On Hiding “Spring Spheres”

From Allan Bevere:

A teacher at a private school in Seattle, for reasons of political correctness, has renamed Easter eggs “spring spheres.” (The story ishere.) That is what the teenager, a volunteer, told the media as she brought the festively colored, oblong chicken ova to elementary school children. Apparently, the school administration did not want them referred to by their long-held, and apparently offensive name, “Easter eggs.”
Now, it should be obvious to everybody how silly this is, but if you are not so sure, I will explain why I believe it is shortly. But first let me say that it should NOT be assumed from this post that I subscribe to the cultural warrior mentality promoted by the Bill O’Reillys of the world. While I certainly believe we have some serious cultural tensions in the good ole’ U. S. of A., I think those who believe there is a war on Christmas, etc. doth protest way too much. I find it difficult to sympathize with those ready to declare war on those who would supposedly undo their holidays.
Having said that, however, I find it just as difficult to work up much understanding toward the politically correct camp who feel the need to rename anything and everything with even tangential religious connections. Seriously? Spring spheres?

Here’s the problem with this kind of nonsense– and it is nonsense: the whole reason that Jessica, the young woman who volunteered to bring those eggs to children (and may God bless her for taking the time to bring some goodness into their lives), is that EASTER IS COMING. The Christian holiday that celebrates the resurrection of Christ is the singular reason the “spring spheres” were even brought to the school in the first place. (By the way, I am not interested in the pagan influences on Easter and Christmas in this post. They are part of the current celebration. Let’s save that for another time.) The elephant in the room is Easter and the PC crowd acts as if they rename things, no one will notice.
Let me say that I greatly sympathize with teachers and school administrators who are pulled back and forth between the Christmas and Easter zealots who think their faith is constantly under attack by the “secularists,” and the thin-skinned non-believers, who are offended by anything that does not remotely affirm their non-belief. These folks, charged with educating our young, are between a rock and a hard place… or should I say between an Easter egg and a spring sphere.
My point in this post is that whether we are talking “spring spheres” or “holiday trees,” the whole reason why they exist in the first place is because of Christian holy days (for some reason the PC crowd hasn’t figured out that holiday is just a corruption of holy day). Those who are renaming everything are watching the obvious celebrations of Christmas and Easter and yet are renaming all the accessorial accoutrements as if no one will notice that the significance of this time of the year is religious in orientation. They are watching the emperor walk around naked and attempting to cover up the truth by hiding his nudity in Saran Wrap.
I have said before on this blog and will say it again– American society lacks a great adventure– so we attempt to fill the void of our boredom by sitting on the couch and living vicariously through the players on reality TV. Moreover, we reveal our lack of such a life-changing adventure by focusing on the nonsensical. One group wants to pick a fight against those who they perceive are stealing their holidays and the other side sets its sights on renaming the tangentially religious as if that really makes a difference.
I chuckled when I read how the story ended: “When I took them out of the bag, the teacher said, ‘Oh look, spring spheres’ and all the kids were like ‘Wow, Easter eggs.’ So they knew, Jessica said.”
If I’m not mistaken, wasn’t it a child who exposed the emperor for walking around in the buff? We adults have an uncanny knack for trivializing the momentous and complicating the obvious.
May our children not grow up like so many adults, wasting their time with silly attempts to cover the naked truth.
About Scot McKnight

Scot McKnight is a recognized authority on the New Testament, early Christianity, and the historical Jesus. McKnight, author of more than fifty books, is the Professor of New Testament at Northern Seminary in Lombard, IL.

  • MatthewS

    I thought it was a joke at first, I can hardly believe this.

    Aren’t spheres round? I don’t think eggs are spheres anyway!

  • Daniel

    I had me some “spring spheres” for breakfast. mmmm … mmmm.

  • http://www.billheroman.com Bill

    That educator should be fired immediately for their heinous offense to sphericality.

  • Albion

    There’s nothing spherical about an egg. What kind of teacher teaches children that eggs are spheres? Especially at Easter.

    Oppressive Ovoids perhaps (to make the point that Easter is an impingement on the separation of church and state with deleterious effects on the minds of impressionable children), but not Spring Spheres.

  • Jeremy

    Yeah, I’m assuming that wasn’t a geometry teacher. Also, the main reason PC efforts fail terribly is they have to be the most uncreative people in the world. I mean, couldn’t they have come up with something catchier than “spring spheres”? They’re not only offensive in their quest to not offend, but they’re boring too.

  • Rick

    Surely you can’t be spherious.

  • J.Random
  • TJJ

    Hey, don’t knock it until you have tried some of those scambled spheres with freedom fries and winter solstice cookies! And happy generic celebration day to all of you!

  • http://rhymeswithplague.blogspot.com Bob Brague

    Next thing you know someone will take a gander at that funny lozenge-shaped thing on some keyboards and demand that it henceforth be referred to as a hypercycloid.

  • Matt

    A “Home Alone” quote seems appropriate here: “What’s next, rabies shots for the Easter bunny?”

  • Richard

    @ 6 Well played sir.

    BTW, according to the original article, “Jessica” is a 16 year old student at a private school that volunteers at a public school, not “A teacher at a private school in Seattle.”

