I’m Green Like Kermit

 

My Hero

I used to be a broke underachiever. Thank God those days are over. Now, instead, I’m green like Kermit.

I drive an old Ford Focus that I never wash or change the oil in. Whereas before this meant I was monetarily challenged and adverse to effort, now it means I’m a dedicated environmentalist.

I’ve always lived in compact, vertically stacked, densely-arranged residential units. Too poor to buy a house? Wrong. Habitatilly (I’m sure it’s a word) green.

When the choice is between steak and rice with beans, I always choose the rice with beans. Too broke to gnaw a bit o’ Bossy? Nah. Just green as Bossy’s dreams.

Just about everything I own, I bought at a thrift store. Not allowed in Bloomingdales — or like the thought of dales in bloom? You guessed it.

I’m not huge on grooming — I rarely shave, and take really fast showers. Am I someone with whom you’d be embarrassed to be seen in public? I don’t know. Depends on how you feel about murdering the earth!

Awesome.

Where once towards me you could be mean / You’d now have to admit: I’m green!

 

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. Don't forget to sign up for his mucho-awesome newsletter.

  • http://survivingfitness.com A2B

    Very Awesome! I have to admit, I'm more Miss Piggy pink than Kermit green. But the two compliment each other so well, don't you think?

  • Leif Sr.

    Thank you for putting political correctness in its proper perspective. Of course, I’ve always been green.

    Leif Sr.

  • http://samwrites2.wordpress.com samwrites2

    John,

    I'm joining you on your quest to keep from filling landfills with razor blades.

    Here's to looking like the Soggy Bottom Boys.

    -Sam

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Well, sure, you’re green. You’re a Leif.

  • Dan Harrel

    John,

    I believe I'm more white than green, what with advanced age and such. And then there is the tan areas where there is no white. I did a full body scan and there isn't any green, so I'm kinda relieved about that. All the pink is gone too, replaced by things they call liver spots. Then there's the brown, but I'm sure your not interested in that. Good luck with that green stuff.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Thanks for sharing, Dan.

    NOT!

  • Stina

    You should buy a scooter and then you can be DARK green!

  • http://www.ourworldcommunity.ning.com Jeff

    Glad to hear it, John! There’s a widespread misconception that Christians don’t care about the earth because they don’t expect to be here long. Yeah, but…if the meek are going to inherit it, it’s only fair that we leave it in decent shape. Nice post!

    Jeff

  • Lynn

    “It’s not easy being green…”

    Reportedly, with 2,000+ siblings…Kermit commented, “…at Christmas it takes two weeks for everyone to hang up their coats.”

    What is there not to love about Kermie?

    Keep in mind John, you will have to watch your back…Miss Piggy is always in pursuit.

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    No, because if I rode a scooter, I'd end up purple. Green and red, don't you know…

  • Elizabeth

    No… Red + Green = Brown, Red + BLUE = purple…

    But we aren't talking about brown…

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Oh, yeah: Duh.

    Ew. I know. I am TOTALLY voting for Stupidest Company Slogan EVER: "What can brown do for you"?

    What the freak was ANYBODY thinking with that?

  • http://skerrib.blogspot.com skerrib

    I LOVE brown. Brown keeps me functioning, gets rid of the bad stuff, and if I eat enough fiber, brown floats. ;)

  • arlywn

    plus you're famous like kermit

  • http://ingridspeaks.wordpress.com Ingrid

    I'm late to this one John, but I most defininately feel you. I too am green. Who knew never changing your oil and refusing to wash your windows could be considered conservationism. Thanks for giving me a good excuse the next time my dad exclaims that the oil in my car looks like mud!

  • http://www.johnshore.wordpress.com John Shore

    Exactly. Mud is the new gold.


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