I’m Not Lettin’ Go of Xmas Until They Pry It From My Cold, Dead, Fat Fingers


The important thing to remember when returning to work on a normal Monday after what feels like two months of holiday delightfulness wherein you barely had to go to work at all is not to kill yourself.

Yesterday I spoke at St. Paul’s Cathedral in San Diego on the relationships between Christians and people who feel they have every last reason to think Christians are insane homophobic misogynists. A ton of people showed up. I was awesome. Today I’m still awesome, but no one’s clapping for me or telling me how great I am. I am sooooo ready to shave my head and start dressing inappropriately at night clubs.

I’ve killed my Twitter page. My life is twittery enough.

Into the coffee I’m drinking right now I poured not milk or cream, but eggnog. I, for one, am not letting go of Christmas until they pry it from my cold, dead, fat fingers.

Love to you all! Remember: Switching the N and Y in New Year makes Yew Near. As in You, Near. So this year, let’s all be sure to put forth that little bit of extra effort it takes to stand too close to people in elevators.


Related post o’ Mine: 5 Things to Tell Yourself at the End of a Three-Day Weekend

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  • dinainsuburbia

    funny, I wrote yesterday about how ending Christmas always made me feel a little sad and empty. I should've kept the tree up!

  • Better to put the eggnog into coffee than let it go to waste. I drink neither, so you can have my share.

  • Actually Yew Near refers to your inappropriate relationship with a tree.

  • Rich

    Based on the closing remark of this post, that must be some exceptional egg nog that you added to the coffee (How has Starbucks not tried to market that already?!)!

    I'm headed to the nearest elevator in celebration.

    Happy Yew Nears!

  • I think that you are great John.. and I didn't even hear your message yesterday.. and I'm sure that has nothing to do with my admiration for you 🙂

  • Stuart

    Your positive self image always brings a smile to my face. Excellent stuff!

  • Max

    John, since Christians are given so many labels, how did you happen to narrow it down to “insane homophobic misogynists”? I mean, the possibilities are endless! You could have spoken for weeks!

  • Transcript please…

  • Aurelia

    Remember, Christmas isn’t over until after January 6 anyway! (Isn’t that the date of the feast of the Ephiphany in many countries? Which is a good enough reason for me not to disrobe my mini-tree until after then!)

  • Candace

    Mike, you look almost as happy-go-lucky as Morse 😉

  • Aurelia: EXCELLENT POINT! (And awesome name; I love your name.)

  • Thank you, Stuart. You are SO the man. God bless you and your good work this year.

  • Mike: Of my talk on Sunday, you mean? Ha! Very kind to ask. But it wasn't much more–if any–than I imagine you've already read from me anyway.

  • Max: Well, you know, I'm a writer. It's all about boiling it down to essentials for me! And I thought that basically covered it.

  • THANKS, KANSAS BOB! I think you're great, too!

  • Rich: You're the best.

  • BRIAN: YEW TREE! WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT? Could yew BE any funnier??

  • Skerrib: You're young yet. Just wait.

  • I totally agree. I guess it's almost time to take the Christmas tree down. LOL. Once "Little Christmas" is over, it's hard to keep coming up with excuses. LOL.

  • Kristen

    This post was absolutely hilarious. Just throwing that out there. And I'm still playing my Sufjan Steven's Christmas on my itunes 🙂