Proof People Get Stoned at Work

Here’s an email I recently received:

Dear John:

The other day a co-worker of mine suggested that he and I “smoke a doobie” together before going into work. I was appalled at the suggestion, and opined that no one in the world ever worked at their job while high on marijuana or anything else. To this my friend laughed so hard it took about two minutes before he was finally able to ask me what planet I was from. So my question to you is: Do people ever work at their jobs while they’re stoned? I say they don’t—but will defer to your expert opinion.


Doubting Friend of [name deleted in case future potential employer ever Googles name]

Dear Doubting Friend of [name deleted in case future potential employer ever Googles name]:

Opined”? Sweet! But to the point: I, too, used to believe that no one would dare to work while stoned. But that illusion was shattered for me just recently, when I opened up my brand new food processor to find connected to its electrical chord the tag below. If this doesn’t say, “Oh, no, dude! We’ve totally been at lunch too long! Do you have the Visine?!”, I don’t know what does.






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  • Variant

    The chances are higher that the person responsible for the creation and placement of the tag on your new food processor is non-english speaking. What are the chances he’s stoned and outsourced?

  • Victor

    While that tag isn't a very sure-fire way to tell whether the employee who made that was stoned or not, I can indeed tell you that not only am I at work right now, but I am also very stoned. Yes, people get stoned at work. And school. And church. And funerals. And weddings. And court proceedings. Basically, stoners get stoned all the time, for any occasion.

  • I'm most puzzled about the word balloon. Who's talking? The outlet? If so, why isn't it saying "Please plug this into me!" or something. My head hurts.

  • Yes, the word balloon is where it all goes south. Or … North. Or … into BizzaroLand.

  • dia

    i would like to testify to the fact that yes indeed, people do get stoned at work. for me, smoking marijuana was a coping mechanism after a particularly bad breakup (long term partner cheated on me and i was devastated). i smoked every day for two years while recovering. this included while i was at work. true, the quality of my work suffered as did my motivation for that particular job. but it got me through, and i am back to being clear-headed as ever and am now in grad school. just my .02.

  • Jim

    If someone can function well at work while stoned, then who cares?

    Who is anyone to dictate what works better for others?

  • the feather

    Yeah, but CAN someone function well at work while stoned?

  • jonny be

    Yes, of course. Going to work stoned helps a lot of people get through their boring tedious jobs everyday. It also works for school, and like someone else already mentioned, just about any occasion. Stay high…

  • For the record, I have never, not once, gotten stoned at work. There are times and places for cannabis use and times and places where it’s inappropriate. Work is one of those.

    Of course, I’ll probably never be able to get another job because employers will google me and find me as the poster boy for getting stoned at work.

  • Kara K

    I have to wonder about your state of mind when you opened your food processor. If the tag was on an “electrical chord” either it’s a musical food processor or you were hearing the music in your head.

  • Anonymous

    I’ll go take care of that…

  • Anonymous

    Done. You’re safe now.

  • Functioning “well” at work has returned as in vogue? SIGH! Please tell me where! I am still forever fraught by salespeople, drive-through staff, and more, who cannot engage simple communications, make basic change, and more. And I’m talking about people for whom English is their one and only language! Try owing $37.92 and giving $40.02 so you don’t get a bunch of pennies back only to be told they “can’t do that” because you “gave more” than was owed. They didn’t know what do to with the $.02!!! SIGH!!! Explaining “You give me a dime back, this way,” was “We don’t do that here.”

  • Dallas Jenkins

    In this case, “stoned” is code for “Chinese translation for product directions.”

    I’m a Christian conservative, and I believe that pot (and all drugs for that matter) should be decriminalized. You haven’t swayed me, Shore!


  • paco the mexican

    hell yeah

  • sam

    Haha i’ve just rolled a spliff in toilets at work. im gonna have it on my dinner break, just found this website by searching “being stoned at work” ill leave my story after i’ve done it. hope noone realises haha