Thetomdelay waltz of treachery

Thetomdelay waltz of treachery April 28, 2005

Les Miserables was a success. The kids from VFMA were great onstage and a real privilege and pleasure to work with.

One of the highlights of the show was our Thenardier, who borrowed a bit of shtick from Johnny Depp's Jack Sparrow.

His scenes got even funnier for me, though, once I started mentally substituting "Thetomdelay" for "Thenardier."

And you don't even need to change any of the other words:

Master of the house / Keeper of the zoo
Ready to relieve 'em / Of a sou or two
Watering the wine / Making up the weight
Pickin' up their knick-knacks / When they can't see straight
Everybody loves a landlord / Everybody's bosom friend
I do whatever pleases / Jesus! Won't I bleed 'em in the end!

Master of the house / Quick to catch yer eye
Never wants a passerby / To pass him by
Servant to the poor / Butler to the great
Comforter, philosopher, And lifelong mate!
Everybody's boon companion / Everybody's chaperone
But lock up your valises / Jesus! Won't I skin you to the bone!

Mme. Thenardier's variation on the theme works equally well:

`Master of the house?' / Isn't worth me spit!
`Comforter, philosopher' / — and lifelong shit!
Cunning little brain / Regular Voltaire
Thinks he's quite a lover / But there's not much there
What a cruel trick of nature / Landed me with such a louse
God knows how I've lasted / Living with this bastard in the house!

But a cautionary note creeps in toward the end of the play. Thetomdelays get a last word:

Masters of the land / Always get our share
Clear away the barricades / And we're still there!
We know where the wind is blowing / Money is the stuff we smell.
And when we're rich as Croesus / Jesus! Won't we see you all in hell!


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