Created To Need A Help Meet, pp. 130—131
Last time we read a story about Debi going to a doctor’s office, and applying the “foolproof” techniques of identifying type to relate to two different doctors. Today, we’re continuing this story. Well, I say continuing this story, but really, Michael starts extrapolating about the docs. This has to be the most blatant use of his prophetic powers yet. In fact, I would say this rivals some of Debi’s famous knowing-everything-about-everyone judgments. I hope you’re excited. I know I am!
Good Doctor’s Wives
Dr. Steady is married. He probably married a nice Go-to girl that is busy doing her own thing. She will like the fact that he works for Dr. Command because she likes to get things done. For more information on the three types of women, read Debi’s book “Preparing to Be a Help Meet”.
The title of this section makes me feel uncomfortable. Is he implying that these and only these options would be good for the doctors? Is he saying that the doctors are good? (Remember, he never met with the docs-Debi did) Or is he making a point with the phrase “the good doctor”?
Now onto the paragraph. The obvious first thing that pops into my head is: how does Michael know what kind of woman Dr. Steady’s wife is? Yes, he says probably, but then he goes on talking about how happy Mrs. Steady (that’s really a Go-to) is that her hubby works for Dr. Command. Maybe Dr. Steady married a steady woman that works hard at her accounting job? Maybe he married a Visionary woman who has a messy garden and paints in the garage? Just because someone is Steady doesn’t mean they will want someone opposite. Birds of a feather and all that.
Oh, and I like how he threw in about Debi’s new book. I’m thinking of reviewing that when I get done . . . That book is geared towards unmarried women and teenage girls. I’m curious how Debi deals with people she can’t browbeat for not properly reverencing their husband/God.
Dr. Visionary/Command Man would like to be married, but he rushes around too busy to take the time to get acquainted with prospective brides. He also knows there are women who would marry him for his clout or for his money. The ladies who push themselves forward will be Go-to girls, not the best match for him. Hopefully, Dr. Command will find a wife that will help him mature into the man God wants him to be.
My first thought was: wouldn’t it be amusing if Dr. Command were gay? Or was quite happy single? Or was a knave and had a different lady over every night? Because here’s Michael talking about the proper wife for him, not even considering any other options. Heck, Dr. Command could very well already be married, and just doesn’t wear his ring. Dr. Command could be seriously dating someone, or “living in sin”. There are a zillion reasons for Dr. Command not to be married, yet Michael chooses to only focus on the one that aligns with his 3 types of men. Interestingly enough, Michael uses the phrase “get acquainted with prospective brides” in place of saying “dating”. I wonder why?
Yes, it is true, some women are attracted to things like money or power. Some guys like that. I’ve known plenty of men who married beneath them in intellect or money because they liked being superior.
It’s interesting that Michael thinks that the ladies that push themselves toward Dr. C are Go-to girls. These women (not girls!) could be succumbing to pressure from their families to settle down. They could have come in for an appointment, and thought the doctor was good looking and nice. Again, it’s so easy to find a bunch of different reasons for people doing the things they do, aside from Michael’s “I know everything-this is how it is”.
Also, nowhere in Debi’s conversation with the doctors did God come up. Who says the Dr is religious, or Christian, or really cares what Michael’s God wants him to be?
And I do hope he will uses his brains instead of his eyes when he makes his choice, because the kind of lady he needs will not be dashing or daring. She will need to be a steady servant. He will need a right-hand lady for his wife, but, more importantly, he will need a woman who is there to serve him and be his cheering squad.
Ah, yes. Only homely, plain women are good matches for Command/Visionaries. What does that say about how Michael views Debi, considering he claims to be the same type? We’ve seen the same philosophy echoed in Debi’s book. Basically, the plainer a woman is, the more grateful she’ll be that a man loves her, and be a better servant.Wouldn’t that be an absolutely heart-breaking union? The man’s point of view is: She’s plain, but she adores me, and she’ll make a good servant. And the woman thinks: Well, I know that I’m ugly, but if I reverence him enough, maybe he’ll love me. Actually, this sounds kind of like Debi and Michael’s marriage . . . Don’t believe me? Re-read the some of the earlier posts in this book, or nearly any chapter of Debi’s.
Frankly, if all my husband wanted out of me was to serve him and build him up, he picked the wrong woman. I’ve actually told him that on occasion, and he looks at me like I’m crazy. Once, he told me “Oh, trust me, if that was the type of woman I wanted, I wouldn’t have even talked to you.”
Remember, women are moldable; the younger they are, the more moldable they are; and the less experience they have in the world, the easier it is for them to conform to their husband’s needs. Most men get married expecting their wives to know just how to please them.
Good gracious! Isn’t this frightening? Not surprising, considering the number of times prominent men in this culture extol the virtues of younger girls. I’m remembering the story of Marantha, where she was…what? 16 and her husband was 26? Because nothing says true love like romancing a girl (yes, a girl) still in high school. But, I suppose, if the point is to marry them young and train ’em up yourself (which is a terrible concept), then this is good advice.
And of course women are moldable. How silly to think that women have talents and expectations and wishes and dreams of their own. How odd that some people believe women can make their own decisions and be perfectly OK living alone (or-heavens to Betsey-with other women!) /snark
But now you know that if you want a good woman you must take the responsibility to love her and to mold her into being that woman. That is more easily accomplished when you know yourself and your needs, your strengths and your weaknesses. It is also easier if your wife-to-be has studied and knows what God says to her as a help meet. I would advise and discuss at great length my wife’s books, “Created to Be His Help Meet”, and especially the one for unmarried girls, “Preparing to Be a Help Meet”. This is not an ad; it’s just good advice.
Because the only point of marriage is to turn women into what the man wants! Ugh. I can’t get over how toxic this type of thinking is. It ensures that women are viewed (not just by men, either!) as less. They can’t think for themselves, can’t take care of themselves, can’t be anything without a MAN telling her how. I just want to shake the people that believe this!
For awhile, when we first got married, I fell into this trap. My husband’s friend’s wife gave me a copy of Debi’s book as a wedding present. I tried to do what it said, because I thought this was what my husband wanted. I made myself miserable for weeks trying to “reverence” him while pushing down the parts of myself that I had cultivated in college. I tried to stamp down my creativity, my initiative, my drive, my ideas, my wants, my thoughts, my dreams. I told him I was happy to stay home and keep house (well, apartment), when I was dying of boredom inside. I said that it was my job to cook whatever he wanted, when we had two different ideas of what was tasty. I let him handle the money, even though it made me twitchy not to know how much we had in the account. Long story short: I was lying to both of us. And believe me, that’s not a marriage. It’s slavery. I felt like, since he had the job and made the money, he deserved to make all the decisions. I felt like I owed him devotion, because I was fat and ugly, and he chose me.
I cannot tell you how long I’ve struggled with these thoughts. It’s a hard rut to get out of. But I am slowly figuring out that I am worth loving, simply because of who I am. And my heart aches for those women who tell themselves every day that they are lucky to have a man-any man, because they aren’t pretty enough, or smart enough, or talented enough to be by themselves. Ladies, you don’t need a man to define you. You are talented and capable and wonderful. And if someone tries to tell you different, run-don’t walk!
Anyway, my main takeaway from this section (besides how wrong certain types of thinking is), is that Michael is amazingly psychic. He never even met these Doctors, but knows what kind of wives are best for them, and what these men will need to be happy. I mean, if he can do that with doctors, imagine how much he knows about YOU, the reader!
Next time, we talk about how all 3 types relate to their wives. It’s going to be a blast, I’m sure.