In this morning:
Hi John,
We are three professionals, myself and two women that are talking about living together. There are no children in the picture and not sure if there will be or not. I have given a lot of thought of how to structure an agreement so it is fair to us all and respects each of us.
Can you recommend a book or article that gives an outline or specifics of the theory of how to create the formal structure between the three of us? We want to create this together so that there is open and honest dialog where no one would feel threatened and can express any ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc. Thanks.
My thoughts, exactly as they occurred to me as I read the above, bracketed below in bracingly bold but basically benign blue:
We are three professionals [read: people with hip eyeglasses who speed-type on their iPhones while drinking craft beers and martinis made with flavored vodka. oh, crap: I’m in a mood], myself and two women that are talking about living together. [Wow! This polyamorous thing is really becoming a thing! Are high school kids these days worrying about what two people they’ll go to the prom with?] There are no children in the picture [whoa. okay. well, score one for you guys, for sure.] and not sure if there will be or not. [Score one against you guys, for sure. I’m going to vote for clearing that point right the freak up before you jump into any three-way snuggle fests.] I have given a lot of thought of how to structure an agreement so it is fair to us all and respects each of us. [I sooo want to see the notes he took while doing this deep thinking. They’ll be, like, “What are my needs?: 1. Sex. Lots and lots of sex. 2. A peaceful, non-confrontational home life. 3. Pancakes for breakfast at least twice a week. 4. Partners who get along great together. 5. Partners who don’t get along so great together they keep leaving me out on the couch.]
Can you recommend a book or article that gives an outline or specifics of the theory of how to create the formal structure between the three of us? [I wonder if he’s read 1 Man, Two Women in a Polyamorous Relationship or (much less likely) Christian Polyamory? But more importantly, what’s he mean by a “formal structure”? Is he talking about some kind of … prenup-nup? Man but that’d be one dense document. Look for lawyers to start lobbying in support of polyamorous marriage.] We want to create this together so that there is open and honest dialog where no one would feel threatened and can express any ideas, thoughts, feelings, etc. [Ding-ding-ding!If I were this guy’s therapist I’d become very interested in that little tagged-on “etc.”]
I’ve recently been surprised at how many of my readers seem to know so much about polyamorous relationships. I, on the other hand, have been married to the same woman for some thirty years. What do I know about having two wives, or a … brother-husband? It’s all I can do to keep one person from leaving me. I can’t imagine two.
Wait. I just did imagine two. Plus me.
Now I can’t stop imagining that.
And now I’m smelling sulfur. How weird.
Anyway, you guys know about this stuff. Any advice for our friend here?
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