Changes…

So. We are moving. I meant to post that on my blog a while ago, but I couldn’t come up with a clever post to break the news, and then I found myself so busy and distracted with the logistics of moving, that I forgot to get back to it. So here it is.
We are moving. We are leaving Canada and moving back into the USA. We are also leaving ministry, for a variety of complex reasons that I may get to expound on later. The next few months are going to be wild. In the next few weeks we are packing up, crossing international lines and heading to a new city where we have never lived before to rent a place on our own and hopefully land some jobs.
It’s exciting. It’s exhausting. It’s scary.
The changes are happening so fast it’s almost disorienting… Almost. Both my Hunnie and I are deep thinkers, and we tend to over analyze everything for extraordinary lengths of time, so the change on the horizon has been discussed, taken apart and discussed some more, and then agreed upon for awhile. But now we will be taking action and actually implementing the changes, and that is something new.
I used to think that a mother working outside of the home was against God’s plan. 
Now I am heading out to get a job.
I used to think that sending your children to school was like sending them to Hell in a hand basket. 
Now I am getting ready to enrol my 5 year old in kindergarten this fall.
I used to believe that my sole purpose in life was to support and serve my husband and sacrifice my own desires or needs. Now we are stepping out into the world as equals, and I find myself participating in the big decisions for the first time.
So yes, there is lots of change on the horizon.
I get to start a new adventure with my best friend and partner. I get to start a new chapter of being a spouse and parent. I get to explore more of what it means to be Melissa.
It’s crazy. It’s nerve-wracking. It’s exhilarating.
Come along for the ride?

  • Paula G V aka Yukimi

    Wow, that's sure a lot of changes but I'm sure that you will overcome any difficulties that come your way and emerge victorious :) Have fun on the metaphorical and on the actual trip!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03792937108732259684 priest’s wife

    wow. just wow.

    I'm not sure how much you'll share about leaving ministry- it would be beyond earth-shattering for us- thinking of you

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16689771853283510202 Jenny

    Congratulations on the change to equal partnership, and good luck in the move and the future!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06233321050691782148 Michael Mock

    If you wind up in the general vicinity of Dallas/Fort Worth, drop us a line. I'd love to say hi, and our kids are similar enough ages that they could probably play together without too much drama (or trauma!).

  • Anonymous

    Good Luck, and I am sending many good thoughts and prayers. It is going to be quite an adventure. For selfish reasons, I hope you keep blogging. There is a stranger in SC who is enjoying reading about your journey. Maria

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02324910265728062898 nellakat

    Prayers for your new adventure! How exciting and brave to take life head on and what a blessing to face it with your husband!

  • Cate

    Big changes, but what a life adventure!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08553760391176072177 Joy

    Definitely want to come along for the ride. Good luck with the move and job searches!

  • http://grace-filled.net jen

    i wish you luck in this change. i am also SOOOOOO along for the ride on this one.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/18302037643126411567 Kristin

    I spent 3 years in chruch that preached no woman shall ever work. In fact, our pastor once told us that "it would be better for you to end up starving on the street then for you to get a job"

    Now, 4 years later. I work days in and my husband works nights. It's crazy but it works

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04701078537900767775 K

    Oh my gosh! I am so excited for you!

    I'm definitely here, along for the ride

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16232186225573312896 Incongruous Circumspection

    God I love you!

    Welcome to the USA, where your health care sucks you dry!!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00597012674027878494 rain ::

    I have the biggest smile on my face right now. Wishing you and your beloved all the best as you make this transition. Xo.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/02224561280478383821 Nancy

    I am excited for you! Big changes yes, but GOOD ones!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06374573594800663980 Kacie

    I love it. I hope you still have time to write!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10254315970336710941 Catholic Mutt

    Can't wait to see where it all takes you! Sounds crazy and stressful and wonderful all at the same time!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17046924507335607146 Amy

    O my gosh… how amazingly exciting, YM!!!!!!!!
    I can't wait to hear more as these changes come.. we are moving out of our home state as well in June, and the move date couldn't come quick enough.
    hugs.
    Amy

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05127202199834183627 Liz

    Take it one step at a time. Remember, all of those changes are stressful for everybody, including the kids. We watched our granddaughter get really clingy with her mom after a move this past year, and they only moved two towns over. No one's job changed, they were closer to grandparents, her mom was still at home with her. However, all the packing, unpacking, settling in, making home improvements, etc. took a real toll on everyone. They're fine now. She bounced back, but it took a few weeks. You're making a lot of changes all at once. You might want to try staggering them a little bit if you can for all of your sakes. In other words, don't try to land a job the first week out, give your kids a few weeks to settle in first. Get to know your new town. Take time to make your new place home.

