… Thanksgiving can be stressful; dealing with the family and that one crazy uncle compiled with all the endless cooking. Something always get burnt or catches fire and the drunk, true to form, drinks too much and gets belligerent. It’s even more stressful if you are a first timer undertaking the monumental task of preparing the whole meal.
Whatever the circumstances may be, please let me share with you my sage wisdom on dealing with Thanksgiving. This is carefully gleaned advice from years of mistakes, mishaps, and martini addled memories.
You are going to be eating like it’s your last meal ever with an endless buffet of variety. Your pants will not hold up under the strain. Trust me. Invest in a good pair of elastic waist stretchy pants. You can go casual in the roomy jumper version of a Snuggie or, for the more fancy fashionable types, the sweatpants that look like jeans. Another alternative is to keep a set of pant waist extenders in your purse.
Another no-no is high heels. If you plan on drinking to cope with the in-laws wearing a pair of comfortable flats is a must. Don’t ruin a perfectly good meal with a twisted ankle. Or worse, spill your drink as you go clumsily falling down a flight of stairs.
If you can, avoid at all costs cooking. Let someone else do it. Offer instead to bring the wine and adult beverages. A good guest doesn’t forget the mixers.
Here’s a bit of advice I wish I had one year; it takes about a half an hour per pound to defrost your turkey. That means a 12 pound bird will take about 6 hours to defrost. Take it out of the freezer now and put it in the refrigerator. And no, hell no, just because you are using a turkey fryer this year doesn’t mean you get to skip this step. If you do, the government will arrest you as a terrorist!
Of course, if push comes to shove there’s still time to put your Honey Baked Ham on lay-away.
You’ll thank me later.
PS- I also welcome your advice and sanity saving tips in the comments.
PPS- Don’t leave your ashtray near the propane turkey fryer. The emergency room will be crowded enough without your added presence. Again, trust me on this one.