Top 10 Qualities to Look for in a Wife

My wife and I recently celebrated our 26th wedding anniversary. If you’re a single guy thinking about getting married, might I suggest, based on my experience, that you marry a woman who possesses the following ten qualities?

1. So smart she constantly freaks you out with her humongous Absorb-O-Brain.

Upside: Hanging around with a smart person makes you smarter. Up to a point, of course. But still.

Downside: Smart people remember everything. Pretty mixed blessing.

2. So wise she makes Confucius look like Goober Pyle.

Upside: Your own private oracle!

Downside: Wise people are extremely good at anticipating the outcome of things that slightly less wise people do. Not always entirely gratifying.

3. So perfectly matches your idea of heart-stoppingly gorgeous that just looking at her wipes every thought out of your head.

Upside: Constant aesthetic revelation.

Downside: It’s rude to stare.

4. So compassionate she regularly makes you feel like Ivan the Terrible.

Upside: Constantly getting to see the highest aspect of human nature in action.

Downside: Basically stuck having to do the right thing all the time seriously cuts into TV-watching time.

5. So funny you can barely stand it.

Upside: Never-ending yuks!

Downside: Getting all the jokes means really paying attention, always. Worth it, yes. But still.

6. An indefatigable worker.

Upside: Stuff gets done.

Downside: Guilt for not helping with work can seriously interfere with naps.

7. The greatest artist you know you’ll ever meet.

Upside: (Relatively) free art!

Downside: A wife who’s driven by stuff you can’t even begin to understand.

8. Shares your spiritual values.

Upside: Duh.

Downside: None.

9. Is certain that the best thing to be had in life is a good marriage.

Upside: Willing to work to achieve a great relationship.

Downside: Willing to make you work to achieve a great relationship.

10. Absolutely without agenda or ambition for you beyond that you’re happy.

Upside: No nagging! Ever.

Downside: You have to decide what really makes you happy. Much trickier than it seems.

So remember, guys. To ensure a happy, long-lasting marriage, all you have to do is marry a woman who is smart, wise, beautiful, compassionate, funny, hard-working, aesthetically inspired, spiritual, passionately desirous of a good marriage, and has virtually no “ambitions” for you beyond that you’re happy.

That’s what I did, anyway. Sure worked for me.

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. John is a pastor ordained by The Progressive Christian Alliance. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. And don't forget to sign up for his mucho awesome monthly newsletter.

  • Gracie

    Number 3 made me call my boyfriend and read it to him. Where I ruined it when I failed to remember how to pronounce "aesthetic".

  • Mike

    The timing of this message is a little to perfect to be coincidence. I guess I'm gonna have to read throught it a couple more times…. Where did you hide all the answers John?

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Ha! All these responses are so sweet. (Um … except Mike's, which I'm hoping is simply over my head??). Too great, though. Thanks, you guys.

  • me

    Good luck with all this. Anyone who believes this garbage is a resident of La-La Land.

    BTW, if anyone finds ONE of these qualities in ANYONE, and can prove it genuine, then I'm a #@#$! astronaut. Best thing you can hope for is someone who doesn't talk back and doesn't #$! your friends. And good luck with all that too…

    lovingly,

    fred

  • http://theblondephotographer.com jaimewindon

    i love it!

    congrats you two!

    SOOO happy for you!

  • http://yeuann.blogspot.com yeu@nn

    Haha… is your wife reading this? ;D hilarious… and thanks for the writing!

    God bless,

    YA

  • http://fason.wordpress.com/ fason

    i could have used this 8 years ago… it wouldn’t have helped but it would’ve been nice to have. :D

    congrats on 26 years!

  • http://watercolorblues.wordpress.com/ Kimberley

    Happy anniversary – you certainly are blessed. I am sure she has her own list about you – and I bet she is equally as blessed!

  • Debra

    This is wonderful. I’m forwarding it to my husband: Darling, you are a lot like John’s wife, especially #’s 1,2, 4 and 10. Thanks, John, for helping me appreciate what I’ve got!

  • http://ricbooth.wordpress.com ric booth

    Happy 26th! I remember my 26th…like it was only 8 months ago! So I must have done the same thing! …’cept I was pretty much clueless ’bout your list at that time.

    And btw, I believe EVERY WORD… especially that absorb-o-brain part.