    I have to say I've been exclusively a housewife for most of our marriage (few stints of temp/part time work, one of full time) and I've never felt like less than an equal partner with my husband. It isn't the job that makes you equal, as a matter of fact I've known at least one woman who was bringing home the lion's share of the money who was far less equal than I was (she finally got a divorced after the lout cheated on her). It's all in the attitude you and your husband have towards each other.

    You have an adventure ahead, that's for sure. Just remember that little people sometimes need awhile to process it all, and take it slowly. There's time, you don't have to grab it all in one fell swoop.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13674332089949439989 Melissa

    It's definitely going to be a big change.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13674332089949439989 Melissa

    Michael- That would be a little far south for us, but thanks for the offer! :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13674332089949439989 Melissa

    Kristin- The rotating schedule is probably what we will be attempting for a time. I hope it works out for us as well.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13674332089949439989 Melissa

    IC- Such a bummer to move back to US health care let me tell you. But we are not citizens in Canada, so I guess we are stuck.:)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13674332089949439989 Melissa

    Amy- Congratulations! I know the feeling of the move date not coming soon enough!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13674332089949439989 Melissa

    Liz- We are definitely hoping to take some time to settle and adjust. I already understand myself as my spouses equal, I don't tie that to a job. In fact, I'll need the job because of the paycut we will be getting by leaving ministry. So don't worry that I'm running out to get a job to prove anything. We have our whole lives ahead of us.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09586721197750246060 Lara

    Will you move to California and come be my friend? =) I'm so excited for you. I hope leaving the ministry is a weight lifted off of your family. Wouldn't that be wonderful. Ah freedom.

  • Anonymous

    Wow!

    I found your blog via libby Anne via Pharyngula a couple of days ago and have read through your archives, then I reach the front page again to find this! It's like I've watched you go from fundamentalist to average person in the course of a weekend!

    Good luck with all the changes. I see you're thinking of rotating shifts, that's a great idea. I can't imagine you could cover the cost of childcare yet. What sort of job are you thinking of? I've been looking for a post – SAHM job since my previous career is jus not going to work as a parent. There are quite a few short courses that give you a qualification, and might let you bypass the whole high school issue. All you need is to sit placement tests then once you've done the course they recommend you're magically post- secondary. I am doing an AA at a CC right now and 99% of my classmates have zero reading comprehension, and can't make a sentence with a noun and a verb. Really, if you email me I can share some examples which will dismiss any concerns you might have in that direction. Nursing assisting, physician assistant and phlebotomy spring to mind as very short, cheap courses which make you very marketable for jobs which can be pert time and flexible.. I know you're really a writer, and I think you have a book in you. How about a job that mostly has you sitting around and gives you time to write? You could write a book about going from quiverfull to mainstream, or a personal story on stopping spanking, or advice. How about monetizing your blog? I read a blog called Moxie who gives great parenting advice

  • Anonymous

    I lost the seond half of my comment! Anyway, I think your story Is compelling, and your writing is approachable. Are there paying gigs for articles? Even those content farms pay for views don't they? And you could be working on a book proposal at the same time.

  • Anonymous

    Sorry, this is the same anonymous serial commenting. I was thinking how you could increase your readership, and after I posted here I went and looked at i heart organising, because I love her reader spaces. I know you participate in come group link carnivals, but you could really extend your reach, your story really resonates with me as a life long atheist, never even thought of spanking mother of two widely spaced kids, it will resonate with a lot of the other mothers wandering the internet. Why not look at these large popular blogs who specialise in related topics and tailor a post or a project to submit to them? A picture of a reorganised pantry for i heart organising, some tips on cooking with kids for parent hacks, something about budgeting for frugal hacks, etc.