  • Ryan

    “American society lacks a great adventure” – YES! I am a new reader to this blog, so I have not heard you say this before. But I could not agree more! We need adventure!

  • nathan

    Best comment on the Hoax article link:
    Easter Eggs=
    Vernal Equinox Cassinian Ovuloids

  • Vicki

    Priceless! Thank you for pointing out the absurdity of the whole business. Amen!

  • Vicki

    The emperor has no clothes. Love it.

  • DRT

    From some book quoted on dictionary . com

    (from “holy day”), originally, a day of dedication to religious observance; in modern times, a day of either religious or secular commemoration. Many holidays of the major world religions tend to occur at the approximate dates of more ancient, pagan festivals. In the case of Christianity, this is sometimes owing to the policy of the early church of scheduling Christian observances at dates when they would eclipse pagan ones-a practice that proved more efficacious than merely prohibiting the earlier celebrations. In other cases, the similarity of the date is due to the tendency to celebrate turning points of the seasons, or to a combination of the two factors

    What’s good for the goose is good for the gander! (or bunny)

  • http://bramboniusinenglish.wordpress.com brambonius

    you Americans are surely funny.

    But spheres? Really? Could anyone explain American geometry to someone from over the ocean, for I don’t get it…

    Happy Spring holy days to all of you, and don’t forget to celebrate the resurrection of Saint Commerce…

  • JST

    Isn’t an egg hunt a pagan practice anyway? Certainly it’s not Christian. I am not sure why we have differing standards for it and Halloween.

  • Angela Birchfield

    Or they could concentrate on chicks and call them spring chickens…haha.

  • http://www.resaliens.com Lyn

    So this article is a hoax? No other source is mentioned. It would have been better if it was published April 1.

  • http://spirit-cry.com Cameron

    #18 JST: I’m even more surprised that out most Holy Day is named after a pagan fertility goddess.

  • http://www.resaliens.com Lyn

    The story is likely not true…Daily Mail (UK) has more of this story that UPI cut out…

    A spokesman for the Seattle Schools District told MailOnline they had not been able to confirm the incident had happened.

    ‘We have asked around about it but have not heard that it happened,’ they said before adding: ‘It’s a big district. Usually when something like this happens we hear about it.’

    Read more: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1376539/Seattle-school-renames-Easter-eggs-Spring-Spheres.html#ixzz1Je7a6xAP

  • http://www.resaliens.com Lyn

    #21 Cameron – Christianity has had a long history of transforming something pagan into something godly. Take me, for example.

  • http://Krusekronicle.com Michael W. Kruse

    Okay, we clearly need to bring RJS into the conversation. Some are claiming that there is no historical Jessica and therefore no spherical sin. So is it necessary for there to be a historical Jessica for the substance Allan’s piece to be true? ;-)

  • http://arbevere.blogspot.com Allan R. Bevere

    I have been truly enjoying following this discussion and the many witty comments; and now Michael Kruse gives us a new twist on the matter. So I will make three observations in response to Michael #24:

    First, while the story has not been definitively proven to be false, it apparently cannot be confirmed either, which rightly raises suspicions. But the fact that so many found it believable reinforces the fact that silly decisions comparable to this have actually been made in the past. Thus, there is truth in the story even though there may not be an historical Jessica. It’s not about history, but “theology,”

    Second, individuals in culture warrior mode will care less whether or not the story is true. After all we shouldn’t read texts literally anyway.

    Third, those who think renaming Easter eggs “spring spheres” is OK and perhaps a good thing (along with “holiday trees”) will reject the entire story because if it didn’t literally happen, the “truth” of the story can’t be trusted at all, and it casts doubt on all journalistic reporting, revealing that what they write is biased and therefore it can’t be counted on to be accurate.

  • Robert

    First, I’d like it to go on record that in my opinion, changing the name of Christmas tree to “holiday tree” and Easter eggs to “spring spheres” are truly ludicrous extremes of the PC crowd.

    That said, the columnist writes: “the whole reason why they exist in the first place is because of Christian holy days.” He neglects to point out, however, that the whole reason Christian holy days exist is the Jews (or if you prefer, a particular Jew), who, to this day, celebrate neither Christmas nor Easter.

  • Duane

    My sides are splitting! Fabulous. Maybe there is such a thing as a meme after all!

  • http://www.pueblocomputing.com/blog John Meyer

    Let’s see, an anonymous source with an unnamed “private” (actually public in the linked article) school saying that somebody somewhere is calling Easter Eggs Spring Spheres. Why am I not swallowing this story hook, line and sinker.

  • http://Krusekronicle.com Michael W. Kruse

    Allan #25

    Bingo. It is the very plausibility of the story that says so much.

  • Greg Drummond

    #23 – Fantastic response Lyn! I’ll have to remember that one.

  • MatthewS

    About the ‘spring spheres’, I believe I have two options:

    The Ehrman road: I used to believe this was literally true but now I know it is a fake.

    The Enns road: It is a true myth.

    (no offense intended, tongue in cheek)

  • http://www.stpaulsnitro.org Mark E. Smith

    This certainly was a new one for me. I knew about Christmas, obviously, but I didn’t know that the “discussion” had moved to Easter and Easter eggs.


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