  • http://stefscrazylife.wordpress.com/ Stef

    Lucky, lucky you indeed!

    I think I have all those qualities. Unfortunately, I married a man who was bullied as a child, and took his frustrations out on me and our children. Who better to bully than a young wife and 4 little kids? Had things worked out, we would have been married 25 years next March. But he didn’t want to try, and found someone else to intimidate into a relationship.

    I guess I’ll have a second chance, I’m still relatively young enough. And I still have a lot to offer a man who deserves it. That man, whoever he is, has to earn my trust and my respect. I’m still a package deal (two teenagers still at home), after all.

  • http://floatingaxhead.com michael

    all i can say is that if this list didn’t create intimacy, nothing will.

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  • http://www.sheppardministries.com Greta Sheppard

    John….your styles of thought continue to blow me away! Arthur and I celebrate our 58th year of wedded togetherness this October 1st! I am curious to know what he would write about me! I often asked myself: What must it be like to have me for a wife? I’ve never gotten an answer….perhaps that is why we have stayed together!

    Congrats to you and your beloved!

    Greta

  • sharon

    Ok, John Shore, now Drop dead Gorgeous? Wise? Funny? Indefatigable worker? no nagging? You must have a YES Wife John, or just a slave for a wife. Beauty is only skin deep John. I suggest you get out a bible and read the following passages, Ephesians 5:22-32. I Peter 3:1-7. If you want to find out how a Wife should be and it will tell you how a HUSBAND should be too. And I am betting you are no were near that.

    Heck, your implying that a man should dump his wife for some one who just yes’s him. And does she have to have sex with him when ever he wants it too? Come on John lets get down to it.

    Stand in front of the mirror John and ask your self if you are the Husband GOD SAYS YOU ARE TO BE!!! For when you die John God will hold you accountable for not being what his word says.

    Yea, you for got how old this so called Drop Dead Gorgeous woman should be? I know she has to make him feel young again in his old age. Heck I know men who are in there 40′s and 50′s dating woman who are in there 20″s. They dumped there wives, for younger woman. And I am one of the wives who got dumped. Yea John, you have to remember that every thing goes South as we get older, Even your parts. Or do you require a woman to get plastic surgery to look good just for you!!!

  • http://bitterpeoplesuck.com a pretty, funny, smart, artistic woman.

    whoa fred and sharon are BITTER.

    um, fred, lots of people have those qualities, seriously? have you never met any good people, like, ever?

    and sharon, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, correct? get a grip.

    and FYI- i believe john is admiring those qualities (which BTW are prett admirable) that already exist in his wife, not forcing her to actually BE any of those things.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Fred (comment #9): You’re missing the point. It’s all these great qualities that make UP for the fact that she talks back and sleeps with my friends.

    Hey, Ric. Thanks for writing. Yeah, I definitely put the Braino part first. She’s a freak like that. I once saw a guy she used to work for–this kind of financial genius guy–kind of go into this frenzied, Brain Dump trance-like state, where he began to explain to her what amounted to this extremely complex calculus for comprehensively analysing the impact of varying interest rates on something having something to do with the housing market. In about 20 minutes he completely covered maybe 8 pieces of legal paper with scribbles indicating all KINDS of complex math formulas, percentages, ratios, formulas, etc. He was talking so fast you could hardly hear him. He did it for about a half hour. And she just sat there, looking at what he was doing, and when he was done, she goes, “Got it.” And she DID have it–all of it, permanently. And it’s not like she’d EVER, in her life, taken a math or economics class. In college she was an ART major. She had just taken this nothing JOB as data-entry person at this bank–and three years later was the Chief Financial Officer of that bank. Insane.

    Stef: Wow! Sounds like you’ve got it together. Sweet.

    Michael: My whole plan!!! bwahahahahahahahahah…

  • Pastor David

    Wow John!

    As usual a beautiful tribute to a working relationship and a wife you love and respect (congrats!) draws fire from some folks who eiter are lacking in relatioships or in personal strength. It is a compliment that you are so widely read by so many folks with various viewpoints. This expands your ministry. Happy (belated) anniversary!

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Commentor #16: THANK YOU!!

