How To Get Over The Post-Presidents Day Blues

800px-washington_crossing_the_delaware0001.jpg

Washington Crossing the Delaware, by Emanuel Leutze (1816 – 1868). Most of these guys were probably already tired of Presidents Day, but you know you’ll never be.

 

The banners have come down; the red, white, and blue bunting put away; the top hats returned to storage. No more reinacting the famous cherry tree incident. No more sonorous recitations of the Gettysburg address. No more good reasons to say “blue bunting.” No more pretending your couch is a boat while you and your friends pose in a Washington Crossing the Delaware tableau.

It’s over, man. Let it go. There’s nothing to do now but wait until next year’s Presidents Day season. (If you care to — and haven’t read it yet — please see yesterday’s How To Observe Presidents Day: Don’t Work.)

To help you ease back into regular life, why not think about the Presidential situation today?  It is election season, after all. Barack Obama makes it easy enough to think of Abraham Lincoln, doesn’t he? Lincoln was a statesman lawyer from Illinois; Obama is a statesmen lawyer from Illinois. Lincoln was thin; Obama is thin. Lincoln signed the Emancipation Proclamation; Mr. Obama grew up in Hawaii.

And the similarities between George Washington and Hillary Clinton are almost too obvious to mention. They both have big, yellowish, immobile hair. Washington’s on the $1 bill; Hillary has a husband named Bill. George Washington had wooden teeth. Hillary Clinton also has wooden teeth.

No, that’s awful. I’m sorry. Of course Hillary Clinton doesn’t have wooden teeth. I’m sure she has normal teeth.

And splinters in her tongue.

Sorry! That’s terrible. I need to figure out what’s wrong with me.

In the meantime, though, I, like you, will be avidly awaiting the next Presidents Day. Between then and now, I suppose there’s little for any of us to do but bust out a $20 bill, stare at it, and try to remember whether or not Benjamin Franklin was ever actually elected president.

Actually, if you really do want something fun and Presidentialish to do, you cannot go wrong reading Presidential Trivia, the latest book by language guru Richard Lederer (with whom I co-wrote Comma Sense.)

Also, I want to sincerely thank the great folks who left all the wonderful comments on my last two posts. These last two days I’ve been terribly busy, and so haven’t had proper time to respond to or even acknowledge those comments. But please know that, as always, I definitely read and appreciate every single one of them.

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. John is a pastor ordained by The Progressive Christian Alliance. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. And don't forget to sign up for his mucho awesome monthly newsletter.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    I was actually surprised to learn the name of that painting. I've always thought it was "Washington Crossing the Potomac." Or, "Quick: Pick the Boss." But, no. It's "Washington Crossing the Delaware."

  • Mona

    As an indigenous person of these United States, I don't want to think about George Washington for obvious reasons. Nor Hillary.

    As an IL resident, I don't want to think about Obama – we're overburdened with utility rate hikes and more are proposed for gas and electric. Only CUB seems to care about these issues.

    Lincoln, I have no quarrels with and can celebrate his contributions.

    This is probably more than readers wanted to know.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Who's CUB?

  • http://chrisbrewster.wordpress.com chrisbrewster

    Lincoln was assassinated. If Obama becomes president, he'll unfortunately probably get assassinated as well. Hopefully he won't get assassinated.

  • http://sisterfriends-together.org anita

    John, Thank you for helping me pinpoint the cause of my depression today. I woke up snarley, edgy and blue. My appetite was gone. The singing of the birds outside were like so many fingernails on chalkboards. The kitchen knives called to me. I was clueless as to the root of my problem and so I signed online to seek counseling at Cyber Therapists but was stunned to see my Paypal account had been closed and they refused to bill me…perhaps they sensed my depression was so great I might not be around to receive the bill. And that is when I read your new post. It was as though you were speaking to me, which actually wasn't all that surprising since I'm pretty sure I heard you say something yesterday while I was flossing. Anyway, thanks for clearing things up for me and now that I realize it's just the post-presidental blues I can get through this funk…at least until Flag Day.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    EXTREMELY FUNNY!! (Um. Anita, I mean. Chris: Not funny at ALL, of course.)

  • http://sisterfriends-together.org anita

    I'm thinking Chris might be suffering with a case of PPB too. If not then I only have one thing to say…….SECURITY!!!!

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Yeah, you can imagine poor Chris all slumped over at his dining room table, a spent six-pack of Bud on the floor around him, morosely grousing, "Stupid Presidents Day. Who needs it, anyway? I don't, that's for damn sure. Stupid presidents all end up getting shot anyway."

    Poor guy. The post-PD letdown really hits some people hard.

  • cometothewell

    Hey, John. You're a wordpress headliner today! WOO HOO!!

  • Mona

    John:info on CUB

    Chicago-based Citizens Utility Board (CUB). CUB, a nonprofit consumer watchdog group.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Cometowell: Yes, the powers that be seem to have been willing to overlook my blatant attempt to gain their system with my mega-obnoxious "How To Make Money Writing For Single Atheists…". (If you have no idea what I'm talking about here, never mind. Believe me, it's not worth it.)

    Mona: There is no WAY you're going to believe this, but I have a friend who actually used to WORK as a lawyer for the CUB. So. Duh. (You're an indigenous American? Well, this'll sound insanely stupid — not to mention insipidly, patronizingly shallow — but the truth is I was just listening to a recording I have of some Hopi flute music. In the last year or so I've become a bit of an Indian freak; I am, for instance, finding unutterably stupendous the book "The Earth Shall Weep: A History of Native America," by the great James Wilson. What tribe are you?)

  • http://skerrib.blogspot.com Skerrib

    Wait, wait, wait. Franklin–isn't he on the $100? And isn't Jackson on the $20? Of course I don't know for sure…it's so rare that I see a $100 bill.

    I heard somewhere that the famous cherry tree incident never actually happened. Washington was a good man, but apparently not THAT good…

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Oh, no! You're totally right! Jackson IS on the $20! How totally lame of me. I wonder if anyone else will notice? (I've always wondered if anyone in the universe ever really reads these blog comments. Now I'm kind of hoping they DON'T. Cuz that whole finish is ruined if I go back and … well, you see. It's unfixable. It NEEDS Franklin on the $20. I like the ending like it is.

    Bummer!

    Pretty funny, though. You know. In a really sad way.

    Thanks a LOT, Skerrib.

    I blame you. Again.

  • Leif Sr.

    John,

    Your comparisons are very insightful, although I thought Hillary’s teeth were more like fangs, but that’s just me.

    Oh, and my mom made us kids stop the Delaware crossing after we capsized the couch.

  • http://www.sisterfriends-together.org anita

    Tampering with US currency is a federal offense but whether that applies to counterfeit currency in word only for the benefit of a blog story I'm uncertain. Hey, ChrisBrewster! When the FBI swing by your place to check on where you got your information on Obama could you ask them about the counterfeit thing on behalf of John? Either way, not to worry since I hear there's free wireless in most federal prisons which means no blog down time. It's all good.

    And yes John, apparently some of us actually read the comments because we have the time to do so. Please refer to "How to Be Unemployed," John Shore, 2008.

  • http://skerrib.blogspot.com Skerrib

    As always, I aim to please. ;)

  • http://xeniacitizenjournal.wordpress.com/ Editor

    Darn, I always thought it was an apple tree and Martha Washington was the culprit. Guess I would flunk Presidential Trivia.

  • Deborah

    John, as always you make me laugh out loud!

    Fellow responders (if you have read this far down), thank you for being almost (sometime just as – but don't tell John) as funny!


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