Are the End-Timers Finally RIGHT?

This is a United States Geological Survey map showing the 2,526 earthquakes we’ve recently enjoyed in, planetarily speaking, my neck of the woods.

For the past week or so our (three-story!) townhouse has been shaking so much that, for fun, I’ve taken to moving my chair into the middle of our living room, waiting, and then seeing where I end up. Maybe it’ll be by the TV! Maybe by our bookcase! Last Tuesday I cracked my knees right up against the front door!

Good times.

This morning I was awakened at 4 a.m. by rain coming down so hard that I thought it was some sort of weirdly prolonged thunder. It was one of those very rare rains about which you can know it’s simply not possible for any more water to fall from the sky. The rain was almost a solid, you know? It wasn’t exactly deafening, but unless you were standing right next to me, for instance, it was almost impossible to hear me blubbering about the end of the world.

You know how rain of that volume only lasts, at most, a minute? This one continued, unbroken, for two hours.

Awhile back I was interviewed about my book “I’m OK–You’re Not’ by a guy who is an End Times Christian. He was super-adamant about so many things in the world today being Biblical signs that the End of Days are upon us. Outwardly, I smiled and nodded; inwardly, I wondered how many people have died fully convinced that they just missed the End of Days.

One more rain like that, though, and I’m calling that guy.

He’ll be all, “Oh, sure. Now you call me.”

And I’ll cry into the phone, “Come get me right now! You wouldn’t believe what’s happened to my knees!”

(Update: this story, published this evening in the Los Angeles Times: More Moving and Shaking, but Why?)


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What Are Your Thoughts?leave a comment
  • You'll be okay for a MONTH or so? Holy cow. How much cheese and macaroni did you FIND in your pantry? Me, I'll be eating the crunchiest, most delicious protein there is. Fried lizard.

  • Tammy Lubbers

    I think you need to put wheels on your chair. Rock 'n' roll!

  • John,

    I'm sending you my copy of "88 reasons Why The Rapture Will Be in 1988" right away.

    If memory serves, Jesus said that no one would know the hour of his return.

    Seems like there are a lot of end-timers out there determined to prove him right!


  • Okay maybe not a month. But definitely a week when you account for the other stuff in there. Dried pinto beans and whatnot.

  • Oh. Then I'm not coming over. I don't want cheese and macaroni with BEANS.

    Wait. Maybe I do.

    Set a place.

  • I'm waiting for a couple more end-time-signs before I fall apart… and stop drinking too much wine, and get my act together and realize the sandwich-board / megaphone guy was not a nutcase.

    Until then, I will continue drinking wine and calling "that guy" a flippin nutcase.

    "I love Jesus, but I drink a little" ~ Gladys Hardy

  • Brilliant !

  • Vivian

    I like that idea.

  • Vivian

    I think it all about to much hipe on the 2012 planet aligning Stuff.

  • Jeannie

    The book of Revelations talks about a long silence in the Heavens. I think it is for all those end time book writers to have a chance to update their books to reflect what really happened.

    My call – 2012 Hype. I think.

  • You were interview by Harold Camping?!?! You Rock.

  • Wanna borrow my dingy….?

    ***ducks and runs***

  • Well here I went and just bought a Black Diamond backpack and a 90 day supply of Bare Minerals… dammit Jim!!

  • Hahahaha. I’ve thought about that a lot lately. Sooner or later, it will all hit the fan, and the big end times folks will be all, “See??!! We TOLD you so!!!”

    I just found a whole buncha mac & cheese in my pantry so I think we’ll be good for a month or so. But then, of course, I’m hoping for the pre-trib scenario, so maybe it’ll be a moot point.

  • The Harold Camping mentioned by Ric is adamant that the very day of the rapture will be May 21st 2011 (his is vague as to whether it will be before or after lunch) and the earth will physically cease to exist precisely 9 months later. Apparently his followers are unaware that he has predicted and missed the rapture date at least twice before. …but this time it is unambiguous and for sure….really. Now if his followers ARE aware of his previous rapture wiffs, then they will literally believe anything. Judging by his pictures, he may be one of those that 'just missed' the rapture too! …otherwise I would love to have brunch with him on May 22nd. Go to and find a local broadcast outlet and listen to him. It is oddly riveting. Don't forget to send in your 'love offering'.

    And let us not forget Sarah Palin was raised as an end-timer and is "seeing signs". Wouldn't it be ironic if she took office in January 2013 and fulfilled her own prophesy with the US nuclear arsenal? That would give you something to write about John.

    As far as earthquakes go…I was just 7 miles from the freak upper midwest earthquake that hit back in February. They sure make you take notice.

  • onemansbeliefs

    The L.A. Times did not even connect the earthquakes with the end-times… That settles it. I will only get my Biblical End-Times News from…

    John, are we starting to lean Fundy?

  • Hey don't forget the peanut butter. Or the instant coffee, because you won't be able to use electricity. At least that's what the lady at the grocery store told me a few years back when we thought Hurricane Ike was going to come up into our area.

    Just in case I have some instant coffee in my pantry. I can't be half-asleep when I meet Jesus!

  • Juliana

    Anyone here remember Umberto Eco’s “Name of the Rose”? I read portions of it many years ago to my husband when he was making observations about how (then) current events seemed to indicate end times. I’m having to read same parts to him again. It details lots of commotion in the 11th century over interpreting things as fulfilling the prophecies.

    Why be anxious of the second coming? It’s a celebration, right?