    Sharon: As harrowingly angry as you clearly are, you DO raise a good point! In the original draft of this thing, I had “YOU THINK she is so gorgeous…”. In other words, I had a built-in qualifier to the effect that, as #16 says, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. But this piece was actually tricky to structure in the kind of rapid-fire way it needed to go, and in finalizing its form I see now that I ended up accidentally LOSING that qualifier. So I’ll go back and put it in! Thanks for that! And … maybe consider doing whatever you might to be less angry? I mean … dang, girl.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Sharon: I just read the part where you got “dumped” for a younger woman. Yikes. That is awful. I’m sorry that happened to you.

  • Pastor David

    I think I need a new keyboard, this one doesn’t spell very well!

    : -)

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    I barely try to spell here in Comments Land. I figure if there’s no spell check, all bets are oof.

  • Tony

    Lol…nice job as usual, John. I feel the pain with #4 in particularly. My wife has the uncanny ability to make me feel like an ogre when it comes to being compassionate. But I am truly lucky to have her…..and glad she likes ogres….

  • http://360.yahoo.com/skerrib Kerri B

    About the beauty…I read in Readers Digest (so it’s gotta be true, right?) that some blah-blah study found that people’s perception of true beauty was not as much linked to some ‘universal’ scale of physical attractiveness, but tended more toward people whose faces they’d be happy to see (family, friends, and such).

    So, while I’m sure your wife is quite lovely to begin with, it could be that growing and maturing in your relationship has all the more made her the person you most want to see every day and, consequently, the most drop-dead gorgeous chick EVER to you. And I think THAT is beautiful.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Yeah! It comes up, like, all the time. One time Cat (wife) learned how this woman we barely knew–separated from her husband, now living with their two young kids–was going to be broke at Christmas. WE were broke; we had very near no money. But Cat scrounges together $100 cash, and we take off walking to this woman’s house to anonymously jam it into her mail slot. And we’re going over there pretty late in the day; it’s getting dark, and it had been snowing, and it was freezing. So we’re slogging through this field, and I thought, “This sucks. It’s so COLD. AND I CAN’T BELIEVE WE’RE GIVING UP $100!” And I look up at Cat, and she’s just quietly, patiently making her way–while I’m stomping around back there like Frankenstein throwing a tantrum. And looking at her, I thought, “Whoa. I need to stop.” And then I thought of myself like those guys on Wayne’s World, dropping to my knees right there in the snow, bowing before my wife, arms out, crying, “I’m not worthy! I’m not worthy!”

  • http://stjon.wordpress.com/ St.Jon

    I just loved your post and your sense of gratitude and thankfulness. Your wife sounds like she is all you ever wished for, and I am guessing you are all she ever dreamed of too.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    No, I was being as literal as I know how: She has virtually never WANTED me to do or be anything beyond whatever I wanted for myself. For a great deal of our marriage I've stayed home to try and make a living writing; she never once, ever, came home after a hard day of work spent basically supporting me, and asked me how my writing went that day, or ANYTHING like that. If she could SEE that all I did all day was lie on the couch and watch TV, she was TOTALLY fine with that. She just doesn't … ever have any agenda for me. She gives me phenomenal advice–I mean, we're full partners in everyting we … do, and we never DON'T talk about every last thing under the sun–particularly, of course, anything having to do with our lives–but she's just never been, like, "Get a job," or, "Submit more of your stories," or, "Why aren't you getting more work done on your book." It would never even occur to her so say anything like that.

    Trust me: A good marriage doesn't have jack to do with "pushing" anyone anywhere. It's about loving and trusting, period. We've always just thought of ourselves as two little kids, holding hands, making our way.

    (It's so weird, to think of anyone having trouble "interpreting" me. I write so SIMPLY. How fun! I'm actually Quite Complex!!)

  • http://savemenot.wordpress.com samanthamj

    My hubby and I will have our 17 yr anniversary soon. We also had that "don't push anyone" relationship you described. I say "had" because he sort of violated that. For many years he had his own business, and it was tough to ride out… but, I swear, I never once got on his back about it… I wanted him to be happy. I didn't want him to give up a dream. Especially not for me. But, years later, I wanted to give the old "have my own business" a go… and, it didn't work out nearly as well. He was totally on my back. He turned on me! Can you believe it?

    It's ok though… it's all good… we worked it out… eventually.

