I’m Satya. How can I help?

This is my very first blog for Patheos, and so I will begin by saying something about myself.

Who am I? I am broken. I hurt those I love without meaning to, and sometimes on purpose. I eat too much sugar. I am hopelessly full of ego. I am a teensy bit addicted to Facebook. I tend towards workaholism. I mostly resist, but I love to gossip. I am sometimes afraid of intimacy and of being in community. I manipulate those around me in order to get my needs met. I make the same mistakes over and over again.

Who am I? I am brimming with wisdom, gratitude and love. I am a successful author and psychotherapist. I am ordained as a Buddhist Priest and I run a thriving temple with my husband. I find my work deeply fulfilling. I have carried out two decades of ‘work’ on myself – therapy, 12 step groups, courses, and thousands of books. I know myself pretty well. I’m not afraid to say ‘no’ and I’m not afraid to say ‘yes’. I have a very happy marriage, good friends, and a strong community around me. I have been given a great deal, which I would like to pass on. I am full of faith.

Who am I, and how can I help you? I am an ordinary, foolish being. I am a mixture of the first description of myself and the second; light and dark, deluded and enlightened. And I know that I am acceptable, just as I am. I know it in my bones. This brings me great consolation. I hope that this is one of the ways in which I can help you – by reminding you that you are also a mix of awful and wonderful, and that you are also illuminated by the light of love.

As a Pureland Buddhist, I speak of this light as being Amida Buddha, the Buddha of Infinite Light. Being in relationship with Amida (also known as Amitabha) has shown me that I am acceptable, just as I am, and that I can relax. Amida knows the very worst of me, and understands why I am the way I am. Paradoxically, as I feel known, understood, and loved, the sharp edges of my dysfunctions begin to be worn away.  My fear-driven behaviour becomes less necessary. Being known in this way keeps me humble, as I realise the depths of my self-deception and my egoic striving. It also helps me to be more patient and compassionate, as I see these same processes at work in other people.

It doesn’t matter to me how you conceptualise of your own light or what name you give it. What I’d love is for you to discover or remember it, and to experiment with leaning into it. As your faith grows, you may find that you are also more able to be honest about yourself, more courageous and more vulnerable. You may feel more secure, more relaxed, and more content. I’m hoping you’ll feel more grateful, more playful, and more joyful. That’s how it’s been for me.

I would like to offer you the gift of refuge in these blogs. I will do this by speaking about my own life in our small town Pureland Buddhist temple – what I learn from my encounters with everyday life, from those around me, from my Buddhist teachers, from other faiths and from books. I’ll probably write about what interests me, which currently includes addiction and compulsion, how to grow a healthy community, how to balance work and rest and how to maintain a simple spiritual practice. I’ll probably also say ‘Namo Amida Bu’ from time to time. Reciting ‘Namo Amida Bu’ (known as the nembutsu) is the core of our practice as Pureland Buddhists. It is how we say the name of Amitabha, in order to connect with his wisdom and love. It also offers us a settled faith about our final destination, Amitabha’s Pure Land, which we can see as a mystical land far in the West, as an inspirational vision of an ideal society, or as the field of merit surrounding a perfect being. If you want to know more you can go here www.amidashu.org, but don’t worry too much about it for now. Take what you like and leave the rest.

I’m really looking forwards to sharing my life with you here at ‘Notes from the Temple’. I’m wondering where it might take us. I hope you’ll come along!

Namo Amida Bu, deep bow.