instruments of torture…

… I acquired a new musical instrument, the accordion. I bought it from a church some months ago. Why this particular parish had an accordion in their possession, who knows. But I suppose it’s a good thing they sold it. The Church just isn’t ready for a Polka Mass.

My new purchases pleases me. It provides another source for making small boys and cats flee the house in terror to escape the hellish sounds within.

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  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/12990289461877567408 The Ironic Catholic

    Um, isn't ready? It happens all the time up here–esp in Wisconsin.That said, it's a travesty. Yep.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15634235894433276073 Nan

    Ummm, you're mocking the priest who celebrated my grandmother's funeral Mass. Polka music in the Mass is the musical equivalent of the vernacular; in the 50's Mass was celebrated in Slovenian but as the new priests aren't from the Range, they don't speak the language.My mom still has my grandma's polka music and as she traveled to Slovenia on Father's tour, I'd be surprised if she didn't have that album.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03757450243693023480 Margaret Mary

    I'm not sure if this makes me feel better about the drum and guitar ensemble I experienced this morning or not.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/01562944653624224107 Adrienne

    Perfect pitch is when the accordion hits the banjo when it lands in the dipsy dumpster 😉

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14807873592896092136 Anthony S. Layne

    I just had this sudden vision of Hell … being trapped in an elevator with the Gather Hymnal being played on the accordion by Wierd Al Yankovic.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15600512093922807813 Julie

    The worst wedding reception ever:My Hungarian cousin's in Detroit, 1967. 93 dgrees, no airconditioning, green velvet bridesmaid's dresses, three hours of non-stop polka music, and I'm too young to drive, so there's no chance of escape.I still hear that accordion whenever I have a fever.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09819523933502820341 Terry Nelson

    I can imagine you in spandex playing like Grace Jones… 'walking… walking… walking…'

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/17691145638703824456 kkollwitz

    Accordion music is charming.Who could forget Brave Combo or the Schmenge Brothers?

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/16585104084132192522 Fr. Erik Richtsteig

    I would take the Schmenge Brothers over Haagen/Haas/St. Louis Jebbies any old time.(Someone should tell Father that the stole goes UNDER the chasuble–especially that one.)

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15107422062737332873 Lyda

    Had the sad misfortune of actually attending a polka mass. I still haven't quite recovered from it.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/09649237173680633611 Charles Culbreth

    kkollwitz said…Accordion music is charming.That's just how Hannibal Lecter described Anthrax Island.The Schmenge Bros. ROCK!That said, Purgatory is the locale where accordian serves best. I'll be untangling microphone cords to their droning version of Kanon in D, indefinitely….sigh.Actually, the accordian, from the physics POV, is not unlike the pipe organ in its imitation of the human voice. Much as the classical guitar is not unlike a harp.But in the hands of a proper villain, arggghhhhh.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06117353945124506952 The Crescat

    Nan, I am mocking no one but my own pathetic polka playing skills. I love the accordion…. just scroll down and listen to any one of the featured Tuesday tunes.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/11740482509910163332 Gail F

    I would buy a Brave Combo polka mass album! But then… I actually went to a mariachi mass. And it was exactly what it sounds like it would be.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/15262778035877473976 3puddytats

    Years ago I attended a cousin's Wedding Mass done in traditional Irish dress and ceremony…complete with bagpipes and drums..I'm surprised the roof of that old Cathedral is still standing..Always interesting (and at times a bit scandalous) to see men attempt to kneel for Communion in a kilt..Sara

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/08904542599983127845 Laura The Crazy Mama

    This one isn't even funny. Every year, our church fall festival features a TPM (Traditional Polka Mass) at the historic church. I tried to protest once, years ago, but I gave up. "It's just so FUN! And, and, and it's done with TOTAL reverence!!!"Big Sigh.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/06334203937303147489 ThereseRita

    Ditto, Laura. TPM is still a really big deal up north. Fortunately, it never caught on south of the Mason Dixon Line!

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03893341464969743583 Jane

    I've read a serious, published article on the Polka Mass phenomenon. No joke; I've cited it in my dissertation. Very odd, to those of us who've long since abandoned ties to German, Polish, or other Eastern European heritage.3puddytats, I'm surprised that it was kneeling that the men in kilts found difficult. When my husband wears his, it's sitting that's the problem! He's paranoid about creasing it, and occasionally forgetful about keeping his knees together (which is why he wears basketball shorts underneath). Girls all have the proper, modest way to sit in a skirt drummed into our heads at an early age. Men who don't start wearing kilts until adulthood are at a serious disadvantage.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/07874681310775395586 Lola

    I want a copy.Just to remember that part of my childhood at St. Stanislas when I witnessed a Polka Mass. It made the Mariachi Mass easy peasie.