The importance of my gag reflex in accepting who God made me to be

In response to the Gospel Coalition’s post from earlier this week, I am not going to write about how desperately unchristian the “pastor’s” rant was.  I am not going to point out in excruciating detail how emotionally manipulative, and thus abusive, his post is.  I do not need to point out all the lies, straw men and slippery slope arguments. I won’t belabor the point that the author’s blog title has the ring of ethnic cleansing about it.  What I will do instead is tell you my truth in love.

I dated boys in high school.  I slept with men in college. I was married to a man for over a decade.   When he was done I rolled over and sobbed into the empty cavern of my soul.  There was no amount of trying to want this kind of sex that would make it so.

Being with a man is against my nature.  Caressing a man’s body in a sexual way is against my nature.  Gazing upon a man with lustful attraction, desire or passion is against my nature.

The thought of having intercourse with a man activates MY gag reflex.

When I kissed my wife for the very first time, life rushed in in a cascade of overflowing beauty and perfection.   For weeks, months even, I kept waiting for her kisses, her caresses, her erotic embraces to feel wrong, to feel off, to feel against my nature.  Never, not once has anything felt so right, so pure, so completely natural as her gaze, her touch, her kiss shared in tender love and assured commitment.   I finally knew who I was and my true nature. And the depths of my soul rings with loud hosannahs.

So I repented.  I turned around and faced God. I accepted who God created me to be and I exchanged my unnatural sexual relations for my natural ones.

And God has blessed our love and faithfulness more abundantly than I can ever express.

Thanks be to God.