A Nutella Breakfast?

Hamilton Nolan says No:

Residents of America: have you been approached by a friendly-looking man offering you free sweets from the back of a truck? Beware! This is not just any garden variety perv; it is a European perv, trying to corrupt our youth—by convincing them that “Nutella” is an acceptable breakfast item. It is not….

Why not just tell people to eat Reese’s peanut butter cups for breakfast because they have peanut butter in them for crying out loud!!!…

Second of all Nutella is European. So we are taking breakfast advice from Europe now? I don’t think so. Welcome to America, where we invented the Rooty Tooty Fresh ‘n Fruity™ and the Moons Over My Hammy™. I think we are all set for breakfast, okay? Europe? Do they even eat eggs over there? No, they eat a “croissant,” which is stale bread, or a “crepe,” which is soggy bread, and then they fill it up with Nutella, which is chocolate, and then they call it “breakfast.” We have a name for that already: “dessert.”

If we wanted to eat dessert for breakfast we would just eat donuts, which we already do!!!

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  • Europe, breakfast is different over there, man.

    My in-laws just got back from a few weeks in Ireland. The Irish were amazed and bemused that over here we ate friend potatoes with our eggs at breakfast. Ireland, the Land of Potatoes, and it hadn’t occurred to anyone to eat them for breakfast. But what do I know? Maybe Canadians are the only ones who like potatoes at breakfast.

    They also really like Nutella in Quebec. When I was in the Navy I was amazed at how much my Francophone countrymen loved that stuff.

    This was a great post!

  • EricMichaelSay

    It’s just chocolate spread. It’s awesome. Get over it Mr Nolan.

  • I had a grilled nuttella sandwich for breakfast yesterday morning. Yes it has a lot of fat. But it is less than a donut which is viewed as a breakfast food by most.

  • I was fine w/ our kids receiving occasional gifts of Nutella from their Italian Nonna… [cue Jaws music] …That is, I was fine until our son became a teenager, and she gave him this size to carry home from Italy in our suitcases. http://caydigestsny.wordpress.com/2010/06/26/largest-jar-of-nutella/ I was concerned that we’d be charged for excess baggage weight, frankly. None of us really wants to know how quickly he made it through that jar, but it was not a pretty picture. And I was not a happy Mom!

  • Barb

    heck no–just stick to those all-American breakfast foods–coco krispies, coco puffs, coco cherrios, coco frosted flakes, —
    also Nutella on a grahmcracker–add a toasted marshmello–instant s’more!!

  • RJS

    Nutella is pretty good stuff … but I wouldn’t have it for breakfast.

    Barb has it right – or my favorite chocolate malt-o-meal. Unfortunately my kids don’t/didn’t like it – preferring healthier food, so I haven’t been able to sneak it into the house on that pretense in a long time.

  • EricW
  • Evelyn

    As a European I’d just like to chime in here (and yes, I do get it’s not all serious!):
    1. there is no such thing as a European breakfast. Some French people it croissants for breakfast, though the tradition is yesterday’s stale baguette dipped in a ‘bol’ of coffee or hot chocolate; the Dutch traditionally have cheese sandwiches (though there are sweet options too); the Swiss have muesli; the English usually have cereals nowadays – no one has time for a full cooked breakfast any more; Germans also tend to go fairly savory; I’m not too sure about the Scandinavians; the Spanish just don’t eat much breakfast from what I could tell… anyway, I think you get the point.
    2. Nutella is yummy. Life should be enjoyed. Who cares if and when someone has nutella?
    3. American breakfasts are dee-lish – but hardly a paragon of health: pancakes with lashings of pretend maple syrup (“Aunt Jemima’s Maple-Flavor Syrup, with 3% real maple syrup) anyone? Cap’n Crunch?! Donuts? Eggs, bacon, waffles?
    4. No one, I repeat NO ONE eats crepes for breakfast, more’s the pity.

    Now, nutella and grits… that’s something I’d like to try 😉

  • Diane S.

    REAL Christians eat Nutella.

  • Ruth Anne shorter

    Thanks Evelyn! I totally agree! Love nutella! And crepes.

  • RobS

    Nutella in crepes is pretty darn good as well. With bananas or without, it’s pretty good. But seriously, it seems like a funny rant from someone who’s upset his breakfast was produced in a factory that did process tree nuts.

    I think I take “dinner advice” from other places in the world and seem to enjoy it. Sushi, bratwurst, pastas, red beans & rice, tortillas… just makes life a bit more interesting than cooking chicken in a skillet every night. Man does not live by “Shake ‘n Bake” alone.

