What’s in a Word: The Truth Behind Men’s Personal Ads

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. Don't forget to sign up for his mucho-awesome newsletter.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Yeah, my wife said I now have to do one for women. I'm not sure I dare…!

  • Rebecca

    LOL..that gave me a good laugh! I have tried the whole internet-dating thing and for me, it just was not conducive to a good relationship. I agree with the whole “car salesman” thing. (And it goes both ways). Of course it’s a rare situation that anyone would put down the nitty-gritty. And I get into trouble with friends because sometimes my email “tone” doesn’t sound “nice”; unless you already know the person, email/internet can be such a difficult way to get to know somebody. (Not saying it can’t happen). But thanks for the laugh…I hope someone does one about us girls. We can sure be a lot of “fun”. :)

  • Elizabeth

    Ha!!! You made me nearly choke on my coke!!! LOL

    These are pretty good… On a personal note, Hunky Hubby and I met on Crosswalk (in a chat room) several years ago… We were married just six months later! (Not that our relationship isn't great — it's TERRIFIC, but I don't recommend that kind of dating for normal dating. There really are some bad news people out there… Can you say, "stalkers?" Our relationship just happened to be a GOD THING.)

    Btw… Good news on his cancer situation… His pathology report came back with great news and things are looking a lot more like they are in our favor now… He's not out of the woods yet by any means, but God did some amazing things, and we really appreciate all of your prayers.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Man, that is AWESOME about your HH's pathology report. Fantastic. I'm just now dealing with some cancer issues relative to some folks in my own life, and I know what a DREAM a good path report is. Lovely. We'll keep praying, Elizabeth.

    Also, I'm begging you: Stop doing coke. (Joke. This is a joke.)

  • Elizabeth

    Ummm… For the record… It was the kind that can come OUT of your nose when you LAUGH (as in soda, pop, whatever you wanna call it — I'm from the South, so any kind of soda is known as a "Coke" – as in what kinda "Coke" do you want — Coke, Pepsi, diet, lemon/lime whatever) — NOT the powdery white kind that you put up your nose… LOL ( Believe it or not, I wondered if someone would think that's what I meant!)

  • nisperos

    Hey Elizabeth,

    I'm also glad to hear about the more positive news on your hubby's path report… Praise God!

    BTW, there's another good kind of coke… and it's for smoking…

    but not by people. It's the coke derived from coal and used in the production of pig iron which we use in the manufacture of steel.

    It's much more humane to use coke rather than Brazilian charcoal produced in slavery like conditions and which goes into the pig iron "…purchased by brokers, sold to steelmakers and foundries and then purchased by some of the world's largest companies for use in cars, tractors, sinks and refrigerators made for U.S. consumers…" (including General Motors, Kohler, Toyota and Whirlpool).
    http://www.bloomberg.com/news/marketsmag/modern_s

    Jesus and Peter were familiar with charcoal fires ( John 18 – Peter denies Jesus after His arrest; John 21- the fish on the charcoal fire after the Resurrection).

    Pray for the Brazilian charcoal workers and their plight. Pray for the coke to smoke instead of the charcoal.

  • Jojo

    Hi

    LOL…more LOL as i scrolled down. there's nothing like great humour when you're flagging around 3pm in the afternoon and SOOO not just in the mood for anything else… this is one fantastic article. funnily enough, i've just started emailing a bloke (british english for 'guy') i met on a christian dating website 2 months ago (we haven't met btw). find myself looking forward to his emails (err… more like 'check email' every 15 mins) and hoping and praying that HE might be the one. sad? yes… desperate?…yes (not ashamed to admit this online haha)… lonely? sometimes…need a new friend?…oh yes pls…. need to get a life?ABSOLUTELY….. having said that, i find my new e-pal to be quite 'cute'. he loves kids, teaches 6 year olds, composes worship songs, does a bit of painting and is now travelling the world as we speak. err John, does that mean he's running? haha

    but the one main thing i love about this bloke is that he's admitted to loving the Lord all the way and would love to meet a girl (dream dream dream) to share his life with around godly principles… awww

    all i can say is i'll give this a go and pray hard – to all of you reading this, please pray that my new e-pal and i will find ourselves the perfect soulmate (may not be each other) that God's blessed us with.

    ciao

  • kyle

    Although I found this article to be funny, its also a little sad that we are looking for "the catch" whenever anything sounds attractive. How do you really know the person who says "athletic" lives in sweats. Maybe they run marathons and body build. The truth is, we're into a very dangerous line of thinking that leaves people disconnected and lonely. Maybe we should repent of our cynacism and actually give people a chance.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Jojo: Interesting stuff! Write us and tell us how it goes with Mr. Internet!! (How is it that he's traveling the world? What does he do?)

    Kyle: You know, it's specifically because of your concern that I made sure to include in the piece this sentence:

    "I’m not saying these words ALWAYS mean what I’m here suggesting they might. I’m simply saying that they might."

    So (believe me) I'm with you on the idea that while humor is a beautiful thing, being MEAN never is.

    I can't even begin to tell you what it's meant in my life to A: Be a "humorist," B: Choose to be a humorist in PRINT, which is a form for humor pretty much NO ONE ever chooses, when Hollywood pays so much for any kind of consistent humor at all, and C: Be a humorist in print who doesn't ground his humor where 99% of all humor is grounded, which is at the expense of another.

    And THEN I became a Christian. So then I lost the whole, ever-bountiful subject of SEX as humor. Suddenly all my jokes had to be AMISH clean.

    Man. As I say, I can't even BEGIN to tell you …

    It's been great though. Having to hone away from ANYTHING … unAmish has actually served to sharpen … what I do.

