It’s a Coconut Shredder!


It’s a coconut shredder!!!!!!!!

I just didn’t have the heart to wait until Wednesday to reveal to you all the identity of our mystery object. I could tell it was driving you guys bonkers. The suspense of finally learning what is! It was just too much for you to bear, I know. And the simple truth is I love you guys too much to watch you suffer. I didn’t have it in me to let your anticipatory agonizing over this thing continue.

I haven’t looked at your answers yet, but I’ve no doubt in my mind that none of you guessed that this thing is coconut shredder. How could you? How could anyone? I knew it was a coconut shredder (it says so right on the base of the thing) and until I watched this video, I thought it somehow cut all the stringy hairs off the outside of a coconut. Ha, ha, ha! How stupid was I? And if I, who knew what the thing is, had no idea what it actually did, what chance did any of you have of guessing it?

None, obviously. And I’m certain your clever but inevitably mistaken answers will reflect that.

“Not one of my readers will guess what this is,” I gleefully told my friend Kim (who volunteers at the thrift store run he and I were casually trolling about).

“Never,” agreed Kim, a man of the world—and, interestingly, a guy who really knows food and cooking. “If I don’t know what it is, no one will.”

“Yeah, cuz you really know food and kitchen stuff!”

“I do!”

“Take a picture of it! I can’t wait to put this on my blog. It’s so rare to find something whose function is so impossible to fathom!”

I don’t think it would be fair of me to tease you guys with the possibility of owning one of my books or tee-shirts, and then deny either to you by making you guess something that no one in a million years could. So here’s what I’ll do: I’ll go right now and look through the answers that readers have thus far left, and see if anyone came even close to correctly guessing the function of this infinitely baffling device. And whichever answer came anywhere near correct will be declared the winner.

I can’t wait to see what wild and crazy guesses you guys came up with!!!!

My novel approach (and … update thing re: comments)
Say it ain’t so, Trader Joe!
If hell is real, then love has no meaning
10 Tips for Becoming an Amazaballs Husband
About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is founder of Unfundamentalist Christians (on Facebook here), and executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is You're invited to like John's Facebook page. Don't forget to sign up for his mucho-awesome newsletter.

  • Bron

    I knew that!! *cough*