An Open Letter to Britney Spears

Dear Britney, Hi! How are you? Say, I was thinking: If you can possibly afford to, you should get out of show business now. I saw your performance on last night’s MTV Music Video Awards. It wasn’t … your most electrifying performance ever. But you know that. Not like our beloved media is about to [Read More...]

My Name Is Not Pato Banton

This is Pato Banton So the other night I went to see a concert by Famous Reggae star Pato Banton. Isn’t that the coolest name ever? Pato Banton. I wish my name was Pato Banton. One of his Pato’s big hits, titled “My Opinion,” features the refrain, “My name is Pato Banton.” So even he [Read More...]

Updating George Carlin’s 7 Words You Can’t Say On Television

Yes, George’s original seven words are Definite Cursing. But so what? You hear half those words on TV all the time. Especially since Martha Stewart got out of prison. So I think Mr. Carlin’s list needs updating. Here, then, is my personal vote for Seven Other Words No One Should Ever Be Allowed to Say On Television: 1. Insider 2. Conniption 3. [Read More...]

Why Doesn’t God Just Prove He Exists?

A young man wrote me the other day to ask why God doesn’t once and for all prove his existence. Here’s my answer to that earnest seeker. (Yo! Danny! Do good in school! And don’t take drugs! And … well, actually, that pretty much covers it.) First of all, God did prove his existence; that’s [Read More...]


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