    Wait. I was going to make a point here… ?? I sort of went off on my own tangent instead… guess I'm not quite over it. Anyone got a couch and a pad of paper… I could go on if there's still time…

    ;)

    Oh yeah! I remember my point. It was that you are pretty lucky… and as long as you keep remembering it and return the favor your wife is pretty lucky too!

    Congrats on making it to 26 years!

    =)

    ~smj

  • Hjordes

    ur so sweet

    grats to you and cat :)

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Did he flat-out, full-on APOLOGIZE for not backing you the same way you did him?

  • harvey melton

    John,

    26 years here with my wife too. I prayed for mine and allowed GOD to put all the right stuff together for me. and just like john anderson i wouldn’t trade her for a money making machine.

  • Petagaye

    It wasn’t until I read the other posts and your own comment that I began to appreciate what you wrote John. At first glance it seemed comical in that it made me ask “Is he serious? No other agenda but to make you happy?” This woman you pictured, your wife, seemed extremely selfless and without a goal for her marriage. Prior reading your article I thought marriage was about pushing the other person towards a common goal…a goal that may not make the other partner happy, but will be for the benefit of the unit…the couple. But now I see that the qualities you described were written with the intent of expressing your appreciation towards your wife and that your description was heart felt. I guess its the thought that counts :)

    (Is it me or did others have trouble interpreting John?)

  • http://ricbooth.wordpress.com ric booth

    Wow, I ahhh… just read THE COMMENTS… I think your next post / question should be Ever Been the Victim of a Christian Drive-By? Of course, we only scream when we are in pain.

    My bride of 26.7 years is drop-dead-gorgeous.

    –SofS 1:15 (rbstv*)

    No qualifiers. No appologies. No kidding.

    *ric booth street language version

  • http://ricbooth.wordpress.com ric booth

    I rarely apologize for my speeling ether.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Yeah, comments are weird. 90% seem to come from nice, normal people. The rest, alas, seem to come from, like, werewolves that somehow learned to type. (Though, in Sharon's case, as you say, clearly she's just suffering.)

    You know what I think? I think being a person is really, really, really hard. It's just such a … massive challenge.

  • mm

    John-Just use Mozilla. It has SP built in. Its not as accurate as MS Word's SP(not that MS Word is all that accurate) but it helps.

    Plus Mozilla is better 99% of the time, the only time you should use IE is when you absolutely(i spelled absolutely wrong, twice, and it pointed it out for me) have to. Or do you have Mac and use Safari?

    Sorry…yeah the point being, Mozilla, my friend.

  • kim

    John –

    Congratulations to you and Cat! You guys are great together.

    I’ve known you for years and have a sneaking suspicion at least one of the reasons you joined a church was to try to answer the question “how in God’s name does Cat put up with you?” ;-)

    I also want to assure Cat this public announcement is in perfect harmony with his private statements about you. He is not saying it just for a roll in the hay. He truly feels this way.

    I wish you both many more years together.

  • Sabina

    John, I think it wonderful that you appreciate your wife and value her. For 22 years I was in a marriage where I was made to feel like a stupid, fat, slob eventhough I in no way see myself that way-my ex was bipolar and it took me a minute to get that I couldn't make that work. In any event, now I'm in a loving, healthy relationship where I'm made to feel totally adored, valued and appreciated and told daily-several times :). I pray that Sharon finds that -it is so worth the risk.

    Blessings

  • John P –Bako

    What a wonderful tribute and commentary — 26 yrs how could it be? CONGRATS– I always wondered what it took for her to get you to dress up as a large furry purple “thing” and entertain the children — (and that was a long time ago) now I know :)– Blessings –

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    John P: Please contact me so that I can send you however much you require to never, ever utter or write the words "Moola Moola." (I lie! Wasn't that FUN how we used to do that?)

    MM: No way, man. I REVEL in abandonnining spell checker here! If you can't be the worst speller ever in BlogOLand, where CAN you be? (Still: interesting. I didn't know browsers had SPELL CHECKS in them. Though that does explain a few things, actually. Thanks for the tip.

    Kim: Absoluely right. When I want a "roll in the hay" with my wife, I do the same as any red-blooded guy does with his wife. I follow her around the house whining until she gives in. (And thanks.)

    Sabina: Yikes. 22 years! That's awful. Bipolar is so … awful. Good to hear you're in a better place now!!

