My Wife and I are on different pages. The only thing that is keeping us together is the common goal of wanting the best for our fantastic daughter. When she leaves for university I intend to leave my wife. Am I wrong? Here is the situation:
1) I save; she squanders thousands.
2) I have been faithful. Yet for most of our 20 years of marriage she has pushed me away sexually and tells me repeatedly to go to the bathroom for release.
3) She claims I cannot be trusted and have to earn her respect.
4) She does not work. I make a six figure income. We are comfortable, but cannot afford the lifestyle she expects.
5) After work I am expected to help with housework, meals, and laundry, which I do. But the house is always a mess. She is a hoarder. There is a room of junk you cannot even get into.
6) Once she said she was going to report me as being abusive. I told her I would be glad to call the police on myself or report myself to the church. She said to call the church. I did. The church leaders knew the charge was bogus and said they wanted to stay out of the matter.
When my daughter goes to university I intend to give my wife 75 percent of the assets, walk away, and put my daughter through university. Is that reasonable?
Since I am hearing only one side of the story, it is impossible to judge the whole matter, but you have given me enough information to ask some pertinent questions of you and to make a factual observation concerning your wife.
Your wife is deeply pained, broken as a human being, unfulfilled as a woman and very lonely.
Her hoarding suggests she is insecure in her future, although that could be leftovers from an impoverished youth.
Your characterization of her is typical of a woman that has lived with the shame of being rejected for another woman, or of a woman whose husband has molested his child, or is into pornography. If none of these are true, the next thing I would consider is, did you create guilt in her by engaging in premarital sex? It is often the case that a highly principled virgin who surrenders to her passions and engages in shameful sex before marriage takes that guilt into the marriage and comes to identify all sex with shame and guilt.
So far your entire approach, as expressed in your letter, is to be concerned with your own needs and how you can meet them. You are self-centered, and insensitive.
Your wife doesn’t respect you because you don’t respect yourself. She says you ‘cannot be trusted and have to earn her respect.’ I couldn’t respect a man that made love to himself in the bathroom either.
Furthermore, she doesn’t like herself any better. … For twenty years, your wife has felt that she is a loser. … I suspect she has good-will toward you, but she appears to be a little lazy and self-centered.
You neglected to lead!
Have you ever thought of going to a professional marriage counselor? I hear they’re very good at pinpointing the problems in troubled marriages like yours. I can give you the numbers for some good ones if you like.
Sincerely, Libby Anne