    I also wanted to point you in the direction of a couple of bloggers who wrote books Tertia of "so close" and Alexa of "flotsam" ( her book was called Half Baked) Young House Love did a post about how they got their book deal.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08135229596877003069 Michelle

    I am so excited for you!! I am so glad you have found acceptance that a wife/mother could work outside the home and that it could be God's will that she do so. It took a long time for me but I am happier than I have ever been with my vocation as a wife and Work-Outside-The-Home-Mom (WOTHM)!!! Can't wait to hear how things are going!!!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/04738076740941616678 Rebecca

    THIS: "I get to start a new adventure with my best friend and partner. I get to start a new chapter of being a spouse and parent. I get to explore more of what it means to be Melissa."

    This my friend is why wherever it is and whatever it brings, the next chapter will be amazing!

    Prayers for safe travels and I'm looking forward to following along :) .

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17825458003284098965 Scott Morizot

    Peace. My whole life for something like thirty years and more was constant change. Change doesn't bother me, per se, but there are reasons I seek a boring life. [g] Hope all the changes work out well for you.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/10771405085138024959 Lydia

    Come to Massachusetts and get the healthcare that Romney is frantically trying to disown! lol

    So excited for you, Melissa, and I echo Anonymous above in saying that I selfishly hope you will keep blogging. What kind of work are you and your husband going to be looking for? How are the kids handling the change? Good luck in everything.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08863579550620358675 Jill

    What an exciting time (albeit anxiety ridden in some ways I'm sure). Looking forward to hearing the next chapters on your journey!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13674332089949439989 Melissa

    Thank you. :) We won't be in California, but I'd still love to be your friend. :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13674332089949439989 Melissa

    Thank you, I can imagine that reading my blog in one sitting would be pretty intense! :) These last 2 years have been quite the ride. Thanks so much for your encouragement. I would love to write more, and perhaps publish a book sometime. I'll check out the website you mentioned in your last comment.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13674332089949439989 Melissa

    Yes! It is very fortunate that I came to understand that since I will actually need to work for a time. You are an inspiration Michelle. :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13674332089949439989 Melissa

    Scott- I hear you on boring! We are pretty sedate over here despite the changes, I think that the spending our days off at home, doing chores together (and if we go out it's to the grocery store or the library) is what keeps us all sane.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17871256362646081536 Amber

    How did I miss this? I am SUPER excited for you!!!!

    Where are you moving to? You never know, we could be neighbors.

    It's going to be tough to change, move, and find a job, but once you get settled I think you will really enjoy it.

    Wow. I am so very happy for you both.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13674332089949439989 Melissa

    Amber- Thanks :) We are headed to the Twin Cities (Minneapolis/St Paul) I'd love to be neighbors!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/00550847149908532903 The Praying Mom

    That is very exciting! I am very happy for both of you. I'm looking forward to hearing about your adventures in this life chapter.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/13674332089949439989 Melissa

    Thanks Lydia- It look like Vermont is going to be starting a state system as well, so maybe we will all be covered eventually. I have no job experience or credentials, so I'll probably be starting with an entry level job somewhere. The kids are doing great, excited and motivated to help pack their things and get ready. :)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05598890631695015818 Pippi

    Wow, that is awesome! If by any chance you end up near Philadelphia, and feel like meeting, feel free to email me. I hope wherever you go, the journey continues ever onward to the truth. :) God bless you. And I mean that in the most sincere way.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/05659143242634568450 Sherry G

    Many prayers as you embark on this new adventure!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15812398542039030481 rae

    First of all… YAY! And second – scary!

    Third – I want to help. :)

    I used to comment over here occasionally as Rachel from threeinonemakesfive and I have followed you faithfully for a while. :) Don't expect you to remember me, and this might come across as a little forward, but I am living in the Twin Cities now and I want to offer to help out in any way I can. A friendly face, a play date, whatever you may need while you guys are settling in. Our journeys are quite similar and I am struggling with becoming a pastor's wife and maybe needing to leave ministry for a while and… well… anyway! I don't know what kind of support system you'll have when you get here, but whatever you need just say the word. Even if you just want to email and ask about neighborhoods or where to look for a home or what schools are better, best restaurants, whatever! :)

    I have zero gentle parent/questioning/slightly liberal friends here and I know transitions can be tough. Hence the offer. :)

    justalittlerae at gmail


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