense of what it means to be a man and how men fit into the family, and b) reinforces cultural messages that children don’t need fathers, they just need “parents.”

Think for a second about another, frighteningly common model of two-woman parenting: a mother, her daughter, and the daughter’s children. Most people find it perfectly intelligible that a) many of these families are doing as best they can, working really hard to give their children love, but b) their kids do suffer from not having a male role model and a sense of men’s place in the family. I don’t think we should expect lesbian parenting to be radically different in either of those respects. As this touching bus poster (PDF) put it, “My mommy can’t be my daddy too.”

When you tell men they’re not necessary to the family, you know, sometimes they believe you.