Who Run the World (#ChurchGirls): 10 Threatening Women to Watch

You guys, this is adorable. A friend sent me this blog post about how to know if you have accidentally wandered into one of those scary progressive churches. I’m not going to post a link to it, because Voldemort. But anyway, they tell you how to stay true to the gospel and RUN AWAY, before the evil “emergent” church folk can get their gay-loving, non-hell-fearing, climate-change-believing hooks in you. I think if you read way down to the bottom, there’s probably a map with a literal actual exit route. Like, how to find the trap door that’s hidden in the narthex, right behind the coffee/donut table.

My favorite part is when they tell you the scary names you should listen for as red flags. Names of authors and speakers and theologians that will be your first clue to get the eff out of dodge and go find a real, Bible-believing church down the road. They list names like Rob Bell, Brian McLaren, and Thomas Merton (??), etc. Any church that quotes these guys or reads their books in Sunday school is clearly trying to lure you from the path of Jesus.

Of course, there’s not a single woman on their list. Because girls aren’t real ministers. Why should they worry about them? 

I’ll tell you why. Because girls are going to take over the dang world while nobody’s paying attention. Because they’ll never see us coming.

Want to know who these folks should really be worried about? These women. These women who are preaching the gospel, writing the truth, leading for justice and tearing down barriers to the gospel. If folks who are prone to fear were not so narrowly focused, they would know enough to be very, very afraid of these chicks:

The Right Rev Elizabeth “Libby” Lane, the first woman to serve as bishop in the UK. ‘Bishop of Stockport’ just SOUNDS cool and is fun to say. And while I super hate wearing clergy robes myself, when I see her decked out in all that regalia, it makes me want to stand up and slow clap.

Rev. Dr. Amy Butler, the new-ish Senior Pastor of the historic Riverside Church in New York. That girl is everywhere, and she is taking names.

Rev. Dr. Sharon Watkins, the General Minister and President of the Christian Church, Disciples of Christ. Not only does she have the longest job title in the history of the world, she was the first (and I’m going to say, remains the only?*) woman to lead a mainline denomination. Ever. She leads with a powerful voice, and the just-right balance of strength and compassion that cannot be learned in seminary or earned with degrees. And you know what else? She returns the phone calls of regular people. That is no small thing, when you’re sitting in the big chair.

Rev. Barbara Brown Taylor. Every word that woman speaks is true. And life-giving and world shaping, in the most artful and sometimes subtle kinds of ways. I was not exposed to many women preachers in my life before seminary, so when I first discovered her stuff, I felt like I was relying on her voice for a couple decades-worth of catch up. She did not let me down.

Rachel Held Evans. I think we can officially elevate her to initials-only status now and henceforth, she shall be referred to as RHE. Hey, if RBG can do it, so can RHE. She’s a big deal for a lot of reasons, but I most appreciate her bridge-building abilities. There are not many voices in the Church right now that can speak with such prophetic grace and wisdom, while achieving the breadth and depth of audience that she has amassed.

Rev. Dr. Cynthia Hale, is the founding pastor of Ray of Hope Christian Church in Decatur, Georgia. She’s a dynamic preacher, a sought after speaker, and a role model for women in ministry. Her awards and recognitions are too many to count. But having met her in person, I can say the she just exudes a SOMETHING; and even if you don’t know what it is, it is a ‘something’ that is clearly of the Spirit, and that you hope might rub off on you, by proximity. Woman’s on fire.

Phyllis Tickle completely changed the world of Christian publication when she founded the religion arm of Publishers Weekly. She created a space where voices of faith—both male and female—could be heard by a mainstream audience. Her recent books have not only helped shape the church for our time and place, they have changed the conversation entirely from “how do we save it” to “what’s next.” The recent news that she’s been diagnosed with terminal cancer was received with heavy hearts. But somehow, she is making a ministry of dying. That’s pretty dang biblical, I’d say.

Nadia Bolz-Weber, and not just because of her cool tattoos and her “I-don’t-give-a-sh*t” boots. With the success of her book, and the masses attracted to her speaking engagements, she could easily be going about the work of building an empire… like, a Joel Osteen-sized enterprise, but for Denver hipsters. Instead, she has taken intentional measures to keep her congregation smallish, authentic, and focused on living the gospel through relationships.

The NUNS ON THE BUS you guys. Women not to be messed with.

Rev. Traci Blackmon. Girlfriend is bringing.It. She’s bringing it to her pulpit, bringing it to the streets of Ferguson, bringing it to the conversation about accessible healthcare, and mental illness, and all the other places where other people are afraid to bring it.

There are more. SO many more. Women of every age, stage and race who are preaching up a holy storm every Sunday of the world, while they lead and live the gospel every day between. They serve in churches big and small. They preach in living rooms and bars and public libraries and classrooms. They show up at the prison house, the State House and the White House. But I don’t have to tell you that. You know those women too. Some of you ARE those women.

But not everybody knows those women. They will never quite hear them, because they’re too afraid of what might be lost; what women might tear down, if they ever get their hands on the place.

So yes, I’d say those women we listed—and the others you know—pose a threat.  Not to the actual gospel. But to the rigidly defined “church” that only wants to gather and affirm its like-minded members. These women are a threat to patriarchy. They are a threat to religious rhetoric that wants to keep God small, and institutional authority big.

And you’d better believe they are coming to tear some stuff down.

Meanwhile, if reading that list doesn’t make you want to rock some Beyonce, then you need to get yourself to church and catch the spirit, quick-like. Who run the world, y’all? Girls.

*correction: readers have informed me that BOTH the ELCA and the Episcopal Church have women as Presiding Bishops right now. Holler back, Revs. Elizabeth Eaton and Katharine Jefferts Schori! This is why i had a question mark (above), hoping y’all would point me to a few others. Because if you ask Google about ‘influential women in the church, you know who you get? Joyce Myers and Victora Osteen. (sigh…) Thanks for the heads up out there!