Worthwhile Reads: Why Courtship Fails

No Longer Quivering just put up an awesome post, “Why Courtship Fails: A Male’s Perspective.” It’s by a young many about the problems he’s faced in trying to find a wife in the very conservative homeschool circle in which he grew up.

About Libby Anne

Libby Anne grew up in a large evangelical homeschool family highly involved in the Christian Right. College turned her world upside down, and she is today an atheist, a feminist, and a progressive. She blogs about leaving religion, her experience with the Christian Patriarchy and Quiverfull movements, the detrimental effects of the "purity culture," the contradictions of conservative politics, and the importance of feminism.

  • John Morales

    Kinda depressing, reading about this sub-culture that exists in the 21st century.

  • julian

    Interesting, in a depressing ‘wow’ sorta way. It’s strange seeing someone literally select a partner to pursue by things they’ve heard.

    “Oh she got accepted to a good school but decided to not to go out of respect for her father’s religion… that’s…cool, I guess?” It wasn’t their laugh, seeing them read a book you’d just finished or wanted, being stuck on the same shift as them.

    It’s second hand word of mouth that leads to a review board that will dictate how the relationship will follow and how you may approach the object of your affection.

  • anne mariehovgaard

    Pretty disturbing to read. Fathers who seem to invent reasons for keeping their daughters from marrying are not a sign of a healthy family relationship.

  • Charlesbartley

    This makes me wonder two things: how it could ever work out, and how this isn’t the exact sort of control that the Christian talk radio used to rail against the Soviets for.

    • Nathaniel

      Cause the Reds were Godless! and when the Godless! do it its bad, and when Christian’s do things its good.

      Easy.

    • Ysanne

      What do you mean, “exact same kind of control”?
      Are you sure you mean those former socialist countries, where women actually had jobs (plus access to childcare), education, access to contraception (after some failed attempts to forbid it in order to have population growth), and generally lived as independent people?
      Oh, and no homeschooling or religious schools: Just the horrible state-run education system that filled kids’ heads with godless thoughts and exposed them to the world outside of their parents’ reach, no matter how much they wanted to prevent outside influence.

  • Leni

    It was interesting and depressing. And enlightening. Especially about the part how boys are expected to be both “independent, critical thinkers” and self-starters, yet unquestionably obedient to authority.

    It really is an impossible dichotomy.

    Although the way I worded that is disturbingly similar to what the military claims to want. (I don’t really intend to go anywhere with that, it just occurred to me as I wrote it.)


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