A Psychotherapist’s (Imagined) Field Notes on Why Church is So Boring

1boredbabyYesterday whilst zipping about the web I saw a story headlined, “Psychotherapist Analyzes Why Church is So Boring.” I didn’t read the story because who gives a sprung couch spring—but then this morning I woke up imagining what Dr. Pill wrote in his notebook as he sat in the church service he analyzed. Maybe his notes looked something like this:

Benches too hard. Pew. P.U. Potty issues?

Men in suits. Church just another job?

Opening song: Awful. Rock of Aged. What about Stones, Clapton. Bob Marley? Polka? Anything.

Church announcements/biz. Meetings, meetings, meetingszzzzzzzz. Need scandal, gossip! Missed opp.

“Kidz Tyme.” (Why can’t Johnny’s dad spell?) Years for kids to finally gather up front. Mr. Child Relate tells story about choosing right present, or presenting right choice, or righting present choice. Yawnfest. Kids seem to enjoy! But at what cost?

Another song?! Worst rock concert EVER!!!

Sermon. So this is how Christians condition selves to experience eternity. I miss music.

People asking for prayers. Not boring. Cried a little. (Pray for cancer lady.) Put in more of this.

Another song. A.N.O.T.H.E.R.F.R.E.A.K.I.N.G.S.O.N.G!.!.!.!. I would buy this church a karaoke machine. Will.

Pass hat time. Please, God: buy music lessons for Lead Zeppelin.

Bread and wine time. Wine to vinegar if any slower. Seconds on wine ok? Cheez Whiz? Lox? (Hell for me?)

Final goodbye—go, be blessing to world, bore people into believing etc. Procession out: Plod of the Half-Dead. Must shake pastor’s hand. (Germs?)

Verdict? Not exactly Circ de’ Soul.

And yet. (!!!)

 

**********************************************************************************************************

Follow: http://twitter.com/johnshore

Befriend: http://www.facebook.com/john.shore1

Be Fan: http://www.facebook.com/pages/John-Shore/89494795412?ref=s

Say it ain’t so, Trader Joe!
10 Tips for Becoming an Amazaballs Husband
Back to school special: A liberal arts education in 500 words!
Gay porn as published by Christians fundamentalists (NSFW)
About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. Don't forget to sign up for his mucho-awesome newsletter.

  • http://myspacearchive.wordpress.com Bethany

    My pastor back in the states has a saying: If it's boring…it's probably not God. And yes I think everyone should go to The Rock of Roseville, whether they live in Northern California or not.

  • Christine

    would LOVE it if they would play Led Zep in church…..why does Christian music all have to sound the same?? There was a time when churches were the place people would look to for innovations in art and inspiration in music…now, not so much. God must be so BORED with us

  • Kelly Lynn Mosher

    My goodness!!! People, please pull up my church http://www.springarborfm.org and also great music at [broken link]. My heart is racing with the reality of God and I'm not a sensationalist. Theme has been Real Hope. At least listen to 11.01 and 11.08th. Love your humor John. Keep it up Broatha.

  • http://ricbooth.wordpress.com ric booth

    Lead Zep! ha!

    Kinda funny how Dr Phil has the same tastes in music and John Shore.

  • http://writerwise.blogspot.com cjoybrass

    I'm a little confused.

    The post seems to mock a psychotherapistic (and unregenerate) view of church, but those posting afterward seem to agree that church is boring. Why do Christians get caught up in the worldly idea that church should be entertainment? Aren't we there to worship a holy and majestic God through singing and the preaching of His word? Oh, how my heart delights in how alive and sufficient the Word is, and what a joy it is to gather with the brethren.

    "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:2

  • http://myspacearchive.wordpress.com Bethany

    Exactly. If that's not exciting, you're probably not doing that.

  • http://www.myspace.com/whitenoisemetalpodcast Brian Shields

    Some of the best metal bands in the world today are Christian bands… check out Zao and As I Lay Dying

  • http://skerrib.blogspot.com skerrib

    I got to play the Stones in church once for the opener. It was faboo.


CLOSE | X

HIDE | X