  • Elizabeth

    Hey, John! Congrats to you two on your 26th anniversary. Hunky Hubby and I are going to be celebrating our 6th at year-end… (He's doing fabulous, btw… )

    Thanks again for your prayers for us a while back… God did some really cool stuff on his behalf… If I think to do it, I will email you and catch you up on all of it.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Do. I'd like to be caught up. Good to hear from you!

  • Elizabeth

    Oops! I thought I had the email addy in my mailbox, but for some reason it's not there.

    Ok… here's the long and the short of it… Remember how I told you that we had a great path report? Well… what we did was go in and do another deeper biopsy on his ear… and we found out that the skin cancer in the ear was his primary tumor… and the node in his neck was the secondary. So, it ended up being skin cancer as opposed to the squamous cell carcinoma of the head and neck (a tissue cancer)… Treatments are entirely different, prognosis (even though he is still considered in stage 3 and this is an aggressive cancer) is actually pretty good, too. He has healed beautifully after three surgeries and will be starting treatments soon. We're finally in GREAT care, so that's also an awesome thing about which to praise God!!!

    Anyhow, sorry to briefly hijack the thread, but wanted to pass along the good news. :)

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    No, no: Hijack away with this kind of news! What a fantastic thing! Man, that's just so awesome. Congratulations. Thank God.

    Well. That's just so great.

    (Oh, if you ever want it again, my email address is on the front page of the blog. You have to scroll down about 18 miles to find it, but it's there, in the column on the right.)

  • Garcia Love

    Congratulation on your 26th anniversary. I am sorry I do not appreciate all of your 10 qualities, but as you suggested, they are yours.

    In Proverbs 31 verse 10 – 31, in the Bible which is God's word, tell us

    about the characteristics of a Noble wife. I am a female but I have a son and as he grows I will educate him on the Bible's principle. I have never gone wrong with the Bible and God's word has never gone back void.

    Thank you for reading, but I am sorry I was not impressed with your

    writing.

  • Kelly

    Garcia Love,

    Attractive is simply whatever draws us. These 10 obviously drew and DRAW John to Cat and that, unequivocally, bottom-line, (no-pun, no rhymn) is Divine.

    The Western world is grotesquely out of balance in materialisim and physical beauty/youth. Beauty and striving for it however are godly. See books Ruth, Esther, S of S. Most of us strive to be a Prov. 31 woman, Cat too, I’m sure, and she is. Strong, wise, thrifty, creative, deligent, servant. Proverbs also speaks often of balance in the scales b/c balance is so important and righteous, but a weak spot for most. I prayed & wondered briefly about shaving my head. If a man lusts after me, he sins. NO good. I learned that infinite God gives infinite favor to his children to draw (for His Kingdom) and beauty is just one. I learned the differences between lust, want, desire & need.

    Your son is in good hands with a bible following mother, however he will probably like pretty girls.

    Kelle belle

  • elle

    Nice. I am definitely looking for a man who will write such nice things about me (and stay married to me for 25 years on top of it). Oh, yeah, I have to be those things. Bummer!

    Congrats.

  • Michele

    Hey John,

    I LOVED this, it gave me goose bumbs over and over!! I am so happy for you and Cat! What amazing things to say about someone, I can only hope and pray someone will say ONE of those things about me! (probably not #1 and I'd settle for #4!! ) The the Lord has blessed you both, thanks so much for sharing!! :)

    Love ya both,

    Chele

  • bob

    Lucky you is right. Forget prayer, singles seminars and all the books about dating spiritually, all of which I’ve exhausted to no avail. It really all boils down to luck. Some have it, some don’t and that’s really the way it is.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    You know, I actually disagree. But your comment here has made me want to write a whole blog posting about WHY I disagree with that, which’ll be the next blog I do. Thank you, Mr. Bob!

  • carla

    It's funny how people who have had little or no success in marriage can have the absolute gall to argue with a man who has been married for 26 years. As a single woman who is waiting on God through the hope that lies within me, I am grateful for an authentic glimpse into the mystery of attraction. Thanks John :)

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Thank YOU, Carla! And way to write! Nice sentence structure!! Nice PHRASING!

  • Adrian

    Hi John,

    First time listener, first time caller. Your description of your wife has me wondering if you have any unattached daughters? (assuming that they are more like your wife than you – obviously) ;).