    Anyway, good thought–and one about which I myself am very sensitive. Thanks for sharing it.

  • Elle

    Too funny. Now you make want to go and look at some dating sites just for fun. As we say here in Africa, and which doesn’t translate well into English, “may the bad spirit of having fun at others expense be defeated!” (Joking)

  • Teacup

    Oh, my goodness! Some of these put me in stitches! I laughed as I thought about reading these to the man whom I’ve recently started getting to know all over again, and whom I dated 30 years ago in high school. I wonder what his reaction would be? I think he would get a great laugh out of it, too.

    What was my reaction? I laughed pretty hard at most, as I said, but said, “Oooohhhh” to the ones about Bipolar Disorder….kind of hits close to home, unfortunately. But no offense taken. I love this website. It is THE website I use for reference (that’s what brought me here today, in fact!).

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Bipolar disorder?

  • Teacup

    Yeah, the ones about manic (specifically Bipolar) and psychotic (much broader range), though I did not mean to imply that you were specifically referring to Bipolar. It did sound like that that from what I wrote, so it is my turn to say, "My bad".

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    No, no–I totally understand where you're coming from. And it's good you're so sensitive to the topic. I, too, am extremely sensitive to all issues of extraordinary psychological dysfunction. We've had some … well, too much pain in our own lives over specifically bipolar disorder, and it's a constant factor with the population my wife works with at her nonprofit organization.

  • Kimberly

    I am laughing so hard. LOL! The majority of these are true.

  • Teacup

    Unfortunately, I would say I am what they call "overly sensitive" to the stigma that still exists concerning mental illness, even when none is intended. "Pain" from mental illness is correct! It goes right through the family. Perhaps it's not always true, but we have found Bipolar to be successfully manageable, once the person comes to terms with it. I hope your family has found this to be true as well. Cool, and many blessings!

    So I decided to go back and read some of these personal ad lines again. My favorite is "Loves dog." Has fleas. HAHA!

    Also, in my first blog, I said that I was thinking about reading these to a guy that I am getting to know all over again after dating him 30 years ago in high school. Since then, I have thought better of it. I'm thinking he would miss the humor of it and would wax philosophical on me. Oh, dear….I just don't think I could stand that. I have my own thoughts about this (this is good!), but any thoughts about the type of guy who does find these funny and the type who does not?

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Um. Yes. Being the guy who WROTE the stuff in question–and, worse, being a guy whose, like, whole LIFE is largely supported by and informed by humor–my personal, humble, extremely limited, for-sure-not-worth-paying-any-attention-to-at-all advice would be to LOSE any guy with whom you would hesitate to share anything you found funny (or certainly anything you found funny that's as innocuous as THIS innocent stuff).

    How can you be with a guy who responds to something you think is funny by "waxing philosophical." SOMEONE could be with that guy–but it sure doesn't sound to me like that someone is you.

    Well, that was … obnoxiously opionated of me.

    Cool! If you can't have opinions on other people's lives, what's the point of … KNOWING other people?

  • Teacup

    Yes, I did. Lose him, I mean. Actually we lost each other, I think, but not totally sure. He and I were never a defined "we" since we live 1,100 miles apart and considerably disagree on "we" doctrines anyway. That was quickly evident to the "me" part of this non-defined we. So I just kept listening. He, on the other hand, kept trying to put his theological foot in his mouth…and he did a good job (of course that's MY obnoxious opinion about HIS life)!

    So I am thankful for being the age I am now, since when I was in high school I was SO unable to have my own opinion about anything.

    From your last little ditty on guys ("Loves Christ." There's real hope.), I was just remembering what I have on a profile of mine at a high school site for "a perfect mate": loves Jesus and loves to laugh.

    That's what I want. Otherwise, I'm content with being with me.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Cool. So you want a Christian fanatic with a tickling fetish. Okay. People, let’s help Teacup out!

    Ark.

    Nice note, though. Thanks very much for it. And you’re right about the goodness of acquired wisdom. For all of its weird side-effects, I wouldn’t trade a day of my age for all the tea in … someplace where tea’s worth a lot of money.

  • harvey melton

    Borother John,

    You are such a hoot at times, yeah your right those ads are deceptive at best.After eight years of a very bad first marriage, i decided to let God chose the right Soulmate for me through prayer and a willing spirit. He did, he brought her to my front door, she had car trouble, i fixed it. the rest is history, we have been together for 26 years now, the thing is i knew her from when she was like five yrs old up. Our youngest child is twenty two months old, when he was born our youngest then was twenty and we have four grandchildren. My wife and i prayed for a son, now we have him, and he is all boy,i will soon be 52, there is a reason for everything, you just never know. thanks john, your a hoot.-Harv.

  • arlywn

    you… are going to make me seem like a nutcase in my classes.

    I tihnk laughing silently to ones self infront of a computer screen while others are around and not knowing what oyu’re reading makes someone seem extremely psycho and crazy.

  • Jean

    After a long day, I was looking for some Godly inspiration or a good laugh tonight and got both from your article. The inspiration, u might ask?? Confirming my resolve not to look for future mate online. I know it’s right for some people but not my style. This was fully LOL. Thanks! :]

  • Kelly

    omg….these are funny. I particularly like (and have dated):

    easy going

    family oriented

    independent

    Stable

    Thanks for the laugh, John. I needed it! :P

  • angie kilian

    Too funny! Now you need one for women. It would be even funnier. :)

  • Christine

    See I always thought that 'Sensitive' would translate to 'sit on the couch and cry about my childhood'. Boy, can't read these ads at all :) Flatmate came downstairs wondering why I was laughing so loud. Fantastic, love the funny posts just as much as the serious, it's a rare person who can do both so well :)


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