A Review of “7 Reasons Women Stay in Abusive Relationships” from RealHope.com

From RealHope.com:

John Shore wrote on his blog an article called “Seven Reasons Women Stay in Abusive Relationships.” It is an excellent piece of writing and speaks very practically about the reasons someone stays in a bad relationship.  The article is worth looking at, even if you are not someone, nor do you know someone who is abusive.  The answers John gives helps us understand how it is that we may do things that do not seem like it’s in our best interest.  It is a wonderfully well written, easy to understand and non-clinical approach to answering the question, “Why do some women stay in abusive relationships?”

Here are some of the section headings from his article-

  • The Challenge of Having to Create a New Self Image
  • Fear of the Unknown
  • Fear of Embarrassment
  • Replaying Your Family’s Old Tapes
  • You Love the Lovable In Him
  • How Could He Be So Different From You?
  • He Lies

John’s blog on this subject has a lively comments section below his post.  The discussion makes for a robust and thought provoking take off point whether you are a professional, a victim of abuse or an abuser.  I highly recommend the reading.

 

Seven Reasons is available to read here, and also as a Kindle book or NookBook.

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About John Shore

John Shore (who, fwiw, is straight) is the author of UNFAIR: Christians and the LGBT Question, and three other great books. He is the executive editor of the Unfundamentalist Christians group blog.  (In total John's two blogs receive some 250,000 views per month.) John is also co-founder of The NALT Christians Project, which was written about by TIME,  The Washington Post, and others. His website is JohnShore.com. You're invited to like John's Facebook page. Don't forget to sign up for his mucho-awesome newsletter.

  • http://luwandi.wordpress.com Beth Luwandi

    I’m so glad to see you get a positive review to draw some attention to Seven Reasons.

    Of course the review doesn’t begin to do justice to that slim, elegant, concisely-written and shockingly accurate venture answering that question. And, not so surprisingly, Seven Reasons is written with your same edgy wit, dancing perfectly between deep compassion and a loving kick in the pants. For readers of all perspectives, it offers a very intelligent glimpse into a puzzling personal phenomenon.

    For me, it was the final intelligent glimpse into my own motivations and the invitation I needed to truly change my own life. Having always been an intelligent, earnest, devout, well-educated woman, I needed just this level of ernest, devout, intelligent, witty treatment of THE thing I could not understand in my own life in order to remedy it.

    Thank you, John. I think I read this about 18 months ago, and while other things have contributed, (and God has orchestrated all of it) this is the piece that gave me permission to hope, and made possible the very rich and happy life I’m enjoying every single day.

    It’s hard for me to be academic about the piece when it proved so very personal, but certainly people of other perspectives must must must benefit from reading it as well.

    God bless you-

  • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnshore/ John Shore

    Thank you so much for these very encouraging (and extremely well written!) words, Beth.

  • DMK

    Without going into details, because I CAN and because it would be too long, I’ll just say that I can identify with each and every aspect of this book… Oh, except, I was not abused physically, but there were two times that we came to blows and I participated in that. I was mentally and emotionally abused and I’m sure he didn’t see it that way. In a way, back then, if it wasn’t physical, it wasn’t looked upon as being abuse. I can’t begin to explain the feeling of “thinking” that I was content and in a happy marriage, yet walked on egg shells anticipating those times of being yelled at like a little girl. I’d sit there, turning his yelling voice off in my head, yet watched those popping veins and eyes. I’d sit there simply to wait for it to be over so I could get up and go into another room. Sometimes I cried, but most times I was numb.

    My DAD never talked to me like that, so why did I let him? I’ll tell you why and that’s because of all the things brought out in this book. ALL the fears talked about. To this day, I don’t see myself making it alone. I married him because I had low self esteem and at the age of 24, he was the only man to EVER look at me and I was afraid that I’d not find anyone else. I saw signs, but I was so sheltered and shy… AND rebelling against my parents; so I was not going to let anyone talk me out of it. It seems like so many aspects to think about and is very overwhelming to me and it would definitely take up the space of a full book to write down.. which I did, btw, for other purposes…. Sigh. I’ve got to say, John that after just commenting here, I really must get back to blogging… peace.

  • http://www.patheos.com/blogs/johnshore/ John Shore

    Sounds great, DMK! Thanks for great comment.

  • Don Whitt

    I think we need prequels to this:

    “Look-out, her comes another self-absorbed jerk!” for young women and “Uh-oh, it’s a crazy, narcissistic princess!” for the young men. Training pamphlets.

  • http://www.facebook.com/cat.rennolds Cat Rennolds

    The UU church actually does this for their teens in their sex-ed programs: How to tell when a relationship is abusive.  Warning signs to look for before it gets to that point.  I was thrilled.

    And, for very little kids, try listening to Tom Chapin’s song, “Hi, Hi, I Love Ya.”   

  • http://wannareadyou.com/ Sarah

    Some women stay in an abusive relationship because they think about the things they have already invested in the relationship. Others stay because they feel that no one else would want them. I advise these women to talk to close friends and family about their situation. No one likes to be in an abusive relationship, so to those out there who are abused, leave before it’s too late.

    Conflict Resolution


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