Why having everyone agree with you would be the worst thing ever

One of the key ways we distinguish ourselves from the masses is through a definitive approach to life, whether it be trivial things like the way we dress, style our hair, the car we drive, or the music we enjoy; or more substantial things, such as the religious or political views we hold. Not surprisingly, it’s not enough for us to merely enjoy these things in and of themselves. In addition to becoming fans, devotees or practitioners, we also tend to become evangelists. Think of anyone who owns an Apple product, for example. (I should know; I’m one of them, but only after holding out for years.) However, by sharing the “gospel” in this fashion–whether it be religious, political or artistic–we unwittingly place ourselves in a double bind in terms of our identity. On the one hand, winning people over to my chosen brand, diet, philosophy or religion has the effect of legitimizing it. The more people I can win over to my side, the more my belief is validated. But as I succeed in gaining converts, the less significant that belief/band/political stand/doctrinal position becomes in terms of distinguishing me from the crowd. Instead, it makes me just another member of the herd. Therefore, I’m left with two options. The first involves surrendering my maverick status and reestablishing the foundation of my identity someplace else, perhaps even as a member of the herd rather than someone who stands over and against it. The “We are the 99%” movement is a great example of this. Instead of an individual first, I am a member of the group first. “Me” becomes “we” as I am subsumed by the crowd. In fact, now “the enemy” becomes the 1%, those who dare to stand out from the crowd, typically through conspicuous consumption–the very means I employed previously to establish my identity but which, for one reason or another, is no longer effective or available. The second approach is to slide a bit further along the spectrum of taste/belief/lifestyle so that once again, I am at least one step ahead of my target audience. “I’m not a follower, I’m a leader. Follow me if you dare!” The problem is, pretty soon I find myself saying and doing things I don’t even believe, just to be different. As a character put it in the season premiere of The Walking Dead, “You’re either the cattle or the butcher.” I’ll take butcher, please. “Order up!” This tendency is exemplified in one of my favorite Simpson’s episodes in which Lisa is enthralled by a “level 5 vegan,” an environmental activist so hardcore he won’t eat anything that casts a shadow. It’s similar to how the 100-mile diet became the 50-mile diet and now the 10-mile diet. Or think about the small home trend. In each case, what’s driving such actions is not a quest for health or reducing our environmental footprint; it’s a never-ending game of one-upmanship that Andrew Potter describes so well in The Authenticity Hoax: How We Get Lost Finding Ourselves.

The object of their desire, the “essential” core of life, is something called authenticity, and finding the authentic has become the foremost spiritual quest of our time. It is a quest fraught with difficulty, as it takes place at the intersection of some of our culture’s most controversial issues, including environmentalism and the market economy, personal identity and the consumer culture, and artistic expression and the meaning of life.

Under such a mindset, the best thing is for people to recognize our “authentic” approach to life; the worst thing is for them to imitate it. Therefore, we tend to send out mixed signals to our followers, placing them in a double bind similar to the one we are experiencing. We appear to have the elixir of truth, but for some reason we don’t want them to partake. What’s a good follower to do?

Greenpeace co-founder Patrick Moore cites this tendency as his reason for eventually leaving the organization.

By the mid-eighties, a majority of people now agreed with all of the reasonable things we in the environmental movement were saying they should do. Now, when a majority of people agree with you, it’s pretty hard to remain confrontational with them. And so the only way to remain anti-establishment was to adopt ever more extreme positions. When I left Greenpeace it was in the midst of them adopting a campaign to ban chlorine worldwide. I said, “Guys, this is one of the elements in the periodic table, you know. I mean, I’m not sure that’s within our jurisdiction to be banning a whole element.”

Incidentally, I think this is one reason why we tend to glorify and then vilify celebrities, for example. They seem to promise so much, but when we can’t seem to attain what they have, no matter how hard we try, we begin to hate them and are secretly delighted when they fall. I’m not really sure what to suggest as a way out of these two dead ends. After all, even if we act as if we couldn’t care less what other people think, that’s merely another version of the maverick mentality. Not caring is how we distinguish ourselves from the rest of those idiots, who are hell bent on trying to impress each other. However, here are a few other ideas. 1) Stop preaching and start practicing: You’d never know it considering how often I blog, Tweet, post on Facebook, etc., but one of my favorite verses in the Bible is 1 Thessalonians 4:11, which contains the following advice: “Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands.” If what you’ve discovered is so great, shut up and enjoy it. If it’s truly as good as you say, the rest of us will figure it out sooner or later.  2) Come back in off the ledge: Relieve yourself of the pressure to be an early adopter, maverick, non-conformist, eccentric, dissident, bad boy (or girl), radical or malcontent. EVERYONE already has a tattoo (except me and Greg Boyd), so why go through the pain only to emerge and discover you’re nothing but a clone anyway? 3) Purchase for function, not fashion: Having moved from an urban to a rural environment a little over a year ago, I am finding my urban wardrobe increasingly impractical for my day-to-day life, which often includes using a chainsaw, traipsing through the forest, shovelling snow, skiing, painting, carpentry and otherwise getting dirty. Therefore, I need clothes that are rugged, rip-proof, warm and stain-resistant. How they look on me is a secondary issue. At least it should be. (You never know who you’ll meet when you’re out there felling a tree…) At any rate, you are not what you wear or drive or even what you eat. The next time you’re standing in line to buy that organic, sustainable, free range, fair trade, shade grown, artisanal, local or green product, ask yourself, are you really trying to save the planet or are you merely trying to perpetuate a particular image? 4) Shine the spotlight on someone else instead: Whether we’re trying to distinguish ourselves from the masses or joining the masses and scapegoating the mavericks, we still have a single goal in mind–validation. While the desire for affirmation and recognition of our talents and abilities is normal and healthy, if we are always playing to an audience, we will find ourselves constantly seeking the spotlight. The minute it turns on someone else, we feel weak, frightened and empty, and we will do anything to get it back. Rather than seek the spotlight, why not shine it on someone else instead? Not only will you find life “behind the scenes” incredibly freeing, you’ll discover all sorts of interesting people you never noticed beyond the footlights.