‘Tis the Season

It’s below zero outside. Even though I can feel the cold seeping through the walls, the house feels cozy.  I try to organize my thoughts enough to write, and end up making spaghetti for the kids instead while snitching bites of leftover homemade brownies in the corner cabinet.


The tree in the corner is re-decorated by the kids almost every day, Mr Punk likes to crawl behind it and unplug the lights. Each child has a pair of boots and coat and snowpants that fit them, we have mittens and hats to go around too. That is a good feeling.


It’s dark when I walk to work in the morning. Sometimes I trip because I am looking up at the moon and stars while I crunch through the snow. Once I was startled by a fully grown pair of deer walking along the City block, they raised their heads to look at me, and then continued on their way, trotting along the sidewalk.  


The house has been easier to keep clean lately, maybe it’s because of the bags of outgrown toys and clothing donated and out of our way, maybe it’s our work schedules settling into a comfortable rhythm.


I scribble in my usual notebooks, making lists like I’ve always done. Lists of gift ideas, lists of writing ideas, lists of appointments that should be made, phone numbers I need to call, letters I want to write and cookies I want to bake. Putting it all on paper so I don’t have to juggle it in my head is a soothing ritual.


We make soup. Haley cooks up a spicy beef and bean chili, I eat mine with cheese, she eats hers with a pickle. The heat feels good in our stomachs. I chop up carrots, celery, onions and garlic and make a pot of lentil soup. We warm it up to eat some more a couple days in a row. Comfort food is probably the best part about winter.


We squabble on our days off, working opposite schedules limits our time together, and sometimes it feels like everyone is competing for time with everyone else.  I’m not sure who thought of the no-internet-when-we-are-all-at-home-together rule, but a week into the practice has revealed remarkable peaceful family time.




It’s a time of year where people crave it, search for it and pontificate about it. And I have it.


It’s a good feeling.


And that’s my stream of consciousness for tonight.


Re-Post: I’m Not Afraid Anymore
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What I Understand
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  • Meyli

    Peace! It is such a wonderful thing; I’m glad you have it :)

  • DarknessRainbow

    I’m glad your life is settling down. I hope it continues to work well for you through the winter at the least! [:

  • burr clover

    Melissa, I spent hours reading your blog tonight – everything from your initial courtship series to the new coming out series, as well as your evolving posts on parenting and other posts in between – and I am impressed by your strength and honesty and courage. The struggles I have faced in my life are not nearly as hard, and I have still not managed to become as much myself as I feel that you have become. In fact, I have only recently begun to notice how much I withhold of myself on a daily basis. Change is hard, and I have changed a lot lately – but only on the inside, not on the outside. Outside, I am still scared that people will not like me
    anymore when they know how I really am or what I really think. Even the post where you mentioned getting a new hair cut that YOU liked jolted me – for months now, I have been putting off going to the hair dresser to get the hair cut I want just because I don’t know “how it will look”. These fears can be so crippling, and it is sad to hold back from the life you want to lead, the person you were meant to be, the road you were meant to travel; it’s sad to keep secrets and hold off from changing out of fear.

    I will take your story to heart. If you can do it – and facing much bigger obstacles, no doubt – then I can do it, too. Your courage, as well as your graciousness when it comes to criticism or people who disagree, are inspiring. Your and Haley’s love for each other is beautiful; you must be two very special people. And I love how you are able to be true and compassionate to both the person you were and the person you are now. Let me send you a hug and a big thank you for being who you are.

    • Melissa_PermissionToLive

      Thank you for sharing your journey. :)