    Btw, just reading this thread I’m impressed by your style and graciousness – er, perhaps I should have started with the flattery.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    I do have daughters, but I’m afraid they’re not unattached. They’re Siamese twins. Bummer for you. But perhaps you have a brother near your age, size and look that you’d be willing to stick abnormally close to during the course of a double date?

    Ark. Ark.

    No, but thanks for the kind words.

    You have a cool name. I like the name Adrian. It sounds … arty.

  • Adrian

    What luck! I have a brother and together we are the perfect man, I’m witty and charming, he’s good looking – not that I’m not good looking, I just hide it well.

    Arty? All I know is that Rocky will haunt me forever, ‘Yo Adrian, I did it!’

  • Michele

    John, I'm going to have to give you a medal.

    - Second Michele

  • Michele

    Can I mess with everyone’s head here?

    (or at least whoever is still reading the comments on this particular post.)

    What does an unfixably ugly woman do to get married?

    (For the record, I am neither the prettiest nor the ugliest (did I spell that right?) woman in the world. I just wanted to pose a hypothetical and see how people will react.)

    - The Second Michele

    (I’ve got to stop using so many parentheses. I really do.)

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    It’ll sound like a pat answer, but I’ve never seen an ugly woman. I’ve seen women that don’t CARE how they look, and of course I’ve seen women whose features aren’t typically considered beautiful. But I’ve never seen a woman who didn’t possess something about her that could unequivocably be called beautiful.

  • http://www.ipandora.net Matthew

    I think I've found one.

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  • Sa

    I realize this is your formula which works for you and your wife and

    you are sharing worthy advise to maybe help someone else. Everybody has

    their own view on this subject or may have different requirements in a

    mate; not necessary to say you have the absolute formula. However this

    works for you–Bravo!!

    Your wife is blessed to have a husband who sees her in this light…

    both of you are blessed to have each other. Not often do people meet

    their soul mate, but it appears you and your wife have.

    Be Blessed!

  • http://annkroeker.wordpress.com/ annkroeker

    Well. If could exhibit just a couple of those qualities, I'd be thrilled. So would my poor, deprived Hub. He really lost out. I think the only thing on this list I might offer him is a modest version of the Absorb-O-Brain. Well, I don't really push any agenda, either.

    Otherwise, he's a far better man than I am a woman.

    Looks like Cat's hogging all the good stuff. What's left for ordinary gals like me?

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Well, see, it's not UP to you to say how many or to what extent you embody those qualities. Only your husband can make that assesment, right? Ask HIM which of those he'd say about you. He'll say all of them. Then you guys'll smooch. Then … well. I mean, this is a family blog, so let's just stop.

  • Selena

    Goodness gracious! I had no idea so many ppl could get so offended by a blog! We are all entitled to our opinions, however, I just wanted to add an encouraging note:

    Don't give up on love. Seeing isn't believing.

    Fred- there are nice ladies, but you have to be nice to attract them. :) Bees like honey…

    Sharon- Hating men will only hurt you and hold you back from finding true love. You have to just let it go. (Some men are poop tho, I agree; but don't hold that against all of them.)

  • arlywn

    all I can say is aww. ( actually I can say a lot more than that, and I plan too, lol. )

    you have the type of relationship I imagined that I would have with my guy. Unfortunitly, I might not ever know if I will have that. Currently we arent together because he has this odd thing where he 'has to do things alone.' I dont know why. But Im hoping he figures everything out soon cause I miss him. Even if we have our differences.

    I think I'm going to go snoop out the rest of your blogs and read them too. And thanks for the list, maybe you should get her to make a list for us girls.

  • lonetruth

    Call me jaded, but I gotta agree with "fred" on this one. If you fine one woman that's not obese, or isn't a shallow slut (those qualities are mutually exclusive), then you're one step ahead.

    Even MODERATELY atractive American/Western women are difficult to deal with and notoriously shallow and unreliable. Good luck meeting someone with even half of the above qualities, let alone getting her to marry you.

    It's slim pickin's out there, unless you're willing to go offshore to find QUALITY women.

  • Candace

    What QUALITY women, lonetruth? Poor 3rd-worlders willing to tolerate a life of what amounts to prostitution in order to get to the U.S.?