  • LMoon

    Mmm … Nutella. Too dangerous to keep around, would have it for breakfast and snacks throughout the day ….

  • Jim

    My wife was raised on Nutella (she is German – born and raised in Hessen) and all three of our children eat it like there is no tomorrow. Can’t tell you how hard it was to find back in 1985 when we first returned to the States. Believe it or not, I’m the only one who is overweight and grumpy all the time 🙂 We love the stuff!!

  • Mike M

    I’m all for sugar-charging our kids and then sending them off to school. Nutella, donuts, Captain Crunch or whatever, let the teachers deal with their odd behaviors.l

  • Yeah, but somehow it’s ok for McDonalds and Burger King to try and convince the whole world that a meat patty in a soft white bread bun is a proper meal, or that a fruit jelly with marshmallows is a “salad”. Sure …

    And if you consider crepes “soggy bread” you obviously never had fresh crepes.

  • Norm

    This was too funny! But really Nolan, you have got to step outside of your American bubble and experience the real world!

  • Jenny

    re the trans fats, those are only put in for the American version, we Europeans get our Nutella without 🙂

  • P.

    The back of my jar says that 2 tablespoons of Nutella have 200 calories, 100 of which are from fat. Two tablespoons also have 21 grams of sugar. That makes Nutella spreadable candy. It’s not the wholesome, healthy food it’s marketed as here in the US. I don’t get into this jar too much since it is so high in calories, and frankly, it’s just too sweet for me

  • AndyM

    an american lecturing the rest of the world on diet?
    every friend i have who visits america observes that restaurant meals are so large that they’ll often either have only the entree, or split a main between two people.
    you want to get yourself some vegemite or marmite (the kiwi variety) if you’re after a seriously healthy spread that isn’t loaded with chocolate or sugar.

  • #8 As a Scandinavian I’d just like to chime in here 🙂
    There is no such thing as a Scandinavian breakfast, either. The Norwegians have bread with different kinds of chocolate or jam spreads. In Sweden jam or chocolate on bread is a sin. (About the only sin we have left in our catalog.)

  • Mike M

    @AndyM: that’s just Corporate America-speak. How do you keep the bellies of so many people full so they don’t riot in the streets? Feed them cheap carbs made of wheat (like pancakes) and corn (like high-fructose corn syrup). Americans who care about the health of their kids feed them high quality protein foods with essential fatty acids.

  • Paul W

    First time I brought Nutella home from the store for the family my wife asked, “How are we suppose to eat it?”

    With a spoon!!!

  • I definitely spread Nutella on toast for breakfast sometimes… but I picked up the habit when I was a missionary in Germany.

  • P.

    AndyM – are you saying that no American is concerned about nutrition? Really?

  • AndyM

    @Paul: For goodness sake. Get that chip off your shoulder. I was observing that the culture outsiders experience when they visit america contradicts the high and mighty tone that americans take towards outsiders on darn near anything. That “really” in your comment sounded in tone so much like Rob Bell’s “you know Gandhi is in hell – Really” that I thought you were channeling socinius.

    @Mike: the rest of the world manages to avoid riots without having such massive serving sizes.

  • P.

    AndyM – I really didn’t mean to offend you. It’s just that Americans get bashed quite a bit, so we can be a bit defensive. Trust me, we’re not all high and mighty – and not on everything. Visit us! We can be quite charming.

  • Just for the record….I’m a European. I like chocolate with my breakfast toast. Just saying. And, I’m not obese. Just saying. I love American breakfast too.

  • Ben Thorp

    I know that this is a humour (sorry, ‘humor’ 😛 ) piece, but it is very much indicative of the frustrations “Europeans” have with America. A few helpful addendums:

    1. As stated in comments above – Europe is not a country. Each country in Europe has it’s own culture and history, breakfast included.
    2. You speak of croissant and crepes, but the things you speak of are nothing like the ones I have experienced (either in the UK, or in their native France)
    3. Yes. We have eggs. Boiled, fried, scrambled, poached and omelettes.
    4. Here in Scotland a traditional breakfast would be “porridge”. Although closely followed by the “fried breakfast” – some of: sausage, bacon, fried egg, black pudding, baked beans, fried tomato, potato scone, fried bread, haggis pudding, fried mushrooms, toast…..

  • Dan Roth

    I’m guessing the professor already knows all these things.
    I’m also guessing that in a satire piece based on feigning ignorance he is probably feigning ignorance.