I’m Green Like Kermit

My Hero

I used to be a broke underachiever. Thank God those days are over. Now, instead, I’m green like Kermit.

I drive an old Ford Focus that I never wash or change the oil in. Whereas before this meant I was monetarily challenged and adverse to effort, now it means I’m a dedicated environmentalist.

I’ve always lived in compact, vertically stacked, densely-arranged residential units. Too poor to buy a house? Wrong. Habitatilly (I’m sure it’s a word) green.

When the choice is between steak and rice with beans, I always choose the rice with beans. Too broke to gnaw a bit o’ Bossy? Nah. Just green as Bossy’s dreams.

Just about everything I own, I bought at a thrift store. Not allowed in Bloomingdales — or like the thought of dales in bloom? You guessed it.

I’m not huge on grooming — I rarely shave, and take really fast showers. Am I someone with whom you’d be embarrassed to be seen in public? I don’t know. Depends on how you feel about murdering the earth!

Awesome.

Where once towards me you could be mean / You’d now have to admit: I’m green!