    Check out what the Bible has to say about being a godly husband (i.e., self-sacrificing love and servant-leadership), and maybe some of the women here whom you so disdain will start giving you a second look.

  • http://cbgrace.wordpress.com cbgrace

    I like this. I know I'm not all those qualities but hopefully my husband thinks I'm close.

  • http://none.... Kuineta

    I personally think the singular descriptions of ups n downs r incomplete while they r true!!!! now, if i were writing such a blog, u’d have an essay or proabably a thesis…..but then its John’s relationship n not mine. but in relation to his, i think he is extremely sweet n his wife is indeed a lucky woman to have such a laid-back husband who does not search for marriage-wrecking faults. Am lucky enough to find myself such a husband. But I just wanted to share my appreciation on quality 8. That is the most beautiful one….!!!!!!

  • http://www.fruitplaty.wordpress.com Shona

    Wow… you’ve practically described one of my novel characters! Of course, I did make her out to practically be the perfect woman for her husband. Unfortunately, with perfection comes sacrifice. ;)

  • Patty

    your characterization brought tears to my eyes… Thanks! that's EXACTLY what we think about the guys we should marry too.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Thanks for taking the time to write that to me, Patty. I really appreciate it.

  • Pingback: Top 10 Qualities to Look For in a Female Human Brain… « suDdenLy zOmbiE

  • dyann gardner

    mr. Shore you are an unusual gem. do you have any younger brothers, good friends, protoge,etc.? I live in a city where the women outnumber the men by 3 to 1. what few single men are here hang out in bars and trade girl friends like sports teams after they stop being a "winner". I need some fresh air–if you know what i mean.

  • Stevie

    I like it! Can I quote?

  • http://larrywho.wordpress.com Larry Who

    "That’s what I did, anyway.

    Lucky, lucky me."

    Once an atheist and I were painting an associate pastor's house. As we were up on ladders painting one side of the home, we could hear the pastor and his wife arguing through an open window. They were screaming and cussing at each other.

    "Instead of preaching to me," said the atheist, "you'd be better off trying to convert these two pagans!"

    I bit my tongue and kept quiet.

    So, the moral is: When you make glowing statements like this, live it twenty-four hours a day or keep your windows closed.

  • ShyAsrai

    two qualifiers that make me grind my teeth:

    1. you're beautiful "to me" = everyone else in the world might think you're a homely hag but pay no attention to that decidedly depressing scenario.

    2. i'm sorry "if" i hurt you = i'm not going to commit to fully acknowledging the fact of my trangression(s); your negative reaction to the matter come from your own personal crazy-place and are not indicative of accepted norms of behavior, therefore it's only to YOU that what i did/said was offensive/hurtful.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    I absolutely agree with you on both those, Shy. I hate both those.

  • clemence

    man i admire you not jelouse but admire lol god bless your words man sometimes you dont realise who you help when you do this kind of things, but im blessed and my prayers right now to your marriage, god’s blessing and grace is shown in a happy, long lasting marriage kind of like us and jesus lol god bless

  • Karen

    I totally fail in #s3, 6, 7, and 10. But my hubby seems happy woth the other 6. Poetry counts as art, yes?

  • tera

    I can’t believe there is any woman like this. We better clone her and kill all the rest of us women so men can finally be happy. NOT. This list is not going to win you any fans. But your wife will be pleased – she’s your biggest fan anyway.

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnshore/ John Shore

      No one who knows much of my work at all would ever think that I choose to write what I do because I believe it will bring me fans.

  • Melissa Chamberlin

    I fall short to all of these, but I do aspire to them all as well. I have the best husband in the world (sorry John, Cat and I would probably disagree on this minor point) and he knows I feel that way. We don’t always go together like milk and cookies, but most of the time. He thinks I am the bomb too :O) How cool is that? We aren’t perfect, but perfect for one another.

    The misnomer is that you don’t “find” someone like that, you become that to one another through a lot of work. So those of you who think you deserve that, get over yourselves. You need to desire it and be willing to sacrifice yourself to get it, only then will you deserve it.

  • Shane

    Replace “wife” with partner/mate/husband, etc. and I believe this is a fine list.

    Be blessed!

  • needhelp

    what about sex?

  • needhelp

    i spent most of my adult life trying to prepare myself for my man, i prep myself to be compassionate, caring for others, joyful, sociable, spiritual, intelligent, etc… and i dont do bogus but decent in those things… my friends enjoy my friendship and companionship. And i thought i was ready.

    when i married my husband who first loved me because i love people and have a compassionate heart, now in our marriage, all he really want from me is good sex. and because he felt unsatisfied with his sex life, he is irritated and annoyed most of the time, and its just a vicious cycle over and over again.

    i just want to say that, i thought these qualities were all that matter… but actually, it is not. the best quality is to just say yes to whatever the husband wants, never mind the values behind it, and learn to give good blowjobs.

    i’m sorry i sounded blunt… but that is how it is for me.

    those men who adores these qualities, i envy your wives, and i just want you to know – keep it up, you’re a gem. to the wives, pls know you are very fortunate.

    • Don Rappe

      I’m afraid that in this list John has taken sex for granted. He probably had no need to do otherwise. It is impossible to tell from your comment whether you got the kind of husband who doesn’t know how to seduce a woman and make her want him or if you are truly mismatched sexually. Still, I have a happily married goddaughter who once briefly discussed this situation with me. I suggested she needed to wait for a man with whom she shared the most important values and also she must like the feel of his touch. I think she got lucky and since she is as beautiful as a movie star and good hearted, so did he.

    • http://outofthegdwaye.wordpress.com/ George W.

      I’m going to pass along the best wisdom I have about marriage to “needhelp”.

      If you and your spouse have a healthy sex life, sex ranks as #11 on a top 10 things that make a good partner, if you have a bad sex life, sex ranks as #1.

      I know that this doesn’t help, but it is about the best advice you can take to get perspective in your marriage.

      When the sex life is strained, so is every other aspect of the relationship.

      When the sex life is good, it seems like sex is an afterthought.

      I think that sometimes the commitment to save ourselves fro the right person is misguided. If I had not committed the sin of living with my high school sweetheart for a year, and had premarital sex, I may very well have married someone who had very different needs and drives as me, and I may very well be hurt, ambivalent, trapped, miserable, or divorced.

      Instead I am happily married with my fifth child on the way to a woman who is on the same plane as me spiritually, sexually, and emotionally. All the pieces to the puzzle fit because I had a chance to count them before I bought it.

      It is hard to help you without really knowing your situation. How far apart are you sexually? Obviously personal limits are an issue (as your comment about “blowjobs” attests); but is there room for discussion or concessions? How patient have both of you been with the others needs and desires? How healthy is the rest of the relationship? Is there reason to believe that you both want to resolve the issues?

      The problem with sex is that frustration is expressed in other areas, and those in turn impact the drive we have to have sex….and the cycle keeps going until there is a breaking point. My high school sweetheart and I loved each other deeply. We were on different planes, at different times, and our foundation had been built on immature habits. We both cried for hours when we finally realized that it was beyond fixing.

      This is not to say that my wife and I have had a bump free ride. We have fought, we have gone to bed angry, we have (at least I have) thought about whether this was worth all the grief. But in the end we love each other, and have a commitment to make this work. Our relationship is between two people on the same plane and built on mature habits that ensure that disputes will happen but they will get solved in a way that works for both of us.

      I wish you all the best, and if there is anything that I can do to help….let me know.

    • Linda B

      You do know you can leave and let him do his own blow jobs. That’s why I like women, they have so much a better agenda. Like fairness and equality, comepassion, kindness and perspective and honesty about their expectations.

  • amajirionwu moses

    Moses A.N

    Talking about sex, i am a young guy of 28yrs old because of word of God in me i have kept away from sex (a Virgin) but some one advice me not to go for a girl that has sex before, because i may not be able to satisfy her sexiually, so i should go for a virgin.

    Can i still find a lady who is a virgin? even in missed of our christian sister is very difficult. Even there in school no way. do we have any at all.

    please i want your advice……….

    this are the things i consider in a women

    *she must be beautiful

    *must be a Christian

    *Must be tollerant

    *nothing less than 5.6ft

    • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnshore/ John Shore

      Um. And then there’s that.

  • Edison Yourself

    What do we have to say about this statement, that marriage is an act? Nobody has the manual, the best idea is to refer it to the originator God whos words